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90 year old mom
Dejan
Posted: Sunday, December 2, 2018 12:28 PM
Joined: 12/2/2018
Posts: 1


My mom seems very critical and unappreciative. She has lived with me for approximately 15 years and is getting worse.  She seems to have really changed from a kind, gentle person to a slightly mean, self-absorbed person whose whole world resolves around her. I feel so guilty that I want some freedom, but have no one to turn to. Both sisters live out of state and have their own problems. 

I see no relief in sight. She has become hyperaware of me to the point that I feel smothered and it is emotionally hard to leave the house except for quick necessary trips. 

She still wants to do things she is not capable of doing such as cook and clean her room which she does not do either just talks about it and will not let me clean her room so it looks a horrible mess. 

If this sounds disconnected, I am new to this forum and hopefully will learn how to express myself better.

 

 


Dahlke
Posted: Sunday, December 2, 2018 1:32 PM
Joined: 7/6/2014
Posts: 1307


 Dear Dejan, 

First of all, you need to start taking time out for yourself before you reach the crash and burn stage. And youWILL if you continue. It sounds as if you are the only family that she has to care for her, so you are IMPORTANT. 

If you can afford someone to come in for  3 or 4 hours once or twice a week, do so.  You can tell your Mom it's a friend who needs a bit of help $ wise, if you think she might resist.  If that doesn't work, just do it anyway.  NO ONE can do this alone.  

Take care and rest assured taking time off from your caregiving responsibilities should not be a guilt trip.

Dahlke (Cynthia)


abc123
Posted: Tuesday, December 4, 2018 10:06 AM
Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 254


My heart breaks for you.
D in law
Posted: Tuesday, December 4, 2018 10:30 AM
Joined: 4/24/2017
Posts: 345


I have a close friend whose elderly mother (not officially diagnosed) is very critical of her as well.  Her father is her primary caregiver and she visits once a week  as that is all she can bear at this time.  She speaks to her Dad almost daily.

You've been at this 15 years, that is nothing short of amazing!  Especially when you see them decline and their behaviors/moods change.  I know how hard it must be to think your mother is not appreciative of you, but I'm willing to bet she is!!!!!   It could be that between her age, and a brain disease, this is her way of communicating it.  I would encourage you to not take her "getting worse" as being directed at you, she cannot help it.  I would definitely look into a part time care giver to provide some relief.  Care.com, or an agency, or please call the hotline here and they could assist you.   Best wishes.


 
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