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Moved DW into MC today. It's hard
Today I took the hardest step of my life by moving DW into MC. As we drove away from our home of 40 years, it really hit me that she will never see our house/farm again.
Friends helped me yesterday moving stuff and setting up her room.
Today we arrived at MC around noon. Her friend & I walked her into the "cottage" with staff greeting her. They had us walk her to her room, and she looked some what pleased to see things from her past work & home around the room.
We have a friend from our church living there also, so that helps. We had lunch together with our friend and her husband & daughter. That seemed to lower much of any stress levels, as they induced us to their friends and staff in MC. Our friends go there every day to feed her lunch, despite the 40 mile drive. Staff suggested I visit DW as soon and often as I can. Not the leave and come back days/weeks later. I'll be going back tomorrow too. Looks like car pooling is coming up.
I feel/know I made the right choice for her, and maybe me also.
Now sitting here at home alone and not having my DW here, makes me wounder what she maybe feeling. I lost that ability to know what her feelings where some time ago. What a horrible thing this Alz does to us all.
Oh my goodness I feel for you. I'm so sorry you're having this journey. It seems these milestones make us stop and reminisce about what was. That makes the heartbreak hurt even more.
I'm sending you a prayer tonight. And one for your DW too.
Moving my mom was tough but not like what you did. It is so very different when the person with dementia is a spouse compared to a parent. When placing a parent, the kid does not usually sit alone at home the first night and wonder "now what am I going to do?" I really feel for you.
Hopefully you can now move away from the 24/7 caregiver role. There are others to do those responsibilities. You can go back to being kind of a husband (depends on what stage your wife is at) and her advocate. And getting a little bit of your life to the new normal.
Good luck and best wishes, Greg
I'll be moving my LO into memory care soon. It's come up quickly for me after the director of MC and some others outside of the AL facility have told me she would be better off there. I think they're right, but she's fairly high functioning in some ways, so I guess I wasn't expecting it just yet. I think I've been up too close to see the writing on the wall, plus a number of her dementia characteristics dovetail with personality traits I've lived with my whole life, so I'm used to them. To me it just seems like her dysfunction but moreso; others see how dysfunctional she is and see it as a diseased person who needs more help. Both are true! If they only knew what it's been like to have this particular parent all my life! Argh.
Anyway, it's breaking my heart more than I ever expected it would. I feel the onset of a period of true grief that for some reason my practical side wasn't prepared for. I've been so logistical about everything and really haven't had time to get all emotional about her care for years. I've been too behind the curve the whole time, thanks to her doctors years back who did a pitiful job managing her memory concerns (according to him she didn't have any problems, so no referral!).
I dread the move day and wonder how I'll hold it together for her when we arrive, settle in and then I leave (until the next day, and the next day, and the next day ...) At the same time I want to get to the other side of it.
Thank you so much for sharing these very raw emotions. We moved my mom into SNF a year ago after years of my dad doing his best as his caretaker. I couldn't understand why it wasn't more of a relief to him since he was not a natural caretaker/nurturer. I have too slowly realized that slowly losing a spouse is way different than losing a parent. He has actively grieved for her as she slips away from him and I don't think I was as empathetic as I should have been.
Posts like yours really help to put things in perspective for me and through your pain, you have helped me and I am so grateful for that..
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