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Breaking point development
Posted: Wednesday, June 12, 2019 9:02 AM
Joined: 2/13/2018
Posts: 10

I'm feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. My dad is a 97 y/o WWII vet, mom 93 with Stage 6 ALZ. Up to this point Dad has remained pretty sharp. My 70 y/o brother and I are their primary care givers. 

I'm not sure if Dad's scope to remove 12 gallstones from his bile duct in late March is the catalyst, but he is now showing signs of dementia. He wakes me up in the middle of the night claiming to hear or see things. Ex. This AM he stated he knows my boyfriend banged on his window last night. I don't have a boyfriend.

We are in the process of filling out the papereork for Dad's VA aide & attendance and I told my brother we have to get Dad tested right away & see if they can expedite that (it can take up to 9 months for approval.) Mom is urine/bowel incontinent and combative. If Dad begins a decline I feel like without help we are both going to start to decline too. Just taking care of mom has taken a toll on dad, my brother and myself

Feeling very overwhelmed and sad today. 

Posted: Wednesday, June 12, 2019 9:43 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18481

With good reason.

Members here with VA experience will help you with that route. I have none.

Getting you father  started with a diagnosis is the right thing to do.  If they find that if he has one of the conditions that mimic AZ he can be treated for that right away.

From a practical standpoint it would be good if you could go over their legal documents i.e. Will, Living Will, Health directive, DNA and DPOA. Also good to know all Drs and bank accounts.. There are ways to do this without seeming invasive

this will help with the diagnosis process

and the site will be of great use to you.

What kind of medical assistance is you mother getting? You might consider having Hospice evaluate her. They could help in so many ways and no, the going to die within 6 months is not the requirement that it once was. You can also ask her Dr for some home health.


Posted: Wednesday, June 12, 2019 3:39 PM
Joined: 7/12/2017
Posts: 1596

Your dad is 97, at this point you need to be prepared for the dying process, and how to deal with mom with telling her, etc.  you all need to have a plan in place.
Posted: Wednesday, June 12, 2019 6:35 PM
Joined: 2/13/2018
Posts: 10

Dear Jfkoc,

 The good news is we have all the legal paperwork and Hospice in motion. Per our Hospice team's meeting today we are taking mom off Aracept and onto Seroquel. Hopefully, this will take the edge off her verbal combative moments. Dad may be at the beginning of a UTI and we are working on getting an appointment with the VA to have him checked out. They aren't exactly a scion of healthcare, but hopefully we can get that set up for next week. I'd rather that than the beginnings of dementia. 

The bad news is that I'm slowly being worn out by all this stress. The social worker is going to be paying me a visit to discuss options. Hopefully there is one for low income people who need respite care with bowel incontinence.

Prayers and your kind concern are so greatly appreciated.


Posted: Wednesday, June 12, 2019 7:14 PM
Joined: 2/13/2018
Posts: 10

Dear Gubblebumm,

Thank you for the concern. 
Though dad is 97 his grandmother lived to be 105 and he is by no means giving up.

I don't know if anyone is ever emotionally prepared for the passing of their LO's, but with the help of friends and Hospice I believe will be able to weather that storm when it arrives (sooner or later.) 

As for the legal aspects of that day we are as ready as can be under the circumstances. I'm sure the Hospice social worker will have some good advice as to how to tell mom and she'll just forget and we'll have to keep telling her (if she outlives dad.) I'm exhausted and at the point were we are doing everything we can, preparing for the worst, hoping for the best and rowing the boat.

P.S. your avitar is awesome.

Prayers and all my best to you and yours 

Posted: Thursday, June 13, 2019 10:57 AM
Joined: 6/11/2019
Posts: 517

I feel for you Can't imagine going through this with 2 parents! I have no useful advice but will pray for you.

 It's a tough row to hoe. Hang in there!

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