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I Found A Reason
Army_Vet60
Posted: Wednesday, August 18, 2021 8:57 AM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 1032


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIXHC7Cys1c

It is possible to survive losing one so loved and finding love is still waiting to be found.

Almost two years to the day Sandy was taken away, I have found a reason to keep living....

Last month I decided to return to the ballroom dance floor where Sandy and I bonded first as dance partners and then as life partners.

The crowd consisted of about 60 people and I felt lost. With about 20 minutes left later and the crowd now about half that size, I saw HER sitting across from me at the next table.

I whispered WOW and a voice told me to ask her to dance. 

I found out she also  lost her relationship two years ago.

We used the last 10 minutes of the night dancing a Cha Cha and a Swing Dance.

The following week, after dancing together for three hours I asked her to be my dance partner and she said YES.

The following week, we had a picnic and danced and became a couple.

This week, we realized that "something" led us to finding each other and we are committed for as long as want to be together.


aod326
Posted: Wednesday, August 18, 2021 10:09 AM
Joined: 5/25/2020
Posts: 360


That's wonderful - how apt it is that you met at a place so important to both you and Sandy!

Having lost my husband a little over 4 months ago, I'm still at the point of not being able to imagine wanting, let alone finding, any other special relationship.  But this week I moved to saying "never say never".

Enjoy your time together!


Army_Vet60
Posted: Wednesday, August 18, 2021 1:20 PM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 1032


aod326 wrote:

But this week I moved to saying "never say never".

Hi,
My Grief Therapist said something that resonated with me.
"Don't look at Sandy as the Love of your Life. Look at her as the first love of your life.
Leave the door open and maybe there will be another love of your life."

 

aod326, you had a love of your life. But you seem to be finding your way - Never say Never.

ladyzetta
Posted: Wednesday, August 18, 2021 5:19 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1544


Dear Army,

I am glad you found happiness and I am sure Sandy would be also. Hugs Zetta 


Army_Vet60
Posted: Thursday, August 19, 2021 8:58 PM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 1032


ladyzetta wrote:

Dear Army,

I am glad you found happiness and I am sure Sandy would be also. Hugs Zetta 

Thank you. I think Sandy approves. She has never completely left my side.

TessC
Posted: Monday, September 6, 2021 3:27 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5208


I haven't been on the forum for a few months so its nice to come on here and hear about your new friend and your happiness. It must be Sandy's work the way it happened in the place she and you enjoyed so much happiness. Best wishes!
Army_Vet60
Posted: Saturday, September 11, 2021 9:49 AM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 1032


TessC wrote:
I haven't been on the forum for a few months so its nice to come on here and hear about your new friend and your happiness. It must be Sandy's work the way it happened in the place she and you enjoyed so much happiness. Best wishes!
 
 

Hi Teresa,

 
 
It's good to hear from you again. I hope things have gotten better for you.
 
 
Sandy has given me little signs through the last two years and every one of them led me one step forward form where I was stuck.
 
 

 

 

I have no doubt Sandy led me back to the dance floor where we bonded in 2008. The lady I met that night had returned there the week after I did. She had also lost a relationship with her dance partner in 2019. Like me, she accepted being alone the remainder of her life.  However, after just two dances, we both felt like we may have found our Dance Partner, and nothing has changed that feeling so far.

jfkoc
Posted: Saturday, September 11, 2021 11:37 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20255


In my mind the dance floor is magical.

My husband asked me what I wanted for my 60th birthday. I told him a waltz.

Mind you, the man did not dance and my request would have included some lessons.

He opted for knee replacement instead!

Would you please dance a waltz for me?


Army_Vet60
Posted: Saturday, September 11, 2021 1:25 PM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 1032


jfkoc wrote:

Would you please dance a waltz for me?

It will be my pleasure to dance that Waltz for you tonight. 

 I'll let you know how it went later.


Army_Vet60
Posted: Sunday, September 12, 2021 8:06 AM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 1032


jfkoc wrote:

In my mind the dance floor is magical.

My husband asked me what I wanted for my 60th birthday. I told him a waltz.

Mind you, the man did not dance and my request would have included some lessons.

He opted for knee replacement instead!

Would you please dance a waltz for me?


Hi, we did a waltz last night that I’m sure you would have enjoyed!


manuzito
Posted: Thursday, October 28, 2021 11:07 PM
Joined: 7/8/2018
Posts: 38


Army_Vet60, I’m so happy for you.  Your Sandy led your way to find your new companion.  

My DH has been gone for only 10 months but I would also like to find someday a companion to  make my life more bearable.

Best to you!

 


Army_Vet60
Posted: Friday, October 29, 2021 12:37 PM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 1032


manuzito wrote:

Army_Vet60, I’m so happy for you.  Your Sandy led your way to find your new companion.  

My DH has been gone for only 10 months but I would also like to find someday a companion to  make my life more bearable.

Best to you!

 

 
 

Hi Manuzito,

 
Thank you for your kindness!
 
There is an update....
 
As we got to know each other, it became apparent the only things we had in common were that we lost our LO at the same time, we love to dance, and we were attracted to each other.

 We had nothing else in common, period, and too many conversations were ending in mutual tension...

After nearly two months, I told her I couldn't see this leading to a long term relationship, and suggested we accept friendship and dancing to preserve that much before things got worse. She understood so we're developing a friendship based on ballroom dancing.

This was a big step forward for me. I was able to meet someone, take the initiative to get to know her, and make the right decision when I realized this was wrong for both of us.

I didn't reject her because she wasn't Sandy, but Sandy taught me what makes a healthy, loving relationship work.  I found out I can't take a step back from that, and the result is I found a new friend instead.

 

 

 

jfkoc
Posted: Friday, October 29, 2021 3:30 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20255


thank you......
Army_Vet60
Posted: Friday, October 29, 2021 4:11 PM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 1032


jfkoc wrote:
thank you......
You're welcome!
The Waltz was to Anne Murray's "Could I Have This Dance?"

KatieKat1
Posted: Saturday, October 30, 2021 11:15 AM
Joined: 4/30/2020
Posts: 65


I am happy for you that you have found a friend to be happy with.  As for myself it has only been a few months that I lost my DH to Alzheimer and it is difficult for me to move on.  My DH died in my arms and it is as if part of me died with him.  We were married over 40 years and I don't know if there could ever be someone else because I would be comparing and that would not be fair to another person.  Of course I am still in the early stages of grieving but each day does not really get better.  If someone else can find happiness after losing a loved one than that is a blessing.  Being the mostly the sole caregiver of my DH for four years with little help from Hospice at the end, will take me a long time to recover mentally and emotionally.

I wish you the very best.

Kate


Army_Vet60
Posted: Saturday, October 30, 2021 12:07 PM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 1032


KatieKat1 wrote:

I am happy for you that you have found a friend to be happy with.  As for myself it has only been a few months that I lost my DH to Alzheimer and it is difficult for me to move on.  My DH died in my arms and it is as if part of me died with him. 

Kate

 

 
 

Hi Kate,

 
Thank you for your kind words.
 
I understand where you're coming from. I was with my wife when she died and I felt half of our world leave with her.  After 2+ years, I have accepted that it is never coming back, but the pain is still there.
 

Have you considered Grief Counseling? My wife's Hospice offered it to me and I stayed with it for about 18 months.  It got me through some really dark times through the first six months after my wife's death.

If you're not in counseling, I hope you'll consider it. It does help to have someone to talk to who can give you constructive feedback.

 

 
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