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Going to Memory Care tomorrow
rvgirl72
Posted: Tuesday, September 12, 2017 8:53 AM
Joined: 10/21/2016
Posts: 65


Hi All,

My Dad had been in AL from Oct. '16-July '17.  Most recently spent 6 weeks in the geri-psych ward getting meds regulated for hallucinations, paranoia, etc.  

He is not able to go back to the AL and will be going to MC.  MC is 40 minutes from my home, so I will only be able to visit 2x a week, maybe 3 max.  

I'm just very nervous about this transition.  He will have a roommate, which he never has had.  I worry they won't be able to handle his delusions/hallucinations.  It's farther away so I can't run over to check on him as easily.  I'm not sure he will even understand where he is going when we leave the hospital.  He thinks he is coming back to my house & it's just not possible for me to care for him in our home.  This is the best place for him, I know, but I'm just worried. 

Honestly I was hoping he would pass away & be at peace before this part came.  He's late stage 6, and I do believe this move will break what is left of his spirit.

I guess I needed to vent.  Prayers please.  Thanks for listening.


Rockym
Posted: Tuesday, September 12, 2017 9:34 AM
Joined: 1/17/2016
Posts: 441


rvgirl, I too made the decision to move my mom to MC.  She has now been in a light weight IL/AL for 1 year and then a higher care AL for another year.  Mom is the end of stage 5, but she is wheelchair bound after a stoke and it became obvious her community isn't a good fit anymore.  I am so scared of her going downhill too.  With your dad at late 6 and everything you and he have been though, you are doing the right thing.

He needs the care and protection.  I understand when you say you hoped he would pass and be at peace.  I have come to realize these thoughts are normal and okay.  I wish I didn't have them either, but crap, this illness is long and painful for everyone.  It also totally sucks to watch these changes in people we once knew so differently.  Anyway, good luck with the move.  We are doing it in 30 days.  I am giving notice this week.


Christie5264
Posted: Tuesday, September 12, 2017 7:09 PM
Joined: 4/22/2017
Posts: 15


I lifted you up in prayer.  I do understand as I just placed my father in MC August 2.  I wish you all the best! 
Daughter of a Marine
Posted: Wednesday, September 13, 2017 10:55 PM
Joined: 9/11/2017
Posts: 12


I am learning so much from this site. My dad's situation is so similar to yours.  We have been afraid about what what to hope for - Praying God will release him from this prison but recognize that His plan is perfect and we are committed to walking this road with him for as long as needed.  Just need more information and am looking forward to learning more from this site and others who are willing to come along side and help,. Bless you all.
CherAl
Posted: Thursday, September 14, 2017 1:47 PM
Joined: 7/6/2017
Posts: 2


We moved my dad into MC in May.  He doesn't want to be there.  He doesn't understand why this is happening to him and why he can't go home and drive his car, and life on his own.  My sister and I repeatedly tell him he can no longer drive because a court took away his license.  He will not listen.  He didn't do anything.  When we visit, he tries to leave with us.  He has made it out to the elevators a few times, but the nurse was watching...this breaks our hearts.  My sister and I feel that he is in the best place, but we can't help but think he could be better somewhere else, but where?  My sister tried to move in with him at the beginning, and he would not stop trying to get the car keys, and made her miserable, so she couldn't even stay one night.  At that point he was very very very mean.  Since he's been in the GPU 3 times, they finally got the meds right, and now he's not as mean.  He can't live on his own.  He is hiding things in his socks in his drawer - everything...pencils, sticks of gum, notes.  Oh the notes he writes....he writes, over and over, on small pieces of paper [no waste] stating for me to come give him a ride home - same note - over and over and over.  I find them everywhere.  My sister and I are trying to alternate seeing him.  We each see him twice a week.  We always feel guilty that that isn't enough, but it has to be, because we both work, and have kids to drive around.  We have had thoughts, like you, that we wish this would end - HE wants it to end.  He wrote notes of suicide - which is why he ended up in the GPU in the first place.  We try to talk to him, and redirect, but he's very smart.  He knows what we are doing, so he goes right back to "Get me the hell out of here".... we just tell him the doctor needs him to stay for a while...."HOW LONG", over and over.  What advise do you have?  Anything?  We are exhausted and it's only been 5 months....
CherAl
Posted: Thursday, September 14, 2017 1:53 PM
Joined: 7/6/2017
Posts: 2


We moved my dad into MC in May.  He doesn't want to be there.  He doesn't understand why this is happening to him and why he can't go home and drive his car, and life on his own.  My sister and I repeatedly tell him he can no longer drive because a court took away his license.  He will not listen.  He didn't do anything.  When we visit, he tries to leave with us.  He has made it out to the elevators a few times, but the nurse was watching...this breaks our hearts.  My sister and I feel that he is in the best place, but we can't help but think he could be better somewhere else, but where?  My sister tried to move in with him at the beginning, and he would not stop trying to get the car keys, and made her miserable, so she couldn't even stay one night.  At that point he was very very very mean.  Since he's been in the GPU 3 times, they finally got the meds right, and now he's not as mean.  He can't live on his own.  He is hiding things in his socks in his drawer - everything...pencils, sticks of gum, notes.  Oh the notes he writes....he writes, over and over, on small pieces of paper [no waste] stating for me to come give him a ride home - same note - over and over and over.  I find them everywhere.  My sister and I are trying to alternate seeing him.  We each see him twice a week.  We always feel guilty that that isn't enough, but it has to be, because we both work, and have kids to drive around.  We have had thoughts, like you, that we wish this would end - HE wants it to end.  He wrote notes of suicide - which is why he ended up in the GPU in the first place.  We try to talk to him, and redirect, but he's very smart.  He knows what we are doing, so he goes right back to "Get me the hell out of here".... we just tell him the doctor needs him to stay for a while...."HOW LONG", over and over.  What advise do you have?  Anything?  We are exhausted and it's only been 5 months....
rvgirl72
Posted: Friday, September 15, 2017 8:52 AM
Joined: 10/21/2016
Posts: 65


The only thing I can tell you is to remember that he's there for his own good.  That's so incredibly hard to do, though.  You can't handle him and they should be trained in how to divert or redirect him.  I never tell my Dad when I'll be back....just that I'll see him later.  Luckily he's pretty easy going.  He does get teary eyed every now & then.  It's just so hard on everyone.  Can you fib that his house is unsafe to go back to?  Like the floors are getting replaced or there's a problem with the water line?  Would he remember enough to fall for that?  I wish I had a way to help you; I totally understand your feelings.  It sounds like you & your sister are doing everything you can to help your dad.  Even though he can't tell you, he thanks you for loving him.  Take care of yourself.
Rockym
Posted: Friday, September 15, 2017 9:20 AM
Joined: 1/17/2016
Posts: 441


My mom is going through a stage where she knows her memory is messed up, although a year ago she would deny it adamantly.  She knows and seems to accept it's an illness and for the moment, she is okay in her community and does know I have her back.

Each time she sees me (and sometimes it was 3 times a week) she would say she hadn't seen me in weeks.  Most of the time I would remind her or sometimes just ignore that comment and ask how she is, how was lunch, etc.  When saying good-bye, mom would get a little anxious and ask who was going to help her, how would she get to dinner, etc., and this was always hard for me.  We went though the see you later, see you Saturday, etc., but soon I found out the best way to deal with good-byes was either, see you tomorrow (if she's not at her best) or see you soon.  Mom is the one that requested the see you soon back when we were having problems with good-bye language.

All I can say is parenting our parent in this condition is tough.  It requires constant rethinking and changing our heads for every stage and every change in them... yes I'm tired.


 
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