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Posted: Monday, May 9, 2022 11:19 PM
Joined: 5/9/2022
Posts: 35

    Ha ha...I was just in the chat room thinking that was where I was supposed to be...I am new here. I feel really bad for the people who were in the chat room and got no responses. Everyone that was in the chat room left and I answered everyone's posts. So I talked to four walls in an empty chat room...this is why I am called "Nerdyblond". If any one goes to the chat room. Just assume I will respond to your posts whether you are in there or not...and you are welcome!              My mom has probably had Alzheimer's and vascular dementia for awhile but me and three of my sisters stepped in to care for her last year in January of 2021. Unfortunately...due to COVID vaccinations and political differences, I am the only one physically caring for her and have been as of October of 2021. We have caregivers that come three days a week. My sister in Washington state has POA, and she's the only one actively and continually supporting me. I am watching my mom slowly decline and it is very difficult. I was never close with her and I am not her favorite either. So yeah. BIG MESSY LIFE!!

Posted: Tuesday, May 10, 2022 10:41 AM
Joined: 2/25/2017
Posts: 275

I left a message in the chat rooms. We need to pick a time and day, then post those days and times on the discussion boards. I would like to set up a chat.

I'm on pacific time, so it's 8:40 am here. 


mommyandme (m&m)
Posted: Tuesday, May 10, 2022 2:27 PM
Joined: 2/16/2020
Posts: 533


Welcome! But I’m sorry you’re here. I too wish the chat rooms were more active. Oh well.  This forum is a fabulous place to feel supported. We all know what’s going on, relatively, unfortunate but true.

I am caring for my mother also… it’s definitely very difficult. Such a slow slow tedious journey we’re on. Glad you have some help for respite time at least.  I couldn’t survive without the help I have from my brother (long distance) and caregivers that we hire in.  

Hate this for us all.

Posted: Tuesday, May 10, 2022 3:12 PM
Joined: 3/17/2022
Posts: 10

Nerdyblond - 

I will echo Mommyandmy. Welcome & Sorry you are here. 

Also, I am glad you are here to get some virtual support. 

I am ET. Been caring for my biological mother, Rv, since 2021 Nov in the flesh and remotely off and on for the majority of my adult life. My family dynamics are a bit messy. I'm a little blessed in that the majority of the time the 2017 to present version of Rv is kind and simple. The pre-2017 version was problematic a majority of the time. 

The hardest part for me is this version of Rv is often anxious and unable to fully grasp a lot of cognitive tasks which wouldn't have caused an eye lash to wave before. 

I have a maternal aunt who offers psychological support. 

My neighbors also provide me intermittent psychological support as many of them are dealing with similar issues albeit with parents or partners ten to twenty years Rv's senior. She is in her late sixties. 

I was the "available" parent/scapegoat from very early childhood. Luckily, I was able to do fairly well in the role and ran into a very good set of mentors and peers through my late teens through present day who constantly provided me with opportunity to grow which I took whenever possible. 

My biological father, Rc, also has some cognitive decline due to stroke (also in 2017 - bizarre coincidence). He is cared for by his younger sisters. 

Rc's mother, my paternal grandmother, passed from complications due to Alzheimer's in 2016. 
Anyway, between all the issues in the immediate and extended family related to stroke, cognitive decline, etc., I find myself every not and again thinking I need to run fast for the nearest mountains while I still can before I suffer the same fate. 

The idea is largely irrational as I do not have most of the precursors. 

Anyway, you are not alone. It gets messy. Being "responsible" or "loving" or whatever is hard. 

I hope we can be of some uplifting quality. 


Posted: Tuesday, May 10, 2022 10:52 PM
Joined: 5/9/2022
Posts: 35

Hi Nicole! Thank you for your response! My name is Lisa. I am available any evening and Sundays randomly, but Sunday mornings are best! So good to meet you!
Posted: Tuesday, May 10, 2022 10:56 PM
Joined: 5/9/2022
Posts: 35

Hi M&M. My name is Lisa. I have my sister in Washington state for support and she is also the POA. We have to make THE tough decision to put mom in a home in a couple of months. She's doing the research and I'm doing the crying. Then we'll switch off later...haha. 

So good to meet you!

Posted: Tuesday, May 10, 2022 11:05 PM
Joined: 5/9/2022
Posts: 35

Hi Stepbystep5473...I'm surprised I remembered that username without looking. Perhaps there is hope for me.

I am sorry all of us are here but I am glad too! My sister in Washington state is the only one helping me. My youngest sister is working on my ornery and combative dad. I have a sister in Florida who would help if she could. Otherwise my three other siblings won't. They be haters.

We are gonna have to put mum in a home soon. I can't do this full time, and my mom is getting worse. She's doing the step by step decline if I read that info correctly. 

I have a friend who has got an absolute crisis going on with her kids and we had planned to take my SUV to Gate's Pass here in Tucson and drive off of it. Velma and Louise it if you will (we say "Velma" because she's the smart one on Scooby Doo...heh heh). But we are willing to run with the mountains with you if you want. Driving off a cliff is kinda messy. .

So happy to meet you!

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