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Caregivers Who Have Lost Someone
A year now
It's been a year since Dad passed. Sometimes, I still think he is going to walk in the door and sit in his chair. Sometimes, I feel like he is near... Not long ago, I was driving in St Louis and missed my turn.. then it was like I heard him.. in my thoughts.. 'Aren't you glad I taught you to read a map? You are not lost...just not on the road you intended.' And he did teach me to read a map.. mainly so I'd quit asking "How much farther?" on those trips we'd take.. I now have his collection of maps, too. Mom didn't see any reason to keep them.
And, it took nearly a year, but "most of Dad" has been sprinkled on the golf course of his choice. The "remainder of him" is still in the closet.. I think waiting for warmer weather so we can take him to a favorite picnic area.
Thank you for listening.
What I have learned..is that we all deal with the loss in our own way.. not that I was in a hurry to deal with Dad being gone, but I didn't fight the thoughts.. I just took them as they came. Mom..in her own way, tried to stay as busy as possible, and NOT think about him being gone. But, now, we can both talk about Dad, laugh at those funny moments we had..and it's not over..and may never be, but it's a bit easier (most days) than it was..
Sometimes, when I remember that I am his offspring, then I know that part of him continues to live.. in me.
Hi Daughter. I just passed the 9 month mark and I'm starting to get more signs that mom is around and it makes me feel so relieved and a bit more content if that makes sense. I feel like she's telling me that she's ok and I don't need to worry. Those of us getting these signs are very fortunate.
AmyJo, you will get your signs soon enough. I found it happened when I stopped thinking about it so much. I think the stress causes us to not notice the signs. Hopefully you will get your signs very soon. It took me about 6 months before I noticed any. Hang in there.
AmyJo we all were where you are right now and we all took more than we could give in the beginning. Sharing our experiences with those who need it is all we can do. Your experiences will be invaluable to someone else very soon.
The signs are coming, just try not to look for them because in my experience, they'll find you.
Daughter, Amy & Kat, I just hit 10 months and the pain and sadness is far less then a few months back. I had to design my mom's grave stone alone and this process was both frustrating and funny. My mom left notes about an employee at the cemetery where at least 10+ of my family are buried. I think she was having a tough time when my dad died (she never told me), but her notes about someone who was arrogant, wanting to call the BBB, etc. was pretty spot on.
I had similar problems and I just kept thinking back to yep, mom had it spot on. I don't think she would have wanted it rough for me, but those notes made me recognize these guys just weren't as helpful as they should have been. I don't have the fight in me to lay it all out to them and complain, but hopefully the tablet will be completed before mom's 1 year mark.
Anyway, I will say for everyone... the signs are there. Sometimes they are comforting and other times funny and for me in the beginning, some were downright scary. I still go over in my mind now and then how mom passed, her hospital visit, her quick Hospice and the final moments. I'm not obsessing as I did in the beginning and I always look for the silver lining. My dad taught me that and it has helped tremendously over the years.
Daughter.. I love this thought "Sometimes, when I remember that I am his offspring, then I know that part of him continues to live.. in me." So accurate and yes, we are made up parts of them aren't we?