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Should I move my LO's room in nursing home?
Sharon14
Posted: Wednesday, May 1, 2019 8:48 PM
Joined: 3/20/2019
Posts: 2


My mother who has VD has been in a nursing home for 2 weeks now.  For the first week she was in a 4 person room because the room that she was supposed to go in had a patient in there for respite care.  When the week was over and it was time for her to move she didn't want to.  I wanted her to be able to make a decision for herself.  She doesn't mind the 4 person room.  The other 3 people in the room don't talk to anyone.  One lady does yell out most of the night and mostly swears.  It really doesn't bother my mother.  She says she likes the activity in the room.  All of us in the family want her to move to the 2 person room.  We can make it a little bit hers and organize the few things she can have there.  Right now all her stuff is in bags.  She does love her bags.  In the 4 person room there is just not a lot of space to organize her things in.  She says it will be too quiet in the new room.  She is out of her room most of the day.  She is just so confused about stuff.  I want her to be with someone that can communicate with her but I don't want her to get depressed because there is not a lot of action in the room.  I'm just not sure if I'm making the right decision to move her or should I let her make the decision even though she can't comprehend some things?

 

Thank you


King Boo
Posted: Wednesday, May 1, 2019 8:58 PM
Joined: 1/9/2012
Posts: 3027


Well, this one takes a little evaluation.

Who would her new roomate be?

It's not really letting Mom make a care decision - but it IS about evaluating how the change would affect her.

You could just have her go to the new room for a  night or two and make sure she is doing OK (wouldn't converse about it ahead of time, just try it).  If she asks "they're cleaning it tonight". She may just say "OK".  

If she squawks, go back to the old room (for now).  Don't ASK her how it went - ask the staff.  They'll be on the lookout if you ask them.  

But at a certain point, my LO gave a "no" to virtually everything proposed - but did fine when we did what we needed to.

A 2 person room is certainly easier for you to visit in - a little more privacy.  But, that is not worth it if Mom does not adjust well.


terei
Posted: Wednesday, May 1, 2019 9:00 PM
Joined: 5/16/2017
Posts: 400


If she is not objecting to the room + she is safe there, why not just let her stay there?

Try not to project your feelings about how you would perceive the arrangement.


Sharon14
Posted: Wednesday, May 1, 2019 9:15 PM
Joined: 3/20/2019
Posts: 2


The issue is if she moves and she doesn't like it she can't go back to the 4 person room.  On one hand I want her to stay where she is happy but the other hand is I'm looking out for the future.  If she stays in a room where people don't interact could that affect her in the long run?  The women in the other room is very high functioning and is hardly in the room.  I'm told she just sleeps in there.  This is a locked unit of the nursing home but my mom is allowed in all parts of the home by herself.  If the room was available when she went in I wouldn't have this issue.  I don't want her to move than get depressed there is not a lot of nurses or CNA'S in there taking care of her roommates.  She is a very social person.  The 2 person room we can organize her belongings and make it her own there.
Carolyn613
Posted: Wednesday, May 1, 2019 10:05 PM
Joined: 7/15/2016
Posts: 1062


terei wrote:

If she is not objecting to the room + she is safe there, why not just let her stay there?

Try not to project your feelings about how you would perceive the arrangement.

Many years ago I urged my husband to move his mother, who had VD, from a larger ALF, run by a big corporation (they got out of that business, thank G*d), to a small group home. We picked one and committed to moving her, but as we left (before actually moving her yet), my husband said, "My mother is going to have a heart attack and die here." The reason is that it was still early evening and it was dark. The light level was low in the home, and the temperature was high. I told my husband we were picking a place for his mother, not for him. The atmosphere was appropriate for the residents. His mother spent the last 12-1/2 years of her life there, and never complained.

MN Chickadee
Posted: Thursday, May 2, 2019 7:54 AM
Joined: 9/7/2014
Posts: 812


Unfortunately there can be a lot of turnover in a facility, so who knows when someone in the 4 person room could be someone with difficult behaviors or screams a lot or something. I would worry that at some point you would come to regret leaving her there. My mom also won't agree to anything no matter how important it is, we just do things and fiblet our way through it. Her ability to see long term consequences or make decisions is gone. Our facility has lost 4 residents this winter and one guy has gone through 2 roommates in a short time. New roommates are difficult roommates, since the adjustment process can be hard and take time. It seems like having three roommates could turn into a circus and personally I would avoid it if possible.  Would you have your own space if she were dying and you had hospice? I would not want to go through that with 3 other residents and their families coming and going.
 
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