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Not a good momweek
I usually feel empty after I leave MC, it goes away after a shirt while, but I still feel empty and adrift today
WARNING BAD THOUGHTS AHEAD
If this is the “newest normal”, I hope she doesn’t last to her next birthday. I don’t want her “existing” to 90
Having those thoughts is nothing to be ashamed of. The analogy I use is a little extreme, but it makes sense. It's like having a pet at the end of their life. You try to make them more comfortable (bed steps, extra treats and attention, and shorter walks etc.) and it works for a while until it is time to end the suffering. Visiting your LO most definitely is a positive influence in their life, especially when they start losing their daily functions. Sometimes, it's the only thing they look forward to. Making them more comfortable where they are is so important, even if they do not always comprehend what's going on. It is stressful, and weighs a lot on your shoulders when you visit, especially if they're having a bad day. In these times, it's best to remember all the good memories you have with you LO and assure yourself that you know their true personality. It's just the disease taking over. We're all helpless against memory issues, so the only defense is to comfort them to live the rest of their life peacefully.
Try your best to enjoy your time you have left with her. Maybe you could try to channel her internal conversations to something you can both talk about. Many alzheimers and dementia patients have great memory of their earlier life, so maybe bonding over a mutually positive subject is the way to go.
I wish you the best of luck, and take care.
Oh, I totally get you. Yeah that sucks. I didn't know she lost her vision so young. My mom was pretty much wanting to quit when she lost most of her vision to macular degeneration.
Don't give way too much of yourself away. Sounds like you got too much going on. Take breaks here and there. It's a tough road, especially on your own.
Hey SelEt - just sending you some peace and harmony thoughts. Our weeks have been improving this month, January was all crash-and-burn. I hope you and your Mom's week finishes better than it started.
It’s been tough trying to shake this off and move forward, been weepy since Sunday..I suspect it’s because I’m thinking since this was her status twice in one week, its going to be the new-new-normal, and its another decline
Plus, her birthday is in two weeks, they do cake at MC, but honestly, there’s nothing to celebrate any more. I keep thinking back to her bday last year, and how different things are now. It’s awful and sad
I have acupuncture today and my support group tonight, maybe those will help
Please don't beat yourself up for your thoughts about mom not existing to the next birthday. We all think that way. I tried to explain to my brother and his wife that if mom's mental anguish was displayed on her physical body instead... she would have open gaping wounds and tubes in all of her openings and would not be able to do anything on her own. That sight would make us realize how much she is suffering. But because she is suffering inside of her mind, it is not 'visible'. It's a long slow form of torture to its victims and that includes us. And yes, we have to find the reason to believe each day that there is a reason for it all and that there is meaning in it all. And we do that. But then there are these times when we just can't bear to see this person that we love suffering so much and in such a debilitating way. Hope you turn the corner soon and find a better week ahead.