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Dementia Perspective: Loss and Grief
I'm grieving 'cause I've lost my mom.
Oh, no, wait, found her! She's right there, peeing on the carpet!
Dementia Perspective: Loss and Griefhttps://www.stumpedtowndementia.com/post/dementia-loss-and-grief
Entertaining and thought-provoking, as always, Lickety!
I DO understand the grieving part and agree wholeheartedly. I've had several people lose loved ones in recent years, some to terminal illnesses, others more unexpectedly. But the one thing they all had in common was that they had the person they loved right up until the end. That person didn't morph or otherwise disappear entirely before their eyes.
Conversely, I get your turn of phrase, too. The one thing that keeps me going in caring for my mom is that I KNOW she's still in there somewhere because I see her on occasion. The sightings are becoming rarer but they still happen just the same. And you're absolutely right … there's no CELEBRATING the loss of the person she was. All you can do is try to find those small joys in the person she has become. Even if, as you say, she's peeing on the carpet. (Or, in my case, kicking a completely soaked underpant across the bathroom floor, flinging pee EVERYWHERE.)
It's the little things.
The Other Girl and I were talking about the grief process in dementia last night, Minute, and she was of your mind, she gets it too, but we both realized it was something we experienced early on, not anymore. And I wonder if that's where other family caregivers are when they find comfort in the thinking along the lines of "lost but still alive," that their dementia loved ones are to be grieved. I'm sure I felt something akin to that in the beginning, but now, as The Other Girl put it when she's receiving empathy for the hardship "It is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less."
Or maybe we're just two sisters so deep in denial about loss that we're about to be a psychiatrist wet dream when this is all over!
neetzie! I'm glad it made you laugh. It seems from your posts lately that your journey ain't too smooth right now. You made me happy hearing that our story gave you a chuckle.
Thank you for reading, i2i. I wade into these issues sometimes thinking it best I stay out of it! It's nice to know I did the complexities some justice.