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This has been working for a week
Posted: Friday, July 23, 2021 9:21 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 4515

I know I'm not the only one with this problem, so I'll let you know what's working (so far) for me. 
My wife does not want to change her incontinence underwear in the morning, even if they weigh 15 or 20 pounds. It has been hard to get her to change. But after 7 days of success, I thought I'd share.

We have been White Sox fans for many, many years. Although she did not watch any games last year, she has been watching them with me this year. I doubt if she could tell you the names of more than two players on the team, never knows who is batting, who we are playing, or what inning we're in. But she knows she should be rooting for the Sox. 

Like most of us, she is looking for a place to pee when she awakes. She will sit on the potty chair, and I just walk over, and start telling her something about the baseball standings, or something about the last game that she watched, but won't remember. While I am telling her about it, I just reach down to take her underwear off, as if it's something that we always do. For the last 7 days, she has not tried to stop me, or refuse in any way. When baseball is over, I'll talk about the weather or something else. This might not work tomorrow, but it goes in the win column today.

Posted: Friday, July 23, 2021 11:48 AM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 13302

Good for you, Ed.  Keep it up as long as you can. Just getting her interested in something and her mind off what you're doing worked!  Trial and error.
Posted: Friday, July 23, 2021 1:34 PM
Joined: 8/22/2020
Posts: 1496

It would be Red Sox at our house instead of White, but hey, whatever works!!  One of the best trips i took with my son was to Chicago for a Red/White Sox game for his 15th birthday.  Two of is buddies came along and we had a blast.

Guess this plan will at least work through October, huh?  Or maybe if she's not aware of time you can just keep it rollin' through the winter too.  There's always next year.....

Jo C.
Posted: Friday, July 23, 2021 1:44 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 11948

Dear Ed, you are awesome in all your caring; you are an excellent example to all of us and your wife is certainly blessed beyond measure.  Quite a creative person, I must say.  

It makes me smile to picture the two of you as you give her the latest sports report - a new career for our Ed!

Sending bushel baskets full of warmest wishes along with a hug for a very special fellow.


Posted: Friday, July 23, 2021 2:51 PM
Joined: 10/16/2020
Posts: 207

That's great Ed that you have come up with a good diversion, but more importantly what brand of underwear do you get that holds 20 lbs of urine? 
Posted: Saturday, July 24, 2021 6:42 AM
Joined: 9/5/2017
Posts: 866

When my husband doesn't want to change his incontinence briefs (which is most of the time), I use distraction.  I'll tell him about the Red Sox, or ask him questions about the sports he played when he was younger.  He usually responds unintelligibly and cooperates.  This changing of the briefs is one of the most difficult duties for us.
Posted: Saturday, July 24, 2021 8:47 AM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 13302

Ed, I laughed when you said your wife doesn't like to change her depends even if they weigh 15 or 20 pounds!   Reminds me of my caregiving days when I'd take down the trash. The bags were sooo heavy with all those depends in them.  I've often wondered if the trash guy wondered what was in those sacks. 
Posted: Saturday, July 24, 2021 9:08 AM
Joined: 12/21/2018
Posts: 1167

Thank you for sharing this useful tip Ed! You are very creative!

When I think of all the skills that a caregiver develops, I am amazed. Caregivers must be:

  • clever, 
  • patient, 
  • creative, 
  • crafty, 
  • sly, 
  • compassionate, 
  • intuitive, 
  • alert,
  • motivated or caffeinated
  • and the list goes on

Posted: Saturday, July 24, 2021 9:11 AM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 13302

and on and on. You'd think after caregiving we could  handle any and everything.
Posted: Saturday, July 24, 2021 10:41 AM
Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 1800

Ed, I leave tomorrow for my parents house so dad can go visit family. The biggest problem at this point is the war to change depends followed by incontinence in general and falling. This post is a blessing! I will use the "Ed method" for changing depends! I'll have to change the subject to gardening, she has never been interested in any type of sports. 

Ed, I sometimes wonder if your ears ring when I speak your name out loud. I share your journey with my dad on a regular basis. I use YOU to get him to accept advice, try new methods, on and on and on. Ed said this. Ed said that. Ed does it this way because that's how his wife likes it done. Ed uses the extra large pads on their bed, Ed, Ed, Ed!!!! I honestly don't know what I would do without you Ed. You have no idea how many times you have helped me help my dad to take better care of "his wife". Thank you.

Posted: Saturday, July 24, 2021 11:00 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 4515

Wow, abc! Thank you, but what I share mostly comes from what I've learned here. Glad something I've said might work for someone else. I hope the distraction works for you. And I hope your Dad enjoys his break.
Stuck in the middle
Posted: Saturday, July 24, 2021 3:24 PM
Joined: 6/4/2017
Posts: 1367

I'd do that too, but my son's name is Ed and she won't do anything he says.  Maybe call it Simon Says.
Posted: Saturday, July 24, 2021 3:30 PM
Joined: 12/11/2018
Posts: 490

Way to go Ed!  Huge win!  Yes, this is the main battle of wills at our house too. I gave up on baths or showers. That was the other big one and just was not happening. So, we (I) just wipe whatever we can, when we can. I hate to say and can hardly believe it. He handed me a heavy depends earlier today. No idea where it had been hiding (?!) My sense of smell has adapted I fear. I stopped doing the "sniff test" on his pants long ago. Almost passed out a couple of times.

So far, the Depends are catching the leakage, but I don't know what we will do when/if it comes to incontinence #2. I really don't. DH is SUPER resistant to me helping, suggesting, hinting, or trying to divert/distract where his hygiene is concerned. 

The first bath he took in at least 3 months (one of my longer posts! a couple of weeks ago) was a super quick sit-down in 4-5 inches of water which he immediately released the plug and drained. Then would NOT get out or allow me to help him exit the tub for 2+hours after that. Every few minutes I'd try another approach or angle, at one point was in the bone-dry tub with him to help boost him into a sitting position after his 'planking' posture (learned that term here). It was not worth it, though I was happy at the outset because he's been escalating in the pee-filled Depends category, which can't be good to not have some rinsing at least, every few days. 

Anyway, YAY again for you!!! Baseball, apple pie, and...whatever works today

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