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How does this help anyone?
neetzie
Posted: Wednesday, October 30, 2019 8:50 PM
Joined: 9/26/2019
Posts: 17


My latest pet peeve... This has happened to me several times recently. Someone will ask how my mother is doing, I will explain that she is stage 7, can't speak, can't eat only liquids, can't walk, etc. It is a matter of time and unfortunately it could be a week or a year. THEN, some idiot nearby will say or 10 years. How in the hell does that comment help anyone plus it is just dumb? How many healthy 80 year old make it to 90? Are they trying to be mean or what? I just don't get why someone would feel like that is the right thing to say.
RobOT
Posted: Friday, November 1, 2019 10:56 PM
Joined: 3/12/2017
Posts: 46


Neetzie. I know what you mean.  For me it goes along with the comment on how well my dad is doing when they've talked to him for exactly one minute.  These people aren't talking to help anyone, they're just poking into the conversation to sound important--like they know something.  Hugs to you, and those people are lucky they didn't pull that on me today! !#%!
Livesbythebeach
Posted: Saturday, November 2, 2019 6:47 AM
Joined: 4/3/2019
Posts: 257


Neetzie- At best, those kinds of comments show how clueless a person is.  But, it's dumb and rude to say stuff like that. This disease is horrid. One of my friend's mom's just passed away from advanced Alz and her final stage lasted for years and it was so hard on her- she'd be at death's door, then make a stunning rebound.
Jo C.
Posted: Saturday, November 2, 2019 12:33 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10197


Hello neetzie and a warm welcome to you.  I am sorry for the upset at the thoughtless input from others; most people  do not mean to be hurtful but are not at all clued in to dementia information and dynamics and often also are not cognizant of how their words can hurt.

What I learned to do after encountering this was to not give out any details or information.  If asked, I would say; "Nothing has changed; everything is the same."  Then I would abruptly change the subject. If the person persisted for details, I would simply say something along the lines of,  "We are hanging in there doing the best we can;" if a non-family member, occasinally I had to add,  "I prefer not discussing personal details;  but thank you for your concern."

There were problematic family members, I soon learned to not contact them with any information; if they asked, same answer; "Nothing has changed, everything is the same," and change of subject.

The less detailed input in some circumstances seemed to work best.

Good luck,

J.


ruthmendez
Posted: Saturday, November 2, 2019 12:49 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2141


My co-worker told me “...or 20 years...” and he knows I do a lot of caring and have no life.  I said “I don’t think so...” and was a little bothered by it but I know he’s just letting me know what can happen. I feel 5 years, but only God knows....just kiss my life goodbye.
 
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