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How did yesterday go for you all?
Posted: Friday, November 29, 2019 6:59 AM
Joined: 3/14/2018
Posts: 253

My mil was totally with it all day.  We will see how she is today.  I only suggested that I show her where the bathroom was to remind her to go.

So, the family will have to choose to believe me or not about how she really functions day to day.  


Posted: Friday, November 29, 2019 10:22 AM
Joined: 11/22/2019
Posts: 192

I think it went fairly well, thank you!
I spent the late morning and early afternoon at my mother's facility with her.  She is still aware of which holiday it is... and that a holiday is occurring.
Dinner was late (isn't it usually on holidays? : D )

She was more "together" mentally.  Still delusional, but not as rude as usual.

After dinner, the administrator hooked up a karaoke machine and we all sang with people performing.

My mother and I sang a song together.  We both really enjoyed that.

I left as she was still participating.  It helps if I leave when she in involved in an activity.

How did everyone else do with or without their LOs?

Posted: Friday, November 29, 2019 12:42 PM
Joined: 11/13/2018
Posts: 147

Went in yesterday and had Thanksgiving dinner together with my DW at her MC unit. I usually feed her as she can't use her hands to find her mouth, or has the fork/spoon upside down or backwards.

  This was the first time I had a meal with her, but that proved too much for me. Attempting to feed both of us at the same time, had some "problems". I would have her spoon and food in my mouth at times and the same in reverse . Felt like a "three ring circus". I will go back to just feeding her, then I will eat later. 

Still it was a good day to see her smile once and awhile, even if she can't recall who I am. With this Alz, I counted this as a good day, will see how today goes. Day by day, step by step.

Posted: Friday, November 29, 2019 6:15 PM
Joined: 11/29/2019
Posts: 3

My parents live about 600 miles away. My mom was diagnosed with dementia this year, but we know she has not been the same since 2016 when she had a massive heart attack and a quadruple bypass with complications including a bleed out after the removal of a balloon pump. She was in the hospital/for 3+ months and then rehab nursing home before she finally starting coming back mentally. I am not sure that my dad is being completely honest with me about how much she is declining. This summer when she came to visit, she did not recognize me or my house for a few minutes, but then was ok for the rest of the 10 days or so she was here. My dad mentioned an incident where she was setting the table at home and set a place setting for my brother (who passed away in 2010). That was about it for major issues. Otherwise, there is forgetting where she put things, repeating herself, some mixing dreams with reality etc- some of which she has done for years.
     What prompted me to join this forum is that when I called them yesterday to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving, I could tell there was something wrong with my mom. She kept asking my dad to tell me who he was and he kept saying his name. She kept saying my dad wasn't there and she didn't know where he was, but there was this man there saying he was my dad's name. At the same time she was telling me what they made for Thanksgiving dinner and how she couldn't remember how to make our family noodles. My dad was on the phone too saying he was there all day. He made small talk and I told them to call me back this morning which they did not do. I called them and she was better, but firmly believed my dad was gone for part of the day yesterday and there was a man there wearing his clothes. She said it was weird and she was kind of out of it yesterday, but at the same time she was asking my dad to tell me how good their pumpkin pie was. She was sure of this other man and my dad being gone. Anyway, she was pretty much like her "normal" other than the thing about the man in my dad's clothes. I can't get my dad to call me when she is asleep or he is alone. Whenever I call, she answers or if he does, he puts her on the phone too. Not sure what to do, does this come and go? Is my dad covering for her? What do I do? I am so far away. I have a daughter turning 13 next week and am starting a new stressful sales job. I am overwhelmed with stress and worry. I will call again tomorrow to see how things are going... Any thoughts, advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated!



Posted: Friday, November 29, 2019 6:30 PM
Joined: 6/10/2018
Posts: 53


I am quite grateful. Had a wonderful husband has just started his decline.  ie.....repeatedly asks the same question ...has trouble navigating in the car. We were with friends and I keep enjoying each moment because I know things are changing. Today we took a walk together (we just moved and know he was fearful of getting lost)  I am using the slogan... a day at a time. 

I don't have many answers at this point as my journey is just beginning but I do care...

Rescue mom
Posted: Friday, November 29, 2019 7:10 PM
Joined: 10/12/2018
Posts: 1493

Lone daughter...first, a small bit of “technical” advice. You will get much more notice and input for your specific questions if you start a new thread. Otherwise, your post gets kind of lost behind someone else, and people who could help may not see it.

But to your issue, I am....almost speechless. All I can think of is the frog in boiling water, who doesn't realize the temperatures are going up until it’s too late.Your parents situation sounds seriously bad, even relative to what I’ve heard in IRL support groups and here.

From what you relate, your parents need major, personal, one-on-one help, like yesterday. Maybe you have sibs who could go? Or some other relative? Is there a neighbor, or trusted friend, who’s spent time in their home, or with them, recently? 

They sounds sound truly, seriously unable to care for themselves. Have you checked their finances, which are often is disarray—or worst case, lost—when LOs act as described? Can you talk with their doctor(s)? Do you think they are able to prepare their meals, or maintain their house (assuming they have one) safely? You can’t always go by what they tell you.

The Alzheimer’s Association has a 800 number with counseling and advice for people in your situation (and similar situations) It’s free, you can find the number here on the website, just call and ask for a family counselor. Tell them what’s going on, and ask how you can get help to them. 

 If you really cannot go and check up on them, the AA can  help you find help. Their behavior  is nowhere near normal for elders outside a facility or without in-home help. That may well involve you hiring aides to go to their house (probably the fastest help) and/or placing in a facility.

I’m sorry, but I don't think you realize how dire this is. If your mom does not always know your dad, and you can’t reach dad, (among other issues cited) this is major. I know it’s a bad time, there is never a good time. It would be better to deal with now, before even worse things happen that you would never forgive yourself for.  

Dementia does not get better. It only gets worse. Since she has been diagnosed, you need,to start looking for help for them, whether in-home aides or placement.


Posted: Friday, November 29, 2019 11:34 PM
Joined: 8/12/2017
Posts: 1

Haven't been to this forum for a year or so. Thanksgiving went surprisingly well. She handled it better than I thought she would. A two hour long ride there and back, a big meal, and seeing family did her good. She seemed happier when we got home. This morning was a different story, back to trying to get her way with threats of going to bed. It doesn't help that she has headaches and Tylenol does not seem to help.
Posted: Saturday, November 30, 2019 6:16 AM
Joined: 8/10/2016
Posts: 2196

LoneStar glad you found us.  Continue to hang out here and read posts and you will learn a lot.  As a previous post said you will get more answers when you post your questions out by themselves.  To do this just go to caregiver forum.  In the top, middle part of page you will see green rectangle wit add topic, hit that and you will be set.  


Posted: Saturday, November 30, 2019 8:50 AM
Joined: 10/30/2019
Posts: 13

Meh, it was pretty terrible.  My dad (the one with dementia) did OK except for asking a couple of questions over and over.  But my mom did not do well at all.  She suffers from psychosis and it has gotten much worse the past couple of weeks (that's when I moved them from their home into an apartment).  She kept telling us that she could hear the people upstairs and that the husband was beating the wife.  That wasn't the case though.  And if I dared to tell her that I didn't hear anything I would get berated.  She doesn't sleep well in the apartment with the new noises around her which triggers her psychosis - not to mention, I'm pretty sure she's not taking her meds.  But I've put it on my calendar that she is to make an appointment with her Dr. on Monday.

So, needless to say, I kept them both at the apartment rather than getting out to visit anyone.

Jo C.
Posted: Saturday, November 30, 2019 4:27 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10860

Lone Daughter:   I have started a new Thread for you titled in your avatar name; you will find it on the grid.  I have responded  to you with some resources and I am sure you will also hear from others.


Posted: Sunday, December 1, 2019 8:29 PM
Joined: 5/22/2018
Posts: 359

Mom was totally exhausted even though it was a small family gathering at our house. She seems to anticipate any holiday and so woke up extra early. Her routine was off, too, and she couldn't get her naps in. It was a really nice day, otherwise, and she did enjoy it.
But, oh, man she really has been overly tired the rest of the long weekend and I've been as well, since it's made her extra restless. I think by tomorrow when her day caregiver's back she'll be better!

Posted: Monday, December 2, 2019 11:14 AM
Joined: 6/11/2019
Posts: 517

Came home from work Wednesday evening to immediate tension between Mom and her caregiver. Heard all evening long (and part of Thanksgiving) how said caregiver is evil (whore, Satan worshipper, out to harm her).

They'd had a row earlier in the day where my mom wandered into my room and was attempting to remove photos from their frames. Mom took exception when frames were taken from her. Hoping that was all it was since Caregiver 1 is back on duty today and tomorrow!

Mom was in and out during the long weekend. She was a little overwhelmed when I had everything dragged out for decorating. Got into it a little bit but not much. Seemed happier once everything was up and storage bins put away again.

Bowel incontinence is now the new norm. She is still cognizant enough much of the time to realize this is happening and is both aggravated and ashamed. I try not to get flustered when she manages to make the situation worse by putting filthy hands over every bathroom fixture and dragging soiled pants across the floor. I'm at the point I should buy stock in Clorox I use so much of their products as well as Procter & Gamble who make her underpants and the wipes I use for her.

She talked a lot about dying. Said she was pretty much done and just needed to go where "old people go when it's time to give it up." I was able to comfort her a few times but she also spent a fair amount of time blubbering and sobbing, too. It's hard to watch.


Eric L
Posted: Monday, December 2, 2019 11:54 AM
Joined: 12/5/2014
Posts: 1288

It was our first Thanksgiving without MIL. We were invited to my brother's house for Thanksgiving, but I let my wife sort of decide what we were going to do. We had a small Thanksgiving at home with our family (wife, our kids, her brother, and myself). It just felt right this year. I don't think it was a joyful occasion, but the food was good and we got through it.

I think it was especially hard, because last Thanksgiving was really the last time that MIL was even close to being herself. She enjoyed her dinner (fed herself) and pretended to participate in the conversation. I don't think she actually knew anyone, but she seemed to enjoy herself. Things went downhill rather quickly from there. By Christmas, we could barely get her out of bed. Yet, she made it until the end of September this year.
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