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wow, so mom sprayed granddaughter in the face....
Posted: Wednesday, June 12, 2019 10:47 AM
Joined: 7/12/2017
Posts: 1596

Went to my mom's inlaw unit with the 3 1/2 granddaughter, mom was still in bed, but awake, was telling her we were going out in about an hour, toddler, pats my mom in the leg, my mom frowns, takes a spray bottle of organic odor and stain remover and spray my granddautgher in the face, she was about two feet away!  I was standing right there!  These two have been poking each other, but been harmless, until just in the last week my mom has been more aggressive and "harder".  my mom's reaction to me saying stop it, she did it AGAIN, I grabbed the small bottle, and my mom says its just water and then drank

Anyway, . so granddaughter can't be in room with my mom anymore at ALL ( I was always with them).  Told the GD to not touch her great grandma any more,in any way,  ever, because she doesn't like it.  Now I have to explain to my daughter, sigh...

I had noticed in last week there was a change sadly my mom may not be able to go with my GD and me anymore...will see how the next few times go...

Update: Mom says she filled the spray bottle with water to spray my GD "cause she hits her" GD taps her for attention and my mom escalates it so GD nope mom aint going with me and GD again...can't risk sad, but GD comes first...I did tell granddaughter not to poke or tap her great Grandma, and she listens, but its like a game for her to play with her GGmother, but my mom's reaction!! Told her, She isn't an animal or puppy!! 

Eric L
Posted: Wednesday, June 12, 2019 11:09 AM
Joined: 12/5/2014
Posts: 1288

That's such a bummer, Gubble. My daughter (now 6) was always close with her grandma (my MIL). MIL took care of her when she was a baby before MIL was diagnosed and they spent oodles of time together before daughter started pre-school. Daughter's pre-school M-TH, so her and grandma would play all Friday morning while I did yardwork and other chores around the house.

Even as the agitation increased and she would get mean and snappy with us, she was still very kind and patient with daughter and then all of a sudden, she started snapping at her. Daughter was probably 4 or 5 at the time and after that, she started being a bit more cautious around grandma. MIL also declined around that time and fell more and more into her own world. The "play dates" stopped.

Posted: Wednesday, June 12, 2019 11:14 AM
Joined: 7/12/2017
Posts: 1596

It really is a bummer, I was able to take my mom with me whenever I took granddaughter out for activities, but now I don't think I can.  My daughter will be horrified, and I just can't trust my mom anymore.  What if it wasn't water!  Or she smacked her yup sadly the group outings are over.
MN Chickadee
Posted: Wednesday, June 12, 2019 3:04 PM
Joined: 9/7/2014
Posts: 1031

Yeah, I remember when we got to that point. It became too difficult to have my then 4 year old and mom at the same time. My mom, despite being an elementary teacher for her entire life, forgot how to deal with kids and would get kind of nasty. Always picking on her, yelling at her for normal kid behavior. It was too overwhelming for mom and I couldn't put my daughter in that position. I'm sorry you are at that point.
Posted: Wednesday, June 12, 2019 4:13 PM
Joined: 7/12/2017
Posts: 1596

Spoke to my daughter, she, too, had seen a couple of incidents, like a wrist grab that was to tight from my mom, so there has been some significant slippage lately and we are on the same page.  No more them together.  My mom is on a "time out" for awhile.  Makes it hard, she went with me everywhere I took the granddaughter I babysit three times a week, so now she can't come with us, I just can't trust she won't hurt or scare the GD.
Greg G
Posted: Sunday, June 16, 2019 6:36 PM
Joined: 2/8/2017
Posts: 986

Hey gubblebumm,

So sorry that mom has progressed to this point.  You had a nice plan going for quite a while I think of having the two of them together when you went out.  Now life just got a little tougher to deal with.  

Good luck and best wishes, Greg

Posted: Monday, June 17, 2019 8:52 AM
Joined: 2/22/2017
Posts: 78

This is so sad to read but I completely understand. My DH, young onset FTD, is not allowed to care for our grandkids alone. He can't be trusted to make wise decisions for the safety of the babies/kids and I am on hyper alert when kids are around. My "ah ha" moment came when he couldn't figure out 8 month old baby's stroller strap, and he kept insisting she didn't need to be strapped in and she had never needed to be strapped in. Searching his upset and confused face as he told me that, his eyes went to "that" place and I knew in that moment that every tiny piece of safe care for our grands was up to me.
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