Home Safety Checklist

Announcement: ALZConnected will be transitioning to a new platform beginning April 3, 2023!   Click here to learn more.

RSS Feed Print
Posted: Thursday, March 16, 2023 8:45 AM
Joined: 3/11/2018
Posts: 4

My mother is declining mentally.  She is in assisted living.  But, she is incontinent and refuses to wear the adult underwear at night.  Any suggestions on how to get her to wear them?  She is a very stubborn woman, and her stubborness has only increased as her mental decline is progressing.  She is 92  Thank you for any suggestions.
Posted: Thursday, March 16, 2023 4:31 PM
Joined: 6/3/2013
Posts: 1273

Make all underwear disappear. Stock her drawers with only the beautiful incontinence products that look just like fancy panties. Do not tell her that you are doing this.  Do not comment on the new “underwear.”

Good luck. 

Posted: Thursday, March 16, 2023 8:16 PM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 1197

My least effective strategy through my mom's dementia journey was trying to make her do anything! When we hit a brick wall of refusal, it took me a while to stop trying to get her on board and just figure out other solutions that work instead.

With that being said, if she won't wear the pull-ups have you heard of Peel Away Sheets?


I met the guy who came up with these a few weeks ago in a Linked In caregiver chat, and I immediately thought "Genuis!" when I understood the product. It's something we could of used when my mom was still alive. That might be a work-around for the situation?

And these helped us out when Mom was experiencing incontinence but didn't yet need full on pull-ups - pee-proof panties that are pretty! https://www.thinx.com/thinx-for-all-leaks You're mom may be past this transitional phase, but if not check 'em out!

Maureen D
Posted: Monday, March 20, 2023 1:53 AM
Joined: 12/1/2022
Posts: 2

This is a great idea. Sometimes having only one choice will do it. "This is the  underwear in your drawer" " This is what the doctor ordered"


Posted: Monday, March 20, 2023 2:10 AM
Joined: 8/24/2020
Posts: 323

I did what Marta recommends. Made all the cotton underwear in my mom's drawer disappear and replaced it with pink, slightly ruffly Depends. At that point my mom was no longer using the drawers and she could no longer tell the difference between cotton and paper. But sometimes in the bathroom she noticed. If she did ask me about them I'd be very enthusiastic. "It's disposable underwear, mom. Isn't this great? What will they think of next? Best of all you don't have to launder it. I know how much you hate doing the laundry." "Yes, I hate doing the laundry," she'd say thoughtfully. "So now you don't have to do the laundry anymore. Plus, your insurance is paying for the underwear! Isn't that great?" "Yes, it's great." 

There is also a trick the aids in her memory care showed me. If the underwear needs to be changed you can just rip the sides of it to pull it off. Easier that way. 

× Close Menu