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What now, husband refused to see attorney
Posted: Tuesday, January 24, 2023 4:18 PM
Joined: 12/26/2022
Posts: 29

I'm so disappointed. Husband and I had appointment with elder law attorney today, and I had to cancel. Husband refused to go. Attorneys office said to call back and they will try to do a conference call. I'm just sick of it all.
Posted: Tuesday, January 24, 2023 6:57 PM
Joined: 6/20/2016
Posts: 3518

You may need to make an appointment separately and have a frank discussion about what you need to do if he simply will not cooperate.  Probably guardianship, but see what your attorney says.
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2023 5:54 AM
Joined: 3/6/2017
Posts: 4145


I am sorry this happened to you. Hopefully, you will find a way around this reluctance.

It would never have occurred to me that dad should have been a participant in the initial meeting with the CELA. I went with my mom instead. Dad didn't appreciate (anosognosia) his inability to manage his IADLs. He also didn't have the working memory or higher order thinking skills to follow the discussion. And he was angry about the changes the disease meant in terms of making his own decisions; I worried his aggression would escalate to violence. 

We discussed Medicaid planning and POAs needed. The CELA did mom's POAs on the spot so that I would be able to act for her if needed as it was dad's inability to be her advocate when ill that finally got mom on board for obtaining a diagnosis. A few days later the CELA met with dad in rehab, determined he was competent to sign and finessed the situation in order to get the signatures. If that hadn't worked, we'd have moved on to guardianship.

Posted: Friday, January 27, 2023 9:41 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 7252

I took our daughter with me for the first meeting. I was asked if my wife was competent to sign, and I told him she was. The meeting went well, and I told my wife that we both needed to have our papers updated, which was true. I took her off as my POA, and turned it over to our daughter. She didn't even know that that's what I was signing, and she signed hers without problem. This was early after diagnosis, and she still knew what she was doing.

I would suggest taking someone with you. Two sets of ears is better than one.

Jo C.
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2023 1:44 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 13682

The idea of speaking with the CELA by yourself would be a good idea. I do understand from experience how difficult this can be.

My LO absolutely refused to see an attorney at all due to a free floating fear would be my guess.  The only thing left was to use therapeutic fibs as there were no DPOAs, etc.

So . . . I privately spoke to the attorney and clued him in.  Then I told my LO that I heard on the news that "Estate Planning" was very important and that so and so (neighbors with a high degree of credibility) had theirs done.  AND . . . I had not had my estate planning done for me either. My LO would be my agent for estate planning "papers," and then I could be my LOs.  (Notice no use of the term POA; that word "power" was not a positive.)

I then told my LO that I was going in to have my "Estate Planning" done and the attorney said that he would do a second person's Estate Planning free of charge for one other person as always done in his office.

In to the attorney's office we went.   Documents were done and signed.  The one naming my LO as the person for my POA was shredded and an accurate one done out of sight of my impaired LO.

It was one of the most important things to be done as absolutely necessary considering . . . I did however, have the attorney make a copy of the originals for my LO and he gave me the actual originals so that they would be kept safe.

We do whatever we must and sometimes instead of going through the front door to get things done we climb through a window or go down the chimney instead so to speak.

Hang on and try again; hopefully with a little finessing, it will happen.


Posted: Friday, January 27, 2023 5:15 PM
Joined: 5/14/2020
Posts: 68

Marie, my husband was the same way. I put it off as long as possible

and I finally had a zoom call with the elder law attorney and after we
spoke a while she asked to try and be “ introduced” to my HWD. I walked my

ipad to him and said “Susie wants to say hi” and he was chatty and friendly.She said “estate papers “ needed to

be completed before our scheduled road trip and he agreed. I didn’t mention it again
until the day we went to sign, but I told him we were going out to eat, and then I pretended to get a message and we went by the attorneys office on the way to the restaurant . It took a little while to sign/notarize documents but he never mentioned it again and neither have I. Good luck

with the next attempt . Such a hard journey we are all on.

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