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I Need help
Ivy22
Posted: Wednesday, July 10, 2019 9:50 AM
Joined: 7/10/2019
Posts: 2


Hi, around 9 years my grandmother was diagnosed with AD, back in 2013 my 4 years old daughter and I were living with her and with my dad back in Puerto Rico. When I was there I was helping them with all I could I was unemployed but I took them to their appointments and help around how I could. Shortly after I started living with them she was diagnosed with breast cancer i was with her in all the process; surgery, radiotherapy etc. thankfully everything was ok after all that, in the meanwhile my Dad that have severe scoliosis and other conditions was getting a shoulder replacement so I was also taking care of him. After 2 years when everything was kinda settle she was cancer free and my dad was a little better, but I was still an unemployed divorce mother with nothing at that point I make the decision with my actual partner that we were moving to the state of Florida for the past 4 years we have worked hard and progress here as a family but I have been always feel the guilt of living them behind in P.R. In the past few months everything just been getting worse back there my grandma is not walking anymore and sometimes she doesn’t want to eat my dad conditions have just got even worse he physically can’t take care of her. Me and my sisters have been paying to my mother in law to go and help him out with grandma and the house but know she’s not going to be able to keep doing it and things are once again out of control. We can’t go back to P.R. without a job, a house, or a car I won’t be any help for them and it just won’t be the best thing for my daughter that have been diagnosed with ADHD and Specific learning disorder taking her back it will be just throwing away the progress that she is finally making. I feel so guilty and even more when I see and it just sounds like a bunch of excuses I truly want to help them and I miss them so much and that’s why my husband and I decide to get a home with the space enough to bring them with us. Here is where I need the help I don’t know where to go or get information what do I need to bring her here with me she doesn’t have anymore an ID how do I get an ID for a person that have AD and is on bed I feel lost and stressed I don’t know what I have to do I just want to jump into a plane and go to them but I can’t leave my job we need the income my husband says that he’ll support any decision that I’ll make but I know economically is just impossible for me to leave my job I haven’t been a year at this new job so I don’t have any vacation or sick days to take. I’m sorry for making my story so long. If anyone have been a similar situation or have any advice please I’ll really appreciate it, thank you.
harshedbuzz
Posted: Wednesday, July 10, 2019 10:16 AM
Joined: 3/6/2017
Posts: 1636


I am sorry you are up against distance in caregiving. That's a special challenge. Pulled in as many directions as you are, your DD's future needs to be your main focus. IEP services now can lead to competitive employment and independence as an adult. 

If you want to bring her/them here, I would run that past a CELA in Florida to ask about feasibility. If she has no assets or is likely to outlive what she has saved, Florida may be a bad choice in terms of qualifying for Medicaid and getting an actual bed in a SNF or funded help in the home. 

She may be past moving outside of ambulance transport. Is she getting hospice services where she is? That might be your next step. Are your sisters in PR?

HB
Victoria2020
Posted: Wednesday, July 10, 2019 10:45 AM
Joined: 9/21/2017
Posts: 830


Ivy22

You have a warm caring heart but you can't be everything to everyone all the time.

Your daughter needs you number one. Period.

Just having more space in a house isn't going to create care giving time or provide stamina.

You've given up a lot of your life already. The word "Guilt" should never, ever cross your lips. Or the word "excuses."

Moving someone with dementia can be very upsetting to them, and she'll need 24.7 care  if you got her to Florida.

How can you work, take care of your daughter and be a  24/7 caretaker to 2 adults that are declining?

You can't.

Wages are less in PR than Florida so care for them  should be less there.

I'd talk to your sisters about what more they can chip in to get more care in PR and see what govt assistance programs there maybe.

 

 


Ivy22
Posted: Wednesday, July 10, 2019 1:00 PM
Joined: 7/10/2019
Posts: 2


Hi, thanks for replying. The only income my grandma have is her SS, she was receiving hospice services but they release her because they said that she is stable and haven’t present any regression. Now that you mentioned that about the medicaid that’s a concern that I also have.  I have notice around that here is difficult get approve. Wouldn’t she be able to qualify for her age and diagnosis. It’s scary to think that I can make more harm than good. I have 2 sisters in Pennsylvania and 1 here in FL, there is a 19 year old living with them but sadly she isn’t any help to them. I was just talking to the social worker that they assigned to my grandma from the hospice and even her was telling me that she is no help for them just the contrary and that my DD is doing was humanly possible in his condition. I have tried talk to her but she always snaps at me.
 
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