Help keep your loved ones safe with the Home Safety Checklist.
RSS Feed Print
Broken system
Abuela
Posted: Sunday, June 9, 2019 2:20 PM
Joined: 6/24/2012
Posts: 291


So after two months of waiting for a geri psych bed to open up I was told that mom needs to go to the PC doc first and then get referred.  this took place on Friday and he asked me how I wanted to go about it...???  So we chose ER but I drove her there.  Waiting room was packed and after 25 mins she was not having it.  She refused to stay.  So I took her back to her residence.  Doctor said if she refused we would do it by ambulance.  So that is hopefully happening tomorrow.  

As soon as I know that she is in the hospital I can get her moved to memory care unit which she needs and will hopefully benefit from.  This stuff is so hard.  All the way to the hospital I was thinking that she does not understand what I am doing to her and she trusts me.  I kept saying that the doctor wanted her to have an evaluation at the hospital.  It was working, but of course she wasn't knowing that I was going to leave her there for a couple of weeks.   

I am afraid that this false start will make the ambulance way of doing it harder.  Well, we can only keep trying, right?  It's just so hard to have your loved ones future in your hands and they can't be a part of the decisions.   I just feel awful most of the time.  

Thanks for listening.   Any advice would be helpful.  


SelEtPoivre
Posted: Sunday, June 9, 2019 2:42 PM
Joined: 3/8/2018
Posts: 703


When mom fell again back in September it was my cue to move her to MC (there were other issues besides the fall). I knew she wasn’t going easy.

I called EMS, she gave me and EMS a hard time about going to the ER “I’m fine!”. EMS eventually talked her into it, because she got herself so worked up her blood pressure was high

She was NOT happy in the ER, kept telling and the care team she’s fine. Was very annoyed with me for calling EMS

When they told me she was being admitted (our doc had called ahead), I told her it was for one night “for obsrvation because you hit your head and have a concussion” (untrue). She got really pissed with me, this was all my fault, blah blah anger guilt

After a half hour, nothing I could say would soothe her. Only taking her home would calm her down, and I wasn’t going to do that. I had one chance now at placing her, and I needed to stay the course. I left the hospital right before they moved her to the inpatient unit, didn’t want to be around for that.

When I saw her the next morning, they had gotten her on meds the previous night, and she was much calmer. Four days later she was transferred to NH MC.

Try to stay focussed on the goal of geripsych and placement, and not be led off that path by your or your mom’s emotions.

Hugs to you


i2i
Posted: Sunday, June 9, 2019 4:41 PM
Joined: 8/12/2017
Posts: 159


Abuela, there is so much wrong with the system, and this is so hard for you.  They really should be giving you more support and guidance around this.  When it came time for my father to go to geri psych, what worked for us was:

- ER was called by facility ahead of arrival that there was a PWD who needed a quiet room (and this hospital had said quiet room) while waiting to be evaluated.                                      
- My father was told he had a bad UTI (plausible but untrue) that needed to be treated at the hospital.                                                                                                                                           
- His PCP (or was it AL nurse prac) wrote him for a sedative right before transfer to the ER (trazodone 25 milligrams), so he basically nodded off through the EKG, labs, admission procedure.   
Now mind you, he was furious beyond description when he came to on the geri psych ward.  But it was done, he was safe, and the next phase of his care could begin.       
I feel your awful.  No, they truly can't be part of the decision, and it is an incredible weight that falls on us.  Is there another option besides you or ambulance?  Would facility drive her there?  
More hugs to you.                                                                           

Daisylost
Posted: Sunday, June 9, 2019 11:51 PM
Joined: 5/12/2018
Posts: 54


Abuela wrote:

So after two months of waiting for a geri psych bed to open up I was told that mom needs to go to the PC doc first and then get referred.  this took place on Friday and he asked me how I wanted to go about it...???  So we chose ER but I drove her there.  Waiting room was packed and after 25 mins she was not having it.  She refused to stay.  So I took her back to her residence.  Doctor said if she refused we would do it by ambulance.  So that is hopefully happening tomorrow.  

As soon as I know that she is in the hospital I can get her moved to memory care unit which she needs and will hopefully benefit from.  This stuff is so hard.  All the way to the hospital I was thinking that she does not understand what I am doing to her and she trusts me.  I kept saying that the doctor wanted her to have an evaluation at the hospital.  It was working, but of course she wasn't knowing that I was going to leave her there for a couple of weeks.   

I am afraid that this false start will make the ambulance way of doing it harder.  Well, we can only keep trying, right?  It's just so hard to have your loved ones future in your hands and they can't be a part of the decisions.   I just feel awful most of the time.  

Thanks for listening.   Any advice would be helpful.  



Daisylost
Posted: Sunday, June 9, 2019 11:56 PM
Joined: 5/12/2018
Posts: 54


sorry, I clearly Cannot navigate in here..  

.... "All the way to the hospital I was thinking that she does not understand what I am doing and she trusts me." 

This is a heartwrenching comment.  I have not come to this phase and I hope and pray for those who have come to or near or past it.  

It hurts to read it despite how hard everything has been.

Blessings to all caregivers 

xxD

 


Abuela
Posted: Monday, June 10, 2019 5:22 AM
Joined: 6/24/2012
Posts: 291


Thanks to all for your support.  I hope I did not miss my moment.  I did put on my 'big girl pants' that day, but when push comes to shove with my mother, I won't sit in an ER waiting room and fight with her.  And to be honest, it could have been a few hours waiting there.  At least with EMS she will get past the waiting room.  

Today I have a commitment to my grandchildren so this gets dicey.  Will I have to sign her in?  And there are distances to cover here between where she lives and where the geri psych unit is. The kids can come with me and wait while I sign her in, but hey... 

In life, when I find myself in ridiculous circumstances such as this one I ask... why am I here in this moment?  What am I supposed to learn from this?  

And then there is what we all seem to feel... no matter what I do it won't be enough.    Thanks for listening.  


Abuela
Posted: Monday, June 10, 2019 7:09 PM
Joined: 6/24/2012
Posts: 291


She's in ER observation overnight.
JJAz
Posted: Tuesday, June 11, 2019 12:26 PM
Joined: 10/21/2016
Posts: 2303


So glad for you.  Keep us updated.
Abuela
Posted: Tuesday, June 11, 2019 4:17 PM
Joined: 6/24/2012
Posts: 291


So, they made the psych referral and now they are waiting for an open bed.  Yesterday there were many open beds.  Today??? Not so much.  She is still in the ER.  They had to sedate her last night and put her in a secure room in the ER.  She is still in that room.  I can't go to see her because that would blow the lid off all of this.  She keeps asking them when I am coming to get her.  So far they are re directing her.  This whole thing is so awful.   So three things to be thankful for.  

1.  She got into the ambulance

2. She is healthy and medically cleared to go

3. The referral is in the works..  

Now we just need a bed.   Could use some prayers on this one.  

Thanks for listening,  


MinutebyMinute
Posted: Tuesday, June 11, 2019 8:18 PM
Joined: 6/11/2019
Posts: 17


Been down this road earlier this year. My mother, after arguing with me most of the day (I hadn't been adequately prepared several months ago), waited for me to fall asleep and left the house on one of the coldest nights of the year. I awoke to a cop beating on the door.

She went to the next block, beat on doors and said she'd been kidnapped. (I guess because I had so vehemently refused to let her leave the house.) She wouldn't walk back with me, wouldn't go to the hospital by ambulance and even told the police I was not her daughter. Luckily, neighbors and my ID cleared that up fast enough.) for several weeks before that, I had left her alone only to go to work. That night started off the odyssey we're currently on. A few admissions to geriatric psych ward in as many months. I'd have her home from as few as 3 to as many as 11 days between readmissions. Everyone was pushing me to "place" her.

I do have a medical POA (not financial ... sigh) so was able to temporarily transfer to memory care -- on an extended respite care. They took her by ambulance so was never part of the process. I needed her there so I could get us moved to the house I bought last year but that kept getting put on hold as she further declined. Brought her home at beginning of May.

Whoa ... super turbulence. Trying to do a mix of in-home/daycare. She hates all of it. And the house. And me. Luckily, I've gotten a few good moments in between. Hard but worth it.

Hugs to you. No one knows like someone who's been there.

 

 

 

 

 

 


 
× Close Menu