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Feeling Sad(2)
ugomimi
Posted: Tuesday, April 9, 2019 10:48 PM
Joined: 5/11/2017
Posts: 42


II am having a hard time looking forward to each day. Feeling like nothing to look forward to for my DH and I. We are both retired and before his diagnosis of AD we always taked of traveling. I now realize how as a coup!e it was easier. He was good at driving and I would make reservations and get the maps. But I have a problem with balance and he cannot drive. I dont want to a down aand negative but I  just cant seem to find hope for much exciting for us.. I do see a therapist and take an antidepressant. Guess I just need to share. I also dont wa t to stay on the Pity pot so will keep working on a grattitude list!
Iris L.
Posted: Wednesday, April 10, 2019 12:58 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 15806


If you can travel at all, look into an Azheimer's Cruise.  I went in 2017.  

Iris L.


SunnyBeBe
Posted: Wednesday, April 10, 2019 10:50 AM
Joined: 10/9/2014
Posts: 535


I can certainly understand how you might be down or sad.  Having your DH diagnosed is a very life altering thing. It's so good that you are getting counseling. Sharing is vital too. That cruise sounds awesome.  Is there anyone who could do the driving for you and DH in the future?
Beachfan
Posted: Wednesday, April 10, 2019 2:14 PM
Joined: 2/1/2018
Posts: 233


Stay on that Pity pot for as long as you need to.......Lord knows it’s not like musical chairs; no one will swoop in to steal your spot.  There is no winner at the end of this game.  Vent away, hopefully there will be brighter days ahead.

  I don’t often feel sad but I do get perplexed.  Yesterday, DH (solid stage 6) and I picked up our 4 year old granddaughter from pre-school.  I dragged him, literally and figuratively, in and out of the car, to and from the school, buckled him in, unbuckled him  and so on and so on......It’s an “outing” for him, but takes 3 times as long and requires 3 times the manpower and sometimes makes me weary.  I got to thinking about all the things he was once able to do and the places he went and it almost seems impossible.   Did he really take our kids and assorted neighbor kids to major league ball games?  Could he actually babysit the grandkids years ago and keep them safe and entertained for hours?  Did he honestly take his high school baseball players to out of state colleges on recruiting  trips?  To see him now, shuffling around the driveway, it all seems implausible and yet I know it’s true.  I am beyond sadness for us; it is what it is and I can only make the best of it day to day.  But I can’t help but wonder how and why it all went South.   

Nostalgia over now!  I will read a good book in the sun, wait for the grands to get off the school bus and pop DH a little CBD capsule in anticipation of dinner and nonsense with another set of grands.  (Don’t know if the CBD works, but one can only hope.). Hang in there and just do one day at a time.  


VKB
Posted: Wednesday, April 10, 2019 3:52 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 3418


Hang in there.  Yes, life can be the pits sometimes.  Just keep looking each day for those small little blessings that are always there.  Our thoughts control our feelings, so try to think positive thoughts.  It does help lots.  Peace always, Veronica
caregiving daughter
Posted: Wednesday, April 10, 2019 4:04 PM
Joined: 11/27/2012
Posts: 1988


Keep talking--we're listening. If anyone says, "At least, ...", then talk to someone else.
TessC
Posted: Wednesday, April 10, 2019 4:24 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 4671


You know what you are feeling is normal, but that doesn't make it any easier. It's not my DH who has Alz but my mother, and I feel sad too and cannot travel because of her. I can look forward to traveling with my husband when she is gone, but of course you cannot look forward to the same thing. But perhaps there are other things you can look forward to, so it's important to take care of yourself so you can do some things you have had to put off for so many years. Hope is what keeps many of us afloat. Please share with us-especially on the Spouses Board as the members there can really relate to your feelings.

 Be well and good luck with your dear husband.


ugomimi
Posted: Friday, April 12, 2019 9:19 PM
Joined: 5/11/2017
Posts: 42


Thank you. So wonderful to have all of you who really get it! I also wonder at times what my DH use to do. Even go to the store for a loaf of bread, or fix a meal for us. The changes seem to happen so quickly and seem silly now,but I miss being his partner, now I feel alone alot.
ugomimi
Posted: Friday, April 12, 2019 9:25 PM
Joined: 5/11/2017
Posts: 42


A gift to treasure; the other night I got coughing, he was asleep but spoke to me as he use to in a loving and caring way "are you ok?" And held my hand  . Usually he sleeps through anything. I cherish that moment!
Tiredcv
Posted: Friday, April 12, 2019 9:42 PM
Joined: 4/12/2019
Posts: 1


 I was a caregiver for my father for 10 years, then for my mother for 5 years. They are now in heaven and I am glad that I gave them my love and care. But I have to recognize it was not an easy period of my life. Soon thereafter, I retired and was looking forward to a more restful life. Not 6 months passed when I noticed my husband was forgetting daily life things. He was diagnosed Alzheimer's. It was devastating and I have returned to be a caregiver one more time. It is difficult. You love the person who has been your life for so many years and it hurts to see him slip away. In addition, I am so tired of  taking care of all this alone and I pray that God gives me strength to carry on. I fear the near future, and I thought maybe this online group can help me. Thank you.


ButterflyWings
Posted: Monday, April 15, 2019 6:51 PM
Joined: 12/11/2018
Posts: 60


Dear Tiredcv - I am taking the liberty of reposting your note in a separate post where you may receive direct replies. To you and ugomimi: sending strength and peaceful moments your way. This forum is a true blessing.

Tiredcv wrote:

 I was a caregiver for my father for 10 years, then for my mother for 5 years. They are now in heaven and I am glad that I gave them my love and care. But I have to recognize it was not an easy period of my life. Soon thereafter, I retired and was looking forward to a more restful life. Not 6 months passed when I noticed my husband was forgetting daily life things. He was diagnosed Alzheimer's. It was devastating and I have returned to be a caregiver one more time. It is difficult. You love the person who has been your life for so many years and it hurts to see him slip away. In addition, I am so tired of  taking care of all this alone and I pray that God gives me strength to carry on. I fear the near future, and I thought maybe this online group can help me. Thank you.

 

 

 



communis.opinio
Posted: Wednesday, April 17, 2019 8:05 PM
Joined: 4/17/2019
Posts: 4


Wake up with soft or cheery music.

Stretch. Watch comedy every day, old shows that will bring happy memories, or current.

If you are taking Prozac for depression, suspended little by little. Try LIONS MANE, research it. Positive effects will be noticeable by the third week.

Do projects.

Thank God for an other day.

Be happy


Suziesb
Posted: Thursday, April 18, 2019 12:24 AM
Joined: 5/22/2018
Posts: 112


If your husband is at all capable of a trip now, do it. The Alzheimer's cruise sounds great. Do what you can while he can! My mother with Alzheimer's doesn't do well with flying but she enjoys little driving excursions. (That being said, I am right there with you on the amount of energy expended getting her in the car, buckling her up, etc.) Once we have her in there, though, she is content to ride along the ocean.

I'm thinking this summer we'll take her up along the coast and just do a day trip or two. 

It's hard enough being the daughter and caregiver, I'm sorry for you all as spouses of the LO, it has to be even harder. Hugs.


Pippinwhite
Posted: Thursday, April 18, 2019 11:01 PM
Joined: 3/4/2018
Posts: 51


My mom is in a nursing home, and I visit about twice a week. I can't do anymore than that. It hurts to see her slipping away, a little more every time. She still knows me, but she's sleeping more, not eating a lot, and I know the time is drawing near. I don't want her to suffer, and I want to be there for her, but visiting is awful. She's in a nice facility, and the staff take good care of her.


I hate this so much. I know I'm not saying anything you all haven't said, too, but some days it comes crashing down and it did today. Went to our Maundy Thursday service and that did help, but it just gets harder every time to go to that nursing home. 

Most of the time, I'm just sad. I do laugh, and have moments when I'm not sad, but mostly, I'm just sad.

Dementia is hideous. It's hellish and it's so damned unfair. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of being the responsible one, but that's not gonna change. I'm tired of being helpless in the face of my mom's decline. She's probably early 7 now. She's not happy and I know she's not, and that's hellish, too.

Hugs to all of you. Please think about me. I feel so alone.

 


Suziesb
Posted: Friday, April 19, 2019 1:19 AM
Joined: 5/22/2018
Posts: 112


Pippin, thinking of you tonight. I was down too. I watched some light things on television to lighten my mood. That helped a little. 

I was trying to think of the positive things in my life...practicing gratitude.

Crazy the small things that give me comfort, too. Mom's cat has attached herself to me for some reason and lies next to me purring all of the time. It's nice.  

Be well. You definitely are not alone.

 


Carl999
Posted: Saturday, April 20, 2019 1:32 PM
Joined: 4/20/2019
Posts: 1


Hi Everyone, Pippinwhite:

I feel for you, and everyone here.  My mom has the stage of Alz where she is almost unable to swallow.  And even trying to eat pureed food gets stuck in her throat.  She is depressed and sad, and begs for our father to take her with him (he died in 2007).  It really gets to me watching her deteriorate.  This by far is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.  Luckily for me, I have siblings that visit her as well afew times per week to help keep her company...and the retirement home keeps an eye on her a few times a day when we can't be there for her.  We are trying to get her into a nursing home, but time will tell...I'd feel a bit better if she was in one of those.

I do find it hard to cope...I did read some strategies that I will try.  Thank you for this...if there are others, then I'm open to those as well.  I visit her 3-4 times per week and there are times that I really don't want to go (to see her like this), but if I didn't, then I wouldn't be able to live with myself.  For me, all I have been doing is accepting the reality of the situation and practicing mindfulness meditation (have been doing 30 min body scans for the past 17 weeks).  Without these, I would probably be a mess since I am stressed and suffer from anxiety and sleepless nights.  I guess I still am, but at least its not as bad since I started the meditation practice.

Best wishes to Everyone and the strength to face this awful condition.  Take care.
LicketyGlitz
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2019 3:02 PM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 303


ugomimi, I go through this too. I get that nothing-to-look-forward to feeling, what's-the-point mood. I too take an antidepressant and it does help, but it doesn't make me completely immune to still getting the bummed-outs for a few days on end. Sounds like you got the same situation?

Sometime retail therapy helps. I'm about to splurge on a Instant Pot I can't afford just to have something new to play with.

I'm with 'ya. Hang in there.


 
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