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In need of Tips and Tricks
PreciousMoments
Posted: Wednesday, May 8, 2019 1:04 AM
Joined: 4/29/2019
Posts: 27


Hey All,

I need any tips and tricks that you can think of really helped you when you started caring for your loved ones. I am having a difficult time trying to balance their independence and their need for more cares. 

When you first started this journey what was something you had wish you had known then that you know now? 

What a care partner shouldn't be as focused on? 

Any tips on how to be successful and finesse-ful?

How to let go of ideals and perfection?

How to effectively redirect?

Anything will help!! Thanks!!

 

 


Dunc1129
Posted: Wednesday, May 8, 2019 7:32 AM
Joined: 12/7/2017
Posts: 43


Any videos from Teepa Snow, just google her or find her videos on You Tube. The book, The 36 Hour Day.
Eric L
Posted: Wednesday, May 8, 2019 10:10 AM
Joined: 12/5/2014
Posts: 1050


I would say one of the more important things you learn as the disease progresses is that there really isn't a balance between care and independence. The focus always needs to be on more care while independence needs to be a secondary concern. Early on, it might be bit a more equal but as time goes, the care needs are far more important independence.

And if you are the primary caregiver, remember that you are in charge of the situation. If you think that it's time to bring in help but you are hesitant because your LO might not like it, you need to make the decision based on needs rather their feelings. Of course, there are always fiblets and workarounds in these situations, but be firmly in charge.
PreciousMoments
Posted: Thursday, May 9, 2019 12:26 AM
Joined: 4/29/2019
Posts: 27


Thank you @Dunc1129I will look into getting the 36 hour Day. I've watched most of the Teepa Snow videos on Youtube. 

Thank you @Eric LI appreciate your response. You are right. 


His Daughter
Posted: Thursday, May 9, 2019 2:03 AM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2277


PreciousMoments, first off I love your name.  And yes, these are precious moments.  

Once I had wrapped my head around that fact that Dad had AD and it was a death sentence, my most important goal was to make the last of his life as good as it could be.  I always looked at him as a man first, and as the victim of AD second.  My goal was to preserve his dignity to the best of my ability.  

Don't focus on being your LO caregiver, focus on being their partner.  Let them know you have their back.  

Your success in caregiving is based on my first answer.  A happy person with AD is much easier to work with.  Make this about enjoying each other, no matter what comes up.  

Ideals of perfection fly out the window on any given day.  Look for each and every "win" (as I used to call them) no matter how small.  

As far as redirecting, well, the books always say to give directions.  That never worked for my dad.  If I said, "It's time to go to the bathroom now." he'd answer, "I don't have to."  Then of course, I'd be busy with clean up an hour later.  So I found that approaching redirection with a smile and several options worked the best, for both he and I.  

And my final tip is this is a marathon not a sprint.  In the beginning I was a basket case.  But organization has always been my speciality, and it helps.  The more organized you can become, the less work this taxing job is.  

Hope this helps,

His Daughter

 


PreciousMoments
Posted: Thursday, May 9, 2019 3:30 PM
Joined: 4/29/2019
Posts: 27


Hi His Daughter,

Thank you so much! This was really what I needed to hear today. I was trying to think of a username.. and I realized that no matter what happens I am so blessed to have this time with my grandparents. This is precious time with them. The others are really missing out. Yes, there are the days are very challenging, but somehow we make it through. I am definitely going to focus on the little "wins". It is very helpful advice! Thank you!! <3


Suziesb
Posted: Friday, May 10, 2019 6:05 AM
Joined: 5/22/2018
Posts: 173


I agree with His Daughter, getting organized also helped me, and has helped the daytime caregiver we have while I work. I have a discreet multishelf unit in the corner of my mother's bedroom that holds supplies. The top has her toiletries, the middle has her depends, baby wipes, and gloves for caregiver. Mom doesn't notice it because it's behind a door.

Speaking of the caregiver, when we transitioned to one, I was concerned that it would bother her, so I told her it was someone to help us while I worked, to clean, but also would make mom meals and could take her places. She accepted her from the first day, and they have become buddies. (Thankfully, because the caregiver gives mom her showers, has to help her go to the bathroom and wipe her after, dress her, etc.) 

This board has been really helpful for tips and tricks. When questions arise, I'm sure you'll pick up a lot of good advice. Take care.


Chippy70
Posted: Saturday, May 11, 2019 6:51 AM
Joined: 5/11/2019
Posts: 1


Hi all new here to the forum. My Mom has AD at the moderate to severe stage. She has recently been involved with a lottery scam. She lost $10,000 at one point. Now the scammers are back but fortunately we were able to intervene before she gave any money away. Of course this led to her being angry, lashing out, etc. I am 8 hours away but have a brother and sister right there in the same town. They are the primary caregivers with my other sisters and I rotating out to give breaks and help. My sister filed a police report but what else can we do?

Chippy70


Rescue mom
Posted: Saturday, May 11, 2019 9:57 AM
Joined: 10/12/2018
Posts: 810


Chippy, hi and welcome. First advice since you are new. You will get many more responses if you start a new thread with your new subject. Otherwise, readers are unlikely to see what your specific question is.

To your issue—which is a common question: at this point, someone else needs to have control of her finances. If she’s so late-stage and already been scammed already, she should NOT be able to get at much (if any) money at all. You can set up auto pays for many bills. If she insists on having a credit card, give her an old/expired/fake one. They usually don’t realize it.

Or let her keep an old not-good checkbook. But from what you’re saying, no way should she be controlling significant money. Someone else must handle that now.

The money lost is basically....lost. Gone. Cops virtually never get it back, nor find who did it. We caregivers have to watch continually for scammers.

Our LOs get angry over many things that are for their own protection, kind of like toddlers do. But our LOs brains and emotions are damaged.  Dealing with that is a part of caregiving (sigh)


Rescue mom
Posted: Saturday, May 11, 2019 10:07 AM
Joined: 10/12/2018
Posts: 810


Also, be aware that these scammers usually strongly pursue anyone who has already been scammed. The first scammer may come back for more, or that scammer sells your LOs name as a good mark. The cops can do very little, but you have to be super-careful now because they will come after her even more.
Ernie123
Posted: Saturday, May 11, 2019 10:49 AM
Joined: 5/5/2019
Posts: 17


I would suggest you keep a journal and record a line or two each day noting symptoms and any changes, medications etc. I have been doing this for four years and it has proven very useful when meeting doctors. It also reveals gradual changes over a long period of time that help document the rate of progress.
basilia
Posted: Thursday, May 23, 2019 4:07 PM
Joined: 5/23/2019
Posts: 99


Greetings my dear

My name is Basilia Jackson a lady from U.S, i saw your profile and become interested in knowing you please contact

 me in my email address as a friend

     basiliajackson028@gmail.com


 
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