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After power of attorney
Posted: Tuesday, March 14, 2023 8:33 PM
Joined: 3/24/2022
Posts: 18

I just got durable power of attorney for financial and also health surrogate and so on.  What is a good next step for my situation?

She is wetting the bed through her depends up to 3 times per day some days, and is increasingly struggling with the walker to use the bathroom and shower.  Most of the time she wants me to be next to her through it.  She sometimes calls out to me up to once every 2 hours for minor things, but it means I never get a break and cannot really sleep more than 5 hour shifts.

She's on Risperidone.  It has calmed her.  She went from denial of it all to now talking about her death and getting outside help.  I'm discussing nursing homes with her now all of a sudden.

Posted: Tuesday, March 14, 2023 11:17 PM
Joined: 10/6/2017
Posts: 289

Glad you got POA, from your previous post it has been a long hard slog. You mentioned before that you had contacted Medicaid, it would be a good idea to reach back out to them. You need to know if medicaid in your state will pay for memory care or only a nursing home, what level of care a doctor would certify her for, MC or nursing home, and you need to become aware of what facilities are available in your area. If you can private pay for even a few months, you might have more choice. In the meantime, if medicaid can provide even a few hours of care it will give you some time to work on finding placement. I would discuss nursing homes with her as little as possible, you never know when something will set her off.

Hope things work out.

Posted: Thursday, March 16, 2023 4:25 PM
Joined: 6/3/2013
Posts: 1273

An increase in the risperidone dosage may allow her ( and you) to sleep for longer periods. 

Search these boards for threads about the best incontinence products.

Research facilities in your area, but first meet with the lawyer who did the POA about Medicaid planning.

Your mom may even qualify for Hospice and all of its benefits.

Posted: Saturday, March 25, 2023 8:02 PM
Joined: 3/24/2022
Posts: 18

An ALF was recommended by a friend of hers.  We visited and she liked it a lot and wants to go ASAP.

I have a consultation scheduled with the Elder Law attorney this week.

She has an IRA worth $50,000 that the financial person at Wells Fargo in charge of it says that my durable POA is not good enough to convert it or anything; they apparently have their own POA form.

My own instinct is to use that money for the ALF immediately, and then to apply for Medicaid.  But I'll wait to speak to the attorney to be sure.

She's now trying to call 911 every few hours claiming she needs "help" but it's not specific.  She says she's afraid I'm going to let her die.  I am beyond irritated by this.

I scheduled a Home Health Aide finally to start this week.

Found some incontinence bed pads and moved the commode to her bedroom.  Big help so far.

Posted: Saturday, March 25, 2023 10:29 PM
Joined: 9/21/2017
Posts: 1821

Yes, absolutely wait for lawyers input on the IRA. Huge tax, medicaid and inheritance issues - needs expert advise.

Very common for the big institutions to want their own cover forms- so that they don't have to review the  original documents. The lawyer should know how WFB will respond to the documents you have.

Does the ALF provide 24/7 oversight of memory patients? Has the staff evaluated her needs? She seems beyond "assisted" living.

You've done a lot, well done. Can you remove the phone to stop the 911 calls?

Posted: Sunday, March 26, 2023 11:30 AM
Joined: 3/24/2022
Posts: 18

Yes, the ALF evaluated her.  I'm supposed to hear back this week.  They also have a memory care unit there.

First time visit to neurologist this week diagnosed her with dementia based on a first (memory?) test.  She scored just low enough for the dementia diagnosis.  She told them the year was 1985 or 86.  Surprisingly, she did somewhat better than I expected, and I strongly suspect that the Risperidone is helping keep her calm.

MRI scheduled for this week.

I took her smartphone and unplugged the landline finally.  Great idea.  I don't know why, but I had been afraid to do all that even though the police and doctors were all telling me to.

Come June I will have been at the house for two years if that matters.  Utility bill in my name and driver's license show it.

The house is homesteaded as well.


Posted: Sunday, March 26, 2023 7:21 PM
Joined: 5/22/2021
Posts: 104

I think I sent the DPOA and health surrogate forms to financial organizations (bank, credit card companies), and medical (hospital medical records department, medical offices) and especially anyone involved in billing (mortgage, utilities, medical bills)! I started closing credit cards and turning off services she didn't need.

I understand the frustration of someone calling 911 because "her leg hurt real bad" and "she needed a doctor to take care of it". The person who received the chewing out was me even though she called from her facility, and they knew from the address that it was an assisted living facility. (Front office told them they didn't need to come.)

We had enough in saving to get her in the initial first year before I got her LTC policy on board. (I was so appreciative that she invested in getting that policy, as it has paid for her care so far.)

I hear stories from my ALZ group meetings about the Medicaid paperwork. Hope it all goes well for you.

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