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Dementia Perspective: Loss and Grief
Posted: Wednesday, October 30, 2019 10:20 PM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 754

I'm grieving 'cause I've lost my mom.

Oh, no, wait, found her! She's right there, peeing on the carpet!

Dementia Perspective: Loss and Grief

Posted: Thursday, October 31, 2019 12:30 AM
Joined: 9/26/2019
Posts: 33

Thank you for the laugh this morning.  Better to laugh then to cry!
Posted: Thursday, October 31, 2019 7:47 AM
Joined: 8/12/2017
Posts: 244

Wonderful treatment of a complex topic, Lickety.
Posted: Thursday, October 31, 2019 10:19 AM
Joined: 6/11/2019
Posts: 517

Entertaining and thought-provoking, as always, Lickety!

I DO understand the grieving part and agree wholeheartedly. I've had several people lose loved ones in recent years, some to terminal illnesses, others more unexpectedly. But the one thing they all had in common was that they had the person they loved right up until the end. That person didn't morph or otherwise disappear entirely before their eyes.

Conversely, I get your turn of phrase, too. The one thing that keeps me going in caring for my mom is that I KNOW she's still in there somewhere because I see her on occasion. The sightings are becoming rarer but they still happen just the same. And you're absolutely right … there's no CELEBRATING the loss of the person she was. All you can do is try to find those small joys in the person she has become. Even if, as you say, she's peeing on the carpet. (Or, in my case, kicking a completely soaked underpant across the bathroom floor, flinging pee EVERYWHERE.)

It's the little things. 

Posted: Thursday, October 31, 2019 1:36 PM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 754

The Other Girl and I were talking about the grief process in dementia last night, Minute, and she was of your mind, she gets it too, but we both realized it was something we experienced early on, not anymore. And I wonder if that's where other family caregivers are when they find comfort in the thinking along the lines of "lost but still alive," that their dementia loved ones are to be grieved. I'm sure I felt something akin to that in the beginning, but now, as The Other Girl put it when she's receiving empathy for the hardship "It is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less."

Or maybe we're just two sisters so deep in denial about loss that we're about to be a psychiatrist wet dream when this is all over!

neetzie! I'm glad it made you laugh. It seems from your posts lately that your journey ain't too smooth right now. You made me happy hearing that our story gave you a chuckle. 

Thank you for reading, i2i. I wade into these issues sometimes thinking it best I stay out of it! It's nice to know I did the complexities some justice.


Posted: Thursday, October 31, 2019 1:38 PM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 754

Oh, and Minute, I'm telling my mom she better dementia-harder. She doesn't kick anything! I'm gonna let her know your mom is totally winning at pee-flinging and see if she can't up her game.
Posted: Thursday, October 31, 2019 2:38 PM
Joined: 9/5/2017
Posts: 579

I really like your perspective!  I haven't grieved because my husband has Alzheimer's.   It's just the way things are these days.
Posted: Thursday, October 31, 2019 2:57 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18481

thank you.....
Posted: Friday, November 1, 2019 3:19 PM
Joined: 10/27/2019
Posts: 32

I guess that article went right over my head.  I totally get the grief over losing the person they were before the dementia, maybe I misunderstood it.  I also get that taking care of someone with dementia can also be a colossal pain in the a**.....just my two cents if that resonates with anyone else.
Posted: Friday, November 1, 2019 10:32 PM
Joined: 3/12/2017
Posts: 97

Thanks Lickety!  My dad was strumming on my last nerve today and I really needed a laugh.  I don't get grieving the living either--my dad's still here, he's just acting out his inner two-year-old/Poopdeck Pappy act.  We just all cope like we do, I guess.  But reading all of this, I feel lucky.  My dad doesn't pee on the floor, just on the tile around the toilet. LOL!
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