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Spouse or Partner Caregiver Forum
How to get DH to sign DPOA
If you think your spouse could hold it together to pass muster by the lawyer, you might try doing it at a lawyers office. he might trust the lawyer. Many people do that and it works because they are doing theirs too.
It’s not going to work for my step-dad. He’s adamant that he won’t give it to me. I’ve since decided I don’t want it. I no longer want to be legally responsible for him. It’s different for you though as you own property with him, are already legally entwined with him too and you need it to make sure he’s properly cared for.
My experience was a bit different from the above. About three and a half years ago I went to visit my dad in Florida. At the time his new wife wanted to secure DPOA of my Father under the guise of making medical decisions for him. TBH, I was pretty much a deer in the headlights and in denial about his Alzheimers. I trusted her and because I was attempting to get them both moved into assisted living, agreed to go to the lawyer's office to help support them both through this process.
His house was in his name and he had always been very adamant about it staying that way and using it to pay for his care if needed. During the visit, the lawyer was going through the options talking about trusts and power of attorneys and how to manage it AND because it was an unexpectedly sudden marriage how to divvy up the assets when the time came. Spoiler alert, Dad had the lionshare of the assets.
Luckily my dad was still somewhat cogent. At some point in the meeting he got extremely agitated and began citing all of the costs that he had always covered for the house including H O A fees and property tax and upgrades and utilities. It escalated to the point where Dad was quite angry and the wife was getting very aggressive with the fact that he was not complying. At that point the lawyer said that there was a conflict of interest and he could not move forward.
Thank God this happened. Had we gone through with this, he would have lost everything to this woman. Unbeknownst to me and my sibs, she had already gained access to his bank accounts and drained half of his cash.
I immediately went home and engaged with a lawyer who told me that at this stage in my Father's dementia, guardianship was the only option. He was very blunt about it and said that it would be extremely expensive, time-consuming and difficult. All of which were true.
Sadly I learned about this far too late in the process. I wish I had found this community so much earlier in my journey with this awful disease.
Success! He signed smoothly.
Our attorney drafted a DPOA for each of us, so we both signed for each other and as each other's agent. Also helped that his best friend was present to emphasize how important this document is.
My experience was a bit different from the above. About three and a half years ago I went to visit my dad in Florida. At the time his new wife wanted to secure DPOA of my Father under the guise of making medical decisions for him.
AND because it was an unexpectedly sudden marriage how to divvy up the assets when the time came. Spoiler alert, Dad had the lionshare of the assets.
The proper legal term for the lady you call "this woman" is "his wife" he married her and took on legal obligations to her He has no comparable obligations to you. You or he may think his assets are there only for his care but that is not the law.
I have on several occasions used a notarized copy of the original power of attorney the Notary examines the power and the copy and seals an additional notarial page/ certificate that it is an exact copy for an example