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"Life is under reconstruction"
Posted: Thursday, August 23, 2012 11:47 AM
Joined: 4/19/2012
Posts: 414

I just read that in the brochure the funeral guy left yesterday. I was setting up my own final arrangements.


That line "Life is under reconstruction" really hit me as very appropriate for all of us. An invisible sign we all carry, and wish people could see that sign.


As any building being revamped or rebuilt, it takes quite awhile.


Hugs to all, Farawaydaughter

Posted: Thursday, August 23, 2012 12:28 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105

"Life is under reconstruction".  I like that, that's how I feel.  I'm looking at everything in my life right now and figuring I really need to do things differently.  Maybe, it's seeing death and knowing that life goes so quick.  I've spent my entire 50's caring for my parents and now they're gone and it's just me and sibling and that's not going so well.   I don't know what the future holds for my sibling and I, whether we will continue to be a family or if she is in the process of disengaging herself from me.  That thought makes me sad, but it also makes me sad that I have to become someone different in order for sibling to accept me.


I don't seem to be an "as is" person to her.


I have been a fixer for so long and I'm weary of that.  I'm trying to embrace the concept that I can't fix everything and I'm trying to learn to be comfortable with that.


I do see my own mortality a little clearer now, I'm getting older and feeling it and I want a satisfying life, I want to hold my head up and say I am a good person and I'm worth something.


That all seems like a tall order right now, but I'm trying to take small steps and finding some peace and heck, I would just like to sleep all the way through the night, again.  

Posted: Thursday, August 23, 2012 2:39 PM
Joined: 4/19/2012
Posts: 414


You are a good person and you do deserve respect "as is".

I have no respect from my sibs. I am talked down to, especially this last "get together" we had with the parents both passing. I am firmly setting up my own life now, I just can't spend any more time or effort to try and have a relationship with either of them. I have to let them go, for my own sanity.


My family was "polite". I am tired of being polite, tired of biting my tongue, just tired.


I want to surround myself with people who enjoy me "as is". I no longer want to pretend, I hate pretending.


I cut my sister out of my life decades ago for certain reasons. I only allowed her back in my life out of "respect" to the parents. Now they are gone. I no longer have to try and get along.


I can do what I want now. My feelings are now validated by me.


It is a struggle at times. But it is a relief as well.


I too like this phrase .....my life is under reconstruction right now. Still in the "planning" stages, but it will be and I will be different and better.


Waiting for a cure
Posted: Thursday, August 23, 2012 5:38 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295

I don't have siblings, but if someone treated me like a fixer and did not give me respect as I am, I wouldn't bother with them, either.  


When my husband and I first married, for years it was sooo obvious that because I was not a blood relative, I was less to them, while my mom went overboard to make my husband feel like he was true family to her.  I'm sad that siblings are causing so much pain.  


Thank you, faraway daughter, for sharing that phrase, "life under reconstruction."  I feel like my life is that old dilapidated house in the middle of a lot, with a fence around and a big sign that says "NO TRESPASSING" and there should be another sign like "explosive detonation here, stay back for your safety!"   



Posted: Thursday, August 23, 2012 11:04 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 3097

LOL Waiting, I feel the same - my life currently is a rickety old shack with holes in the roof and outdoor plumbing!
Posted: Friday, August 24, 2012 9:36 AM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433

 "explosive detonation here, stay back for your safety!"  LOL


Too funny, Waiting! I know EXACTLY how you feel! There are times when somebody says something and I feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I know I am about to burst into tears any second! 

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