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moved mom to mc
Every family is different. We did not bring my FIL home for any holidays after he moved and it was fine. He didn't notice. We celebrated with him in his MC later that day.
He talked about leaving alot but the few times we took him out, he was VERY fearful in the car and then wouldn't get out when we got there.
Hi burr! My mom, who has been out of her apartment for over 2 years, and in her newer place for 2 months, also talks about going home. In her case, "home" is 600 miles away at her previous place, where all her decades-old friendships in town existed. We moved her to be close to me, as I have a non-desk job so can usually respond to God-forbid-emergencies immediately.
We took her to a few family Sunday lunches, and then the next week, she asked to be excused. She said, with perfect truth, "I don't know any of the people you're talking about". She ends up (justifiably) feeling ignored. That told me I definitely shouldn't take her to Thanksgiving at my dil's mom's house with all 35 people! So we did Thanksgiving at the "formal dining room" at her place, just 5 people: very good.
So, I believe we won't take her to "big family Christmas", or even the smaller one with gifts but too many people. I think we'll do a small presents+dinner at her AL/MC, same 5 people.
Your situation is different because your home was her home too.I could never in a million years have her live with me, and we haven't lived in the same city nor state since I was 19, so my home was never hers. As she was exactly the same about her own mother-- and they lived in the same town too!-- I don't feel guilty. You have a couple of weeks to try different scenarios in your head-- sleep on them and see what percolates to the top.
I would try to look at the home visit from her eyes, the way she is now. I used to view things from my LO's perspective before she got dementia, but, I, found that it wasn't very helpful. She no longer liked lots of people around, noise, commotion, lots of talking, etc. It confused and frightened her and the good times, weren't good for her. So, visits with her at the MC worked out much better than taking her out. We met there and kept them short, since, she would tire easily and loose interest in the conversation. The amount of stimulation she can handle will change as she progresses.
In making the decision, I'd consider what might happen for the other family members if she become upset, confused, nervous, agitated, etc. I'd just be prepared to deal with that. And, keep in mind that her expectations and abilities may be different from how she used to be. I'd allow time to help her get readjusted at the MC, once you return her. Sometimes, my LO would become disoriented returning to the MC unit just going outside to sit on the patio for a while. Talking with the MC staff about your plans and concerns might be helpful too.
We moved my Mom late September...we have taken her out several times. Thanksgiving was a lot of people and very confusing for her....my sister and I think for Christmas we are going to go in small groups to her new home and visit that way. I think it is harder for us to feel "bad" about not taking Mom but in her reality I think it best she stay where she is.
hand in there!!!!
hello thanks for the post
How did your mom react when she was back at mc, was she confused when she got back and take time to settle back in, or was she o.k. We just visited last saturday I did not say much to her the family great grand kids were there and we took up our dog. she was happy to see us I let her talk with the family and she told them she was happy here and lucky to have a room but wants to go home in the summer. as we were told from alz help line us what they call therapeutic fib. so this week end her sister is coming to town and we are going up to visit.