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Posted: Friday, February 9, 2018 5:27 PM
Joined: 2/9/2018
Posts: 2

Hello everyone,

 My mother was diagnosed with Dementia about 3 months ago, but is in the moderate to late stage. She lives with her husband( my dad), but doesn't always seem to recognize him as her husband. She sometimes thinks there are 3 different people that come and go from the house. My dad doesn't seem to know how to talk to her, so sometimes he has problems getting her to eat and take her medication. She can't drive and only feels comfortable with me driving her places.

Because of this, my mom seems to see me as her Safety Net and calls me CONSTANTLY at any time of day or night about either wanting to go home, or that she is bored all the time. When I suggest things for her to do, she always refuses unless I do the activity with her. I visit her about 5 days a week, but talk to her constantly due to all the phone calls. My mom was diagnosed pretty young, as such I'm only 31 yrs old. Although my Dad stays with her, I feel like I'm the primary caregiver most of the time. Does anyone have any tips on how to get her from being bored?

 I feel like don't even have a life anymore. Does it ever get easier to cope?

Posted: Friday, February 9, 2018 6:07 PM
Joined: 1/11/2016
Posts: 548

Does your area have an adult daycare? Maybe she could go there be for a few hours a day. 

We hired a caregiver to be my mom's partner. She would come a few hours a day, take her to the movie, the museum, etc. That worked for about 8 months.

My sister and I would go part of the days too. Eventually she just needed one of us there more. 

Sorry I am not much help but this is what we did to help our step-dad out.

Posted: Friday, February 9, 2018 6:12 PM
Joined: 1/31/2018
Posts: 19

Have you thought about a day program? I am also a new care giver and it was suggested to me. I really feel like it is doing her so much good, and also gives your dad and yourself a break.
Here again
Posted: Friday, February 9, 2018 6:16 PM
Joined: 1/22/2018
Posts: 121

Sorry you are having to go through this JMoney.  To answer your question, does it get any easier?, No, it doesn't.  Being a care giver is a stressful, demanding and thankless job.  The good news is you have found a very supportive group on this message board.

 I am a full time care giver for my wife, so I understand the demands.  grammyteacher had some good suggestions.  Adult Day Care, if there is one in your area, would be a very good resource.  Having someone come in a day or two out of the week would be good.  I have a care giver that comes in twice a week to give me some relief.  They will also do light housekeeping.

"The 36 Hour Day" book has been mentioned several times on the message board.  I was just handed a copy yesterday and it is a good resource.  If there is a Support Group in your area that would be a good place to get support as well.

The very best of luck to you.

Iris L.
Posted: Friday, February 9, 2018 8:30 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 15641

Some PWDs (persons with dementia) may come to not recognize their own reflection in a mirror; thus when they pass a mirror they believe a stranger is there with them. Also, some PWDs believe that the figures inside a television are actual real people in the house.  The other members will tell you what to do in these cases, other than covering up all mirrors and avoiding televisions.

Iris L.

Stephanie Z
Posted: Friday, February 9, 2018 10:35 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4178

Hi, You haven't responded about the day care yet. I'm wondering if you think the attendees are too old for you mom. However, while there may be a few there her age, depending on what appeals to your mom, you might arrange for her to "volunteer" there a few times a week. This has worked for several families I know who worked with the day care staff to greet their LO and interview them as if they were going to volunteer. Then they ask the person to "help" with activities, set up the tables for lunch, fold napkins, talk to other "lonely" attendees, etc.

     At the end of the day, the person who "volunteered" had a wonderful time and for months, looked forward to their "Job" at the day care center.

Could work for you.

Stephanie Z

Posted: Saturday, February 10, 2018 2:45 PM
Joined: 2/9/2018
Posts: 2

Thank you for your replies!

Yes, I'm currently looking into a day care programs. But also, does anyone have any ideas on how to get them to go.

I've started putting the idea out there for her to think about. But most of the times, she's against that. Would I possibly have to go with her the first few times?

Posted: Saturday, February 10, 2018 4:03 PM
Joined: 11/13/2017
Posts: 10

I suggest you find a way to frame the activity in a way that appeals to her. You don't need to describe it as "adult day care." I liked Stephanie's suggestion to frame it as volunteering, if that's something your mother likes to do. Or frame it as a luncheon. Or whatever the specific activities will be. When my mom has had cognitive assessments, I've told her they are "get to know you" chats, since my mom is very social and loves telling stories.
Posted: Saturday, February 10, 2018 4:17 PM
Joined: 1/31/2018
Posts: 19

My MIL only want to go sometimes. I tell her its her senior group and she goes every week. Usually this will get her there, other times not . I just play it day by day. She will always ask" what are you going to do while I'm there"? I tell her something she doesn't like to do. That will usually take care of it.
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