Loading discussion content. Please wait...
Getting beat down
So, mom has always wanted to be the hero. But, she wants me to do whatever it is she had said she would do. Along with her being controlling, it has been tough for a long time, even before the dementia diagnosis. Today, she called and asked me to place an order for someone else, that she had told them she would do. "It's so hard for me to hear on this phone." I told her that person could place their own order, and she got mad at me and said that she would just do it then. I know my mom and if I give an inch, she'll take the whole Rocky Mountains. Should I give in every time? I feel like I give in all the time, anyway, just to get along. I'm getting tired of being the whooping girl. Where do I draw the line? Believe me, it's not as simple as it sounds.
My mom sounds like yours, except it's more like , Stop everything and come help me. I did it for years and finally got burnt out and refused. Whoa Nelly! I've heard: Well! You just paint your house! or Can't your daughter find someone else to babysit! Can't your boss call his own daughter to help him? Don't you have enough to do? ( Like take care of my step father after work.) She now lives with me and when she gets irritated with me it: I'm going home!! Like she is a guest in my house and I'm supposed to entertain her 24/7. So my vote is yes!! Tell her no and let her get huffy. lol
Well, I would not have said no. I might say that I could not get right on it but I would probably say sure. I would call the person requesting the favor and explain that your mother has dementia and to please not ask her to do things.
Boundaries? How do you set boundaries with someone who is cognitively impaired. Who will likely not remember the setting of the rules. Now I can understand setting boundaries for myself but it would be with the realization that change and not boundaries are the umbrella over my day.
My commitment to care of my husband was not limited to keeping him clean, safe and fed. It was to do my very best to provide for him emotionally as well. I think all of us need to look at the commitment we make. The big commitment not just where our LO is going to live or how many hours a week we will be oncall. A commitment that is made by us, it is our decision.
I knew it would mean changes in my life. I had no idea how many or how large. There were very hard times, great sadness and loneliness. Great responsibility. It was overwhelming at times.
Being controlled? Feeling beatened down? Very much so at times.
Thankfully you were here for me. !!!