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Plan B
Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2019 10:55 AM
Joined: 12/21/2014
Posts: 486

I know I should have some alternate plan(s) in place in the event something happens to me.  I just don't know where to start!!

Curious to know what other caregivers have in place for their loved ones.

I'm really "it" for both my parents.  Brother lives at parent's house but is out of town working 2/3 of the year.

I wouldn't even know where to begin!  Who would dad call first?  What would his options be?  Is there somewhere I can go to get more info - for example Alzheimer's association here in town?  would they be able to "help" me with this?

Eric L
Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2019 11:24 AM
Joined: 12/5/2014
Posts: 1004

This might be one of those things where enlisting the help of a geriatric care manager might be worth it.
Mimi S.
Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2019 11:36 AM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7036

I would certainly suggest having a conference with the social worker from your local office. A geriatric care manager would certainly be one option.  And even if your brother is gone a lot, can he still be counted on for some help?

Until you figure this out, is there a friend or neighbor who could step in?

D in law
Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2019 1:49 PM
Joined: 4/24/2017
Posts: 517

  I'd make the brother your POA and let him deal with it.  Do you use any paid caregivers now?  I would leave Dad the info for someone like that 'til brother gets on board.

 I know a daughter (my cousin) who took the brunt and most of the care of her Mom off her father and brother.  She did it all.   Then after the mother passed, it was agreed that the brother would take care of the father.  He is well into his 90's now.  Living near his son (in a facility) who oversees his care.  Meanwhile, daughter has moved into a new home and having a good life last time I saw them all.  

Your topic just made me think of that.  Let us know if you are able to come up with a good plan.  It's good you're thinking what if.  Sign of a good caretaker.


Bob Sacamano
Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2019 3:22 PM
Joined: 1/31/2012
Posts: 450

Similar to you Romiha, I have a good-for-nothing sibling. If something were to happen to me, I assume that she would not let our mother die from neglect and place mom in a NH. Although with her you never know, she is a bit of a sociopath. My mom doesn't have any other close relatives that would be in position to help, so my sister is it. If I didn't have her, I would have placed my mom a long time ago because I don't think that it's responsible to go at this totally alone.
Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2019 4:34 PM
Joined: 10/9/2014
Posts: 569

Are either of your parents still able to appoint Healthcare and Durable Power of Attorney? If so, I'd have them get those papers signed, so they can appoint you or whoever they wish and then you will know who will be in charge, when they are incompetent, sick or injured.  That way, you can legally take care of their fiances too.  Normally, they would appoint an alternate, as well, in case, you are not able to serve.  If brother is unable or unwilling, I'll explore other options. It's a really big job.   

And, if they both have dementia and are living alone, I'd go ahead and explore getting professional help, since, eventually, they will need more and more hands on care. 

Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2019 5:24 PM
Joined: 12/21/2014
Posts: 486

So to clarify, I (and my brother) are already POA for both parents, including 'regular' POA and Healthcare POA.  I'm first (since I'm the oldest) and then my brother.

So that's all in place. And we are both co-signers on all parents bank accounts.

Brother works for a company that has him out of town 2/3 of the year.  In fact, he has been in Gainseville, FL for over a week - is driving back today - supposed to arrive home Thursday afternoon - then Saturday turns right around and drives back to Gainesville.  He drives one of those big trucks, delivering stuff for installations, does the installations.  But even when he's home, he's only there 1-2 days at most and works at the plant if not a weekend.  Yes, I know he would be 'next in line' but since he has not been "in the loop", I want to have options at the least for him.  I honestly can't begin to imagine him quitting his job to stay home and feed mom, take care of her toileting needs, etc.  But he'd have no clue what to do, so that's why I need to have a Plan B in place, so at least he has some idea of what to do.  If something drastic happened to me, I can't let dad try to figure that all out, even with a Plan B - he just doesn't have the mental capacity any more to cope with decisions like that.

We do not have a geriatric care manager.  We don't have a social worker.  Where would I go to find those people?  lol. 

I am the "paid" caregiver!  We have a bath aide that comes once a week but I don't think she would be the appropriate contact person.  

Guess I will contact the local Alzheimer's Association and ask their input.

Dad can't care for mom on his own - he has balance/gait issues and numb hands.  That's why I'm there!  And he is no longer comfortable driving and so I do all of the driving now (grocery store, doctor's appointments, etc).  I do let him start his car and drive it up/down the street (dead end) once a month because he doesn't want the battery to die.  He uses a service to get to/from the barber shop - cheaper than paying someone to sit with mom for me to take him.


Bob Sacamano
Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2019 6:59 PM
Joined: 1/31/2012
Posts: 450

I got the name of a geriatric care manager from two people in my support group that utilize his services. I gave his name and number to my sister with the explicit instruction that if anything were to happen to me, to call him and let him handle everything from A to Z.
Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2019 7:36 PM
Joined: 2/29/2016
Posts: 1268

Important topic. I think that there was a discussion awhile back about caregivers wearing a MedicAlert bracelet or carrying a card saying that they are caregiver for a PWD.

Earlier in my mom's illness, I put together a large three ring binder with relevant information such as family names and phone numbers, doctor's offices, dietary instructions, medications, prescribed PT exercises, daily routine and activities, household information, etc. You might do something similar and make sure your brother knows where it is (but put it somewhere that your parents can't find it, move it, and forever lose it). You might do a little research on home care agencies and include that information. Likewise, it wouldn't hurt to have done some research on area facilities and include that information.

Consulting a geriatric care manager to set up an emergency plan is also a good idea. You can look online; also call the Alz hotline 1-800-272-3900 to see if they can help with a referral. I didn't have a lot of luck in my mother's area: one was retired, and the other seemed laser-focused on Medicaid trusts and "preserving the assets." 

Is there a trusted friend or neighbor who could act as point person if there were an emergency and your brother were out of town? Is there a neighbor who could keep on eye out for something unusual, such as no sign for you for an extended period of time?

It is a sobering thought; I hope that having a contingency plan means never having to use it.

MN Chickadee
Posted: Thursday, March 14, 2019 8:41 AM
Joined: 9/7/2014
Posts: 749

I guess if it were me I would do as lamnumber4 said and have a binder of info to at least get him started. Meds, doctors, phone numbers etc. Maybe the names of a couple geriatric care managers he could call to step in. Maybe call those managers and get details on what they would need, how quickly they could assist etc. Don't you still have your own place? You could leave the info there, and tell your brother and son it's there just in case something happens.  He wouldn't  have to quit his job, probably just take some time off to deal with the crisis. And make sure your own paperwork is in order, so that they don't have an added headache of your estate if god forbid something were happened to you.  I know you don't want your son to have the burden but likely he is a good person (having such an awesome mom) and would rally when the family needed him. At least to help with logistics of getting the grandparents moved. And it's not all about if you die, much less could put you out of commission temporarily so it's good to have a plan. Influenza, a broken leg, concussion, who knows. I would have the name of an agency that could be called on short notice to come to the house temporarily, and would place mom on MC waitlists at a number of places and dad on assisted living lists right now. Most places you can decline and say you aren't ready when they call and stay on the list, they will just call again when a room opens. It's a safety net.  Esp for mom, if she was on a few lists hopefully something would be available if it was urgent. I did this long before I told my parents, just gave MC facilities my personal phone #/email and parents were none the wiser.
Posted: Thursday, March 14, 2019 9:39 AM
Joined: 3/8/2018
Posts: 703

IA#4 wrote: <<I think that there was a discussion awhile back about caregivers wearing a MedicAlert bracelet or carrying a card saying that they are caregiver for a PWD.>>

I have information about mom stored in the “emergency” section of my phone. And my local fire dept has a database with a field that can be customized with information about the resident(s) at a location, which gets shared with EMS and PD responders

Posted: Thursday, March 14, 2019 9:42 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 16783

If placement is your concern please start now to find the right/best fit. It is not an easy task.

This will help;

I would also look at Abe's Garden and the Hearthstone to get an idea of what is possible. They are leaders in the field and have truly raised the standard of care.

Smells nice, good food and activities are merely a starting point. 


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