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Any advice on such a frustrating and what feels like a lonely journey
Posted: Wednesday, October 9, 2019 1:50 PM
Joined: 10/9/2019
Posts: 1

On april 30th my life changed. I am 48yrs of age, my husband and I lived alone and was enjoying life doing things together and living life to the fullest. And that day his 77yr old aunt and uncle went out with us on our side by side and wrecked it. His uncle survived but with broken neck, back, arm , and all ribs, 6days later had a gall bladder attack and sepsis and a heart attack. To our surprise he lived, but with alot of medical issues and needs constant care, he needed a full humorous replacement, in the mean time we figured out his wife had full dementia and was declining, and he is unable to care for her. So they now live with us. In the mean time my mom who is 69 who had a mini stroke july 5th and another one sept 21 and has fallen 8times in two mths and her husband who is being tested for kidney failure now lives with us as well. So we have purchased a 5200square foot house. My husband was really helpful at first but he works day shift and switxhes to night shift and works 12hour shifts and now he just doesn't help anymore and I take care of 4people and also carry a business with in the home when I can work. The strokes have left my mom with a form of dementia as well except she is mean and says very mean and angry things and it is harder doe me to care for her. I am feeling isolated and down most days with caring for people and the house and daily responsibilitiesI have to be up every day by a certain time to get everyone ready for the day for meds and now my mom has to be braced to walk, and be home to do meals and be here to give evening meds. It is alot and noone seems to understand. When I tried a nursing home my uncle and mom was abused and had to removed them, so I feel so lost.
Posted: Wednesday, October 9, 2019 11:07 PM
Joined: 10/9/2019
Posts: 41

That sounds unbelievable awful. Sorry to hear about that.

You have to find some kind of assisted care facility, there is no way you can keep that up alone. This community must be able to assist in finding a good facility where they will be well cared for.  It just isn't realistic for you to be able to keep that up long term, especially as the dementia continues to progress and get worse.

Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2019 1:44 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5012

I agree with the other poster-just because one home was bad, the next may not be. There are good facilities-you may have to go outside your own home town, but they are there. It would be almost impossible to take care of 4 people without substantiate help. If you want to keep them with you-then you will need to get outside help. Use their money to pay for helpers. I have access to CNA's, an RN, plus my wonderful helpmate husband and sitters for my ONE parent. I have been caring for her for over 14 years and it would have been impossible for me to have done it alone. We aren't superwomen. Please change the status quo before you get sick. It will only get harder. Take care.
S Kay
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2019 8:21 PM
Joined: 5/31/2019
Posts: 26

What you do sounds overwhelming to say the least.  So sorry this has all fallen on your shoulders.  I know one LO to care for is a handful.  Hopefully you can arrange for someone to come into your home to help and give you a break.  But if you just need to talk things out, this is a wonderful, caring place.
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