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Moved LO to memory care
We moved mom. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Gut wrenching to leave. But we got through it. A close friend who is a social worker and worked at nursing homes really recommended we not visit for a week. Take things to the room, spy from afar and talk to staff but not see mom. She said it hampers the process of adjusting, reminding them somewhere in there that this is not where they should be. She said after a week or so they are better adjusted to their new normal. I trust her so we'll stay away but it will be hard. We got an evening update that she ate dinner and after being told she was going to spend the night she was confused but not agitated (she was super anxious before that.) So hoping the morning update is ok.
A few rambling things that might be useful to someone else about to do this:
I thought I would be a bawling mess after leaving. But I just felt empty and drained. I think I did all my bawling ahead of time. And now we wait and see.
Oh it is heartbreaking, I know. I sure hope things work out and she stays calm.I always helped the aides and the activity director when I visited mom. It gave me something to do because it was difficult engaging mom in anything. I also sat with mom when called. I'm pretty sure it helped to keep her in there longer due to her bad behaviors. I sure do miss her though.
Has anyone told you lately what a wonderful daughter you are? Your parents are really blessed to have you.
I asked/told multiple staff about it and they said it was fine, they must know which residents would be ok with it.
She had a rough first night. Was awake and exit seeking most of the night. She is fine when they have structured activities but any down time and she is pretty agitated. They let her call me yesterday. I tried to sound upbeat and confident but it was killing me inside. I told her she should stay there today and we would see her soon. She said "A whole day?!?" Oh if only you knew. I hate knowing she is upset and none of us can help her. But I do think visiting right now would just reset the process and make her go looking for us all the time.
Hi MN Chickadee,
Don't know if there is any research or reports by staff at MC facilities about visiting. As a PWD I vote for visiting. Doesn't have to belong, since by the time a person is in MC their concept of time is apt to be compromised.
And as always, use of Naomi Feil'sValidation method should make life easier for all.