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Should I tell them?
We did not tell my FIL when we did the estate sale and sold his home after he moved in with us a few years ago. He asked about things but a lot of it were things he had already gotten rid of years before
It was hard getting rid of things that were nostalgic - my MIL had kept detailed records on each thing handed down and from whom. So, after my husband’s siblings picked through what they wanted, I saved the most special pieces and plan to give it away for weddings and Christmas presents to grandkids. For example, my nephews all got pocket knives belonging to their great grandfathers at Christmas. My niece got a brooch that was my MIL’s. My son and his fiancé will be getting a tea set she likes.
Anyway, it will take a few years to get through it all, but I’m glad we did it that way.
I don't tell them anything I don't have to, unless it is good news that would please them. I had to tell my mother when my brother died, because she was still alert enough to notice his absence. Three or four years later, her sister died and I didn't have to tell her, so I didn't.
I think kindness trumps full disclosure.
My father still has his 2 bedroom apartment while he's been living in nursing care a few months. Because dementia robbed him of organizing things at home, it took me a few weekends to get rid of extra living room furniture, my late mother's absurdly large collection of cookbooks and self help books, and a few other odds and ends. Otherwise, the apartment is still fully furnished. At some point, I'll have to release the apartment back to NYCHA... but not now. I plan to take him home on a Saturday to go through personal things he wants to take back to the facility. I don't want to make him feel I'm dumping his home of 45 years because that's not the case right now but will be. I don't want much from what he has. The clock (pictured) of course cause that's our family legacy. My parents' bedroom furniture is truly a work of art. Over 60 years old, made from real wood and extremely heavy. The drawers are falling apart and such but I don't have room for that in my place. Will definitely donate when the time comes. The 2nd bedroom (my childhood bedroom) has been storage. That's where the real work is. I've been slowly getting it better arranged and less "cluttered". I'm working on donating the VHS tape collection (or selling some of it) and other knickknacks.
The washer, dryer and large refrigerator are in the kitchen. Can't take any of them to my place. Probably will donate the appliances if I'm not able to sell.
Anyway, my dad has an idea of certain things with the apartment but not everything. He doesn't need to sweat the small stuff.
Forgive me for rambling. It's been an ordeal!