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MC mom having intimate relations with another resident
Anyone have any experience/advice.... My mother just moved into memory care about 3 weeks ago I was called by the PA and the nursing director that my mom was found having sex with another male resident. They seem to be baffled by this and quite distressed but I have to believe this is a common occurrence despite their saying they've never seen this before. I do understand there are issues with consent being blurred due to dementia and perhaps risk of physical injury, but also this is a normal human drive. She has always been a very touchy feely person and is without companionship for the first time in her life. Anyone else dealt with this? thanks
Well this is a new one, how old is this other resident and I would want to know if this is a common thing he does, because I would imagine it just might be. If he is new, did he have to leave someplace else?
It is odd and confusing, we ask that our LOds, be bathed, changed, etc often without "consent" soooo....
This is a very interesting topic, and I can't wait to see the responses
My mom is in a MC as well and I've gotten a few calls from the staff telling me she and another male resident were in some stage of intimacy. Some just hand holding type of stuff that was fine - but then saying that it progressed to behind closed door, together in the bed or chair etc. I understand their unease with all of it, but it does make me sad too, because it seems to be coming from just a place of wanting to be held/intimate and how much does it stink to have to break that up and not allow it. In her regression my mom most often seems to be stuck in that high school girl world - sometimes in the form of being a 'mean girl' and sometimes super, crazy flirty with any men she sees. It's funny to me because growing up with her (single mom) she hardly dated, no steady men in her life at all and then all of a sudden at 82 - bam! all flirty all the time!
Anyway, the staff is now on high alert with the two of them and has had to break them up a few times. They don't want to let it get too far along.
Just another way in which this disease just sucks.
I don’t know the age of the gentleman, but it is likely my mother is the instigator as she has been found with another man before, while not intercourse, she was .... shall we say giving him a helpful hand. Both gentleman were accepting of the activity and both times when they were ‘caught’ declined to stop.
It does seem like sad to prevent it. i believe they are just genuinely lonely and just looking for human touch, but I also see the issues it poses. It’s not like you can have a conversation with her about it that would do any good, but other than staff oversight, what’s can you do about it.
I don't think this is uncommon. Intimacy is a basic human drive.
If it keeps reoccuring, my opinion is that the facility needs to up their supervision level. The activity is most likely not limited to these patients.
I know it must be hurtful big time to watch your loved one see them
like this but I also believe that you should not take away the little joy they
may have if they both seem into it and its not just one sided.