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You have made decisions based on the lives of more than one person. You are doing your best given what it on your plate. At the end of the day I hope that you too will accept that that is all you can do.
Thank you Judith. I've never considered the word regret before and it sure feels better to say that than guilt. I know in my heart that I have done everything in the past that I could to keep her safe and at her home and emotionally safe as well. I appreciate your words of wisdom.
Another thing to consider, and you can see it in many many threads here and in the Spouse/partner Forum--our loved ones can be scared in their lifelong homes and their own children or spouses of 50+ years are "strangers" to them now because they remember the child as baby or mentally are back before they met their partner.
Thinking their emotions will be calmed as in resolved and over by an action we take today doesn't work. Or rarely. It's not like a spouse hates the big city where they moved for the other's job so they move back to the 'burbs.
One man drove his wife hundreds of miles to the "home" that she said she wanted .They got there and it meant nothing to her. The mind is chasing memory ghosts.
You have her where she gets the care she needs, where you can still be part of her life and now you can take care of your child and yourself.
DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! You have not let her down. You did all that you could, and she is now receiving better
care than you can provide. I have not yet needed to do what you have done, but when the
time comes, I will not feel guilty about it. I will know that I have done all that I could. So have you.
Also instead of Regret, think of this as Absence.
Your parents were a big part of your current life, and just not being there with you and your daughter (and you're empathizing about her missing you and your daughter) leaves a certain hole in your daily life.
You're going to be short one less set of hands with your daughter, the person that you will be focusing on more in your future, which will add to the difficulty and pain you feel. Your mother may not easily adjust to her situation, which means you have to do the adjusting for the both of you; visit when you can, and you're going to feel bad when you have to leave, but when you're there with her, make the most of it. And then go home and plan tomorrow with y our daughter.