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Heavy heart(4)
gcortez
Posted: Thursday, February 8, 2018 9:48 PM
Joined: 4/10/2017
Posts: 125


Feeling si bey sad. Momma’s appetite has chsngrd drastically in the pass two weeks. Barely eats anything. Drinks her ensure and little malt. Momma spends more time in bed. Move her every two hours so no breaks in her skin. I have so much anger I don’t know what to do with it. It tears at my heart so see my beautiful momma so frail, thin, and weak. How I miss her. I get in bed with her and just listen to her heart. I love her smell. Then, the tears start to flow. My sisters continually tell me I need to pray to God to take momma home. It’s so hard to let go. Again, I know it’s selfish on my part. I have lost my best friend. My everything. I’m not the first and I won’t be the last. I don’t know. I just have so much anxiety and it triggers my migraines. At times, I don’t know if I can take it. How do I prepare myself?  I don’t know how long Momma will continue like this. I just feel so hopeless. 

Gina. 


Nanskeeper
Posted: Thursday, February 8, 2018 9:56 PM
Joined: 1/26/2018
Posts: 49


Dear Gina, I feel so sad for you.  I have tears in my eyes.  Your mother must be a wonderful woman.
ruthmendez
Posted: Thursday, February 8, 2018 9:58 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 1140


Gina, do you have hospice for her now?  Hospice can also help you in coping with this.
TessC
Posted: Thursday, February 8, 2018 10:28 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 4311


I am sorry for you and for your dear mother that she is now at this point in her life. It is very difficult to bear, but we must try. I agree-if your mother is not on hospice-give them a call and see what they can do for her. And if she is-start to use the chaplain to talk about your feelings. We can help on the forum, but there is nothing like face to face encounters where someone can give you a bunch of hugs. Take care and God Bless you and your sweet mother.
Twoevas
Posted: Thursday, February 8, 2018 10:39 PM
Joined: 10/8/2017
Posts: 155


I'm praying for you tonight. You mother is very blessed to have such a loving daughter by her side.
Tink4495
Posted: Thursday, February 8, 2018 10:42 PM
Joined: 5/2/2014
Posts: 667


Gina,

I am so sorry you are going through this difficult time. My heart breaks for you as I know how you feel. I was there with both my parents.  In my opinion, there is no way to prepare for our loved ones end of life. Even when we know it is coming and we think we are prepared, when it happens we are not really prepared. When we love someone so deeply, their passing leaves such a huge hole in our hearts. And with this horrific disease, we have to watch them slowly fade away. One thing I have learned in life, is that it is not always fair. The only advice I can give you is to spend as much time with your sweet mom as you can, Keep loving on her, tell her how much you love her and how much she means to you. It is okay to feel angry, step outside and yell as loud as you can, take lots of deep breaths. Letting go is hard, cherish the memories and know that when she is gone, she will be free of this horrible disease and will be whole again. Know that she loves you and that she knows how much you love her. You are not alone and this is so hard. Sending you soft hugs from one daughter to another.


lccaredaughter
Posted: Friday, February 9, 2018 9:05 AM
Joined: 2/3/2017
Posts: 172


I'm so sorry for your pain.  Your mother must be a wonderful person.  One thought ... you are very fortunate to have had this degree of closeness with your mother.  There is another group of us on this forum who have not been as fortunate.  Take care ... I do hope you can find some support to help you through this.
Iamnumberfour
Posted: Friday, February 9, 2018 9:42 AM
Joined: 2/29/2016
Posts: 1088


Gina, I am sorry that this is such a sad time for you. As others have suggested, please call hospice if you haven't already. And while it is hard to let go, I am sure that you know in your heart that your mother will be free from the suffering of this awful disease. To ease her passing, please tell her that she is free, that she can be with her parents and other loved ones who have already passed, and that although you love her and miss her, thanks to her love, you will be strong and you will be OK.
MRY4Mom
Posted: Friday, February 9, 2018 10:01 AM
Joined: 1/12/2014
Posts: 381


Praying for you and your Momma, Gina.
NanaSherri
Posted: Friday, February 9, 2018 10:17 AM
Joined: 1/31/2018
Posts: 19


So very sorry Gina, prayers for both of you.
mabeene
Posted: Friday, February 9, 2018 12:46 PM
Joined: 6/12/2017
Posts: 209


   I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Like others said be there for her, let her know how much you love her and how happy you are that she is your mother. Let her know it's okay when the time comes to let go and join Jesus and all her loved ones who are there waiting to welcome her.  Let her know you will be okay when she leaves that you will miss her terribly but will see her again one day. And when that time comes try to picture in your mind that reunion in heaven. Picture her whole again, free of physical and mental ailments. Picture her doing all the things she loved to do and how happy she is that she can do them again.                      My mother did not die from dementia, she had lung cancer but in the couple of weeks before her departure she would call out for her mother and father or see her sister who died around the age of 6. We would encourage her to go play with her. Though I never wanted to lose her I didn't want her to continue suffering from her disease. It's one of the hardest things you will ever have to do is say goodbye to your mother. Stay with her as much as you can, love her and give her reassurance that everything will be alright for her and you.                                           I will keep you and your sweet momma  in my prayers.  She has to be a sweet person to have raised such a loving daughter. Take care of yourself and try as hard is it is not to dwell on what may be happening.       


Wgonzo
Posted: Friday, February 9, 2018 4:09 PM
Joined: 1/8/2016
Posts: 306


Gina, my heart goes out to you. Please know we understand what you are feeling. My mom passed last month and I miss her so much. But, I feel comfort knowing she us no longer confused & in pain. It is hard to let go, but you need to reassure her that she can. Have faith, she's in God's hands for our home here is temporary. 

Hospice helped us, so look into that. God bless you.

Wendy


His Daughter
Posted: Saturday, February 10, 2018 12:34 PM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2153


Gina, as you can tell from the responses, we understand what you are feeling right now.  Big hugs are coming your way.   Change is never easy and grief is never fun.  Letting go happens slowly, sometimes baby steps at a time.  It's so obviously that you love your mother with all your heart,  I know you'll want what's best for her.   I promise you will get through this.   Just know that you are not alone.
ComeBack2Me
Posted: Saturday, February 10, 2018 3:34 PM
Joined: 1/25/2018
Posts: 23


Dear gcortez, i know   I'm feeling so sad and lonely at the moment too. Mom is suffering and I can't do anything. It feels like I can't breathe. I don't know how to explain the feeling. She's asleep now. She has an appointment at a psychiatrist on Monday. I need to get her to a neurologist a.s.a.p.
Hugs.


MissHer
Posted: Saturday, February 10, 2018 10:03 PM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 1672


I'm so sorry Gina. Please take care of yourself. Prayers and a hug sent your way.

  Deb 


gcortez
Posted: Saturday, February 10, 2018 10:05 PM
Joined: 4/10/2017
Posts: 125


Yes, my momma is a wonderful person. Beauty in and out. Whenever I think of momma, I see her smiling. This morning I had such an overwhelming moment withmomma. I had left her room and when I came back she had such s beautiful smile on her face. I smiled back and called her baby. That’s always been my special name for her. She proceeded to call me momma. This has happened many tines.  Momma then told me she was so happy I was her momma and asked if she had been s good daughter?  I told her she had been a fabulous daughter and was blessed to be her mother.  She was so very happy. I couldn’t stop from crying. Momma told me( as her momma) she couldn’t be happier.  It just touched my heart because how momma loves her momma is in return the love I share for her. It was such a special moment that I would hold close to my heart. So many precious memories of my beautiful momma. 

Gina


leilani
Posted: Sunday, February 11, 2018 1:51 PM
Joined: 8/6/2016
Posts: 307


All my love and prayers...<3
gcortez
Posted: Sunday, February 11, 2018 6:08 PM
Joined: 4/10/2017
Posts: 125


Seems like when it rains it pours. I have this dreaded flu. My sister is staying so I can stay away from momma.  I pray my precious momma and daughter don’t get the flu. So many of our students have the flu. I tried to be on top of it, but if was bound to happen. Prayers for my momma. 


Alice94
Posted: Monday, February 12, 2018 5:02 AM
Joined: 8/1/2016
Posts: 23


Gina, I am so sorry.  My mom is at the same point, except she is not drinking anything.  I have called in Hospice, I have the first meeting with them this week.  I understand how you feel, my mom was my everything, as well.  I hate this disease in ways I cannot begin to describe.  I'm sure this is not helpful, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
gcortez
Posted: Saturday, March 3, 2018 6:54 PM
Joined: 4/10/2017
Posts: 125


I appreciate all the supportive comments.  I don’t onow if Hospice will be involved.  It was a battle getting home health. I’m waiting eagerly for an outsider to give their perspective on momma. I feel my elders think I have disrespected them in some manner. We all want comfort measures for momm.  Yet, there does not seem to be anything in place. I have one sister who is an organizer. I am grateful for her.  She is my backbone. I can openly talk or cry with her, which is often. In the end, all anyone would want is the best possible care for one’s mother.  With my family, everything is a debate. It’s quite tiresome. There are days I wish everything would just fall into place. No chaos. That just doesn’t happen in my family.  Being with momma has humbled me. I try with all my heart to give her the dignity and respect she so rightfully deserves. She’s is a precious jewel that is to be treated ever so gently. 

Again, I thank you all for your supportive comments. 

Gina


 
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