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LGBT Community and Allies
Hello Satchbee and a very warm welcome to you. I am truly and deeply sorry for what is happening and understand your heartbreak.
Satchbee, when dementia hits our Loved Ones, (LOs), we are all on the first rung of the dementia learning ladder and it takes time. You are a very loving and giving spouse and are doing the very best you can; you are on the right track and you will find as you move forward and gain knowledge, you will find much understanding of all the dynamics. We all fly by the seat of our pants in the beginning.
When this diagnosis happens to our LO, we often find much grief; that is part of the process. Guilt also can rear its head, but there is nothing to be guilty about - perhaps a bit of regret - but not guilt. You are learning well and doing very well under the circumstances. You are already a very good advocate for your LO by looking for support and information by coming here.
I echo the advice of lauri in inviting you to Post on the Spousal/Partners Forum. Please do that; you will not regret it. You will be welcomed with open arms. There are already several same sex spouses and partners on that Forum and it is all good. Truly. As it is, this Forum does not get much traffic so to speak; you will get much more input on the Spousal/Partner Forum as it is so much more well attended.
We are all here in support of one another and that now includes you too! Every single person with dementia is different; one person's experience is not the same as the others. Not all have dread symptoms, some lead an easier course for quite a long time.
Here is a link to a good reading,"Understanding the Dementia Experience," by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller, a dementia specialist; it is worth reading from time to time:
Also, the Alzheimer's Assn. has a 24 Hour Helpline at (800) 272-3900. They are available 365 days a year. If you call, ask to be transferred to a Care Consultant. There are no fees for this assistance. Consultants are highly educated Social Workers who specialize in dementia and family dynamics. They are great listeners, great support for us, have much information and can often help us with our problem solving. Just one more tool in the caregivers toolbox.
So glad you have found us and hope to see you on the Spousal/Partner Forum.