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Adult Day Care(6)
Betsy
Posted: Tuesday, April 30, 2019 8:51 AM
Joined: 6/13/2012
Posts: 1


We will be taking my mother-in-law to adult day care soon to give my father-in-law a few hours/days of time to himself. He is her full time care giver and he is really beginning to feel the strain. We do what we can, but because he is there 24/7, the bulk of it all falls on him.

I am looking for some tried and true suggestions or tidbits to help her with a smooth transition to the day facility. Should we tell her a they need some help at the facility and we volunteered her? What suggestions do you have?


D in law
Posted: Tuesday, April 30, 2019 10:38 AM
Joined: 4/24/2017
Posts: 522


Hi Betsy. Welcome.  That exact idea has been tried and has worked.  Depending on her initial reaction which I hope goes really well for your family, sometimes having a loved one spend part of the time at the day care has also helped in the transition of something new.  Best wishes to you.
MN Chickadee
Posted: Tuesday, April 30, 2019 10:57 AM
Joined: 9/7/2014
Posts: 750


Try anything that might fly. Call it a coffee club, a senior club that needs volunteers, the doctor ordered it, whatever she might go for. In the end calling it something else didn't work for my mom. We ended up saying we were required to pre-pay for the month and she may as well go for what we paid for since it was non-refundable. Being the frugal woman she is she said "fine, but don't pay for another month." Since her memory is shot she didn't know when a month came and went. She fought it every day and it was a difficult transition but so worth it in the end. By about week 5 she was enjoying it and it wasn't a problem anymore. It became very important to her quality of life in addition to her caregiver's. After a few months she thought she volunteered there, as do many others. If that is something that would appeal to your MIL you could spend the first day or two with her "volunteering" together and then start making excuses to duck out, such as you have a doctor's appointment and will come back to get her after. 
Mimi S.
Posted: Tuesday, April 30, 2019 12:00 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7036


Betsy,

Welcome to our world. I'm so glad you foudour site.

i do hope Day Care works out. however, that may not be enough time for her husband.

 

Are there financial assets to pay for Assisted Living. If so, please do think about it. The sooner the better.  Hubby will still visit and be her main advocate.
LicketyGlitz
Posted: Tuesday, April 30, 2019 5:59 PM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 332


Hey Betsy, we have been utilizing inter-generational day care centers for a couple of years now and it's been a great addition to our care giving strategy.

If you haven't already sussed out the workers at the day care center, do so. They will be experts on getting your MIL engaged quickly and will have good suggestions for you as first timers. They are always ready with a hug and a cup of cocoa to pull Mom into the center and get her attention so I can head out. On days that our mom is resisting going in, or being left at her daycare, we hang out with her and the other participants for 5 or 10 minutes until it's a discreet time to leave without causing her stress.

We've utilized three different day respite options, and each had their particular strengths, all had "everyday angels" manning them, and one became a final standout so now we go there exclusively five days a week.

I hope it's a good solution for your family and MIL too. Good luck to you all.


Jgiles9289
Posted: Thursday, May 2, 2019 6:24 AM
Joined: 2/5/2018
Posts: 37


I started my mom in October and like most things I have initiated during her trip with ALZ, she initially liked the idea and then immediately hated it.  I have always referred to it as a senior center and told her it was part of the Edward King Ctr she used to visit which was a different senior center with friends for arts, programs, music events, etc.  so she was open to the idea....until the 2nd day when she hated it and didn't want to go.   So every day, I would sit with my gut churning in the morning knowing I would have to get her to agree to go for another day.  What I decided to do?  I stopped telling her where we were headed in the car-I would plan a quick errand on the way and then immediately drive to the day care.  She wasn't happy but ultimately would get out of the car with my promise this was the last time.  And there were many days I showed up at end and she was sitting there with coat on and would exclaim "thank God you're here.  Get me out of here."   In talking with the aids-she was enjoying herself and engaged in activities until after lunch and then she would get restless.  Originally she was going 3 half days per week.   Now, after many months, she enjoys herself and I have upped it to 5 days per week.  There are still days I arrive and she is desperate to leave but most days she looks forward to going now.  It's all about dodging and weaving and selective hearing. (I just pretend I don't hear things she says and then I don't have to respond)
 
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