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Hit the tipping point last night
The idea of putting dad into MC or some form of SNF has always been on the fringes of my mind (and the minds of my siblings) for months, but after last night, I realized it's time.
What happened was two nights in a row Dad has been wandering. He got up at 10:30 p.m. (I put him to bed around 7:30 due to sundowning) which he has never done before, and starts walking around the house, coffee Thermos in hand and wondering what's going on in the house, even though all the lights are out, the doors are locked, everything is turned off and everybody else in the house has already gone to bed. I've been woken up both times to go fetch him and put him back to bed. Thankfully, we caught him before he could go outside which is a distinct possibility since he is so concerned about the weeds and the pine needles.
During this wandering time, he was confused as to the date, the time, the year, who was in the house, etc. Basically everything he said was incorrect. He also was incontinent (but was wearing a disposable bladder leak protection underwear). This morning he needed a lot of help to get dressed, was resistant to showering (thankfully he was not violent about it) and he was resistant to taking his medication.
That's when I realized that this is getting to a point where I cannot give him the care he requires, hold down a full time job and coordinate the household. It simply cannot be done. I told my siblings it was time and they agreed. We're already dividing up tasks and I've started in on mine this morning. Going to be a rough couple of months as we get him transitioned, but better now than when he turns violent.
MrG, this was a similar situation to mine back in September with mom. I finally said “I can’t do this any more” and called the NH MC I had picked out. It was the hardest phone call I ever had to make, but I knew it was the right thing to do....for her, and for me.
Major kudos to you for getting the ball rolling today.
I'm very happy for you. This is extremely difficult even for us oldsters. I don't want my adult children caring for me and they know it. No way.
I am almost where you are now. My dad has become a wanderer at night but we haven't worried about him going outside. He just unlocks all the doors and turns on all the lights.
I wish you luck and comfort in your decision. God Bless You, I know it is a hard decision.