Standard Monthly Site Maintenance Scheduled for Sunday,
July 21st from 8:00 p.m. CT to 2 a.m. CT. Click here for more information.
Loading discussion content. Please wait...
How far to go with fibbing?
The best answer is the one that brings the most comfort.
No matter what it is.
The flip side of this is that telling the truth to make yourself feel better is truly selfish, for the person you are talking to no longer has the ability to reason - it is fractured beyond repair.
I might suggest if he is obsessive and upset about these topics, a Geriatric Psychiatrist familiar with dementia patients might be able to help. A very low dose of anti-anxiety medication turned things around for the positive for us
Phoenixjs, I am with Kingboo....where ever you take your loved one back to they will not be happy there and you will be miserable. My dmil has only lived in 2 homes her whole 85 years, her childhood home, which she left when she married my dfil at 21 yo and the house she still lives in (so she has lived at her current home 61+ years). She wants to go HOME! She means her childhood home....Clearly, I think what the pwd wants is to return to a place where they felt comfortable, and they did not "feel" like they feel now, with dementia/Alzheimers. Obviously I can not take her back in time as well as place. I can not revive her parents and brother and make her 12 yo again....never mind return her childhood home to her. I suspect that your loved one also wants to return to an earlier time as well as place. Repeat, repeat, repeat any ideas on why it can't be today. I know it is difficult due to the repeat cycles. My dmil used to have about a 5 min repeat of wanting to go home. I would just pick a reason we could not go, roads were closed, it is too cold out, it is dark, they are working on the house.....repeat again and again. "Lucky" she seems to have mostly moved on from this and has progressed to almost stage 7 and is currently on hospice. so eventually is does slow and stop. You are doing the right thing for them, they just don't understand that.
Lie like an Oriental Rug. When he asks to go home, say "What a great idea! I can't do it today, because I have to get the movers scheduled, but I bet I could do it in about 2 weeks." Shuts down the conversation and, of course, he'll forget what you said, so you can use the same story next time he asks. I used this same technique with my mom when she asked to go home. Once she heard I agreed she should go home and would take her in a week or so, she'd be satisfied and wander off and do something else.
My problem with fibbing is that I never know when mom is actually going to remember something she was told previously. So when she says she wants to go "home" (her childhood home is just down the street from her current home) we've can tell her can't can't for some reason and she says, "Oh yes. My parents are dead and strangers live there." Then 5 minutes later she insists on going to see her parents down the road. You never know quite which way she's going to swing and whether what you tell her is going to set off an anger episode or not.
It's not easy to keep the fibs straight or go with the flow some days...