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Looking for adult children of a parent with Alzheimer's
cheazhed
Posted: Thursday, June 25, 2015 3:05 PM
Joined: 11/22/2013
Posts: 2


desperately looking for a friend to talk. Sometimes I'd rather die than do another day taking care of my mom. She's super hateful, hard to deal with, all about herself. I have no one.
Mimi S.
Posted: Thursday, June 25, 2015 4:00 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7027


Hi, this Board has been rather quiet. Try going above to either/both Spousal and Caregiver.

Also check into the chat rooms. Explain that you are new. if there are several in the chat room, ask that someone meet you in a new chat room. They'll tell you how. If the LGBT is an important issue, say that up front.

Good luck.

We do wish this Board were more active than it has been.

sapphovermont
Posted: Sunday, June 28, 2015 2:29 PM
Joined: 6/22/2015
Posts: 3


I am in a 19 year commited relationship with my lesbian partner (age 62) who was diagnosed with dementia 2 years ago. I'm not sure how much help I can offer as an "adult child" as I have been pretty much estranged from my 90 year old mother for the last 19 years due to the lesbian, "homosexual lifestyle" issue. We do talk on the phone once a month, she seems still to have a sharp mind, but knowledge of her aging frailties is none the less very upsetting as I can't do much to help about it. She lives with my brother. Brother has cerebral palsy---so it's a difficult situation.
I certainly would be willing to post about all of the emotions I have gone through with seeing my partner's
dementia and decline. Somedays she is better and is my loving partner. Somedays I have to be in the "parent" , caregiver role as her behavior is that of a child, somedays a cranky, demanding brat at that! Burt
I need to keep my cool and realize this is part of the disease. It's hard. I have been through a lot these past years and have gone through the process of applying for long term medicaid, SS disability income,getting care for her through "choices for care" a program we have in Vermont to aid in the disabled client remaining at home. I have home health aids coming in 5 days a week to help her shower, dress etc., which helps maintain some of her independence. She goes to an interage adult day program once a week and has a "companion" who she goes out and does things with through elder services and care for her and a "respit" worker comes and sits with her on Saturdays when I work in the kitchen as a chef at a long term care facility---a farm (for psychiatric residents) I would be happy to share any experiences that I have had getting power of attorey for both financial and health issues. And have done advance directives, living wills, DNR orders, COLT orders and other legal issues. All of this was made infinately more difficult because we are lesbians and choose not marry because to do so would make both of us disqualified for state and federal assistance. When vermont voted to allow civil unions first, and then same-sex marriage we went to both an attorney that specialized in gay issues but also an elder care attorney. This all was expensive and frustrating and anxiety provoking and I had to fight tooth and nail for everything. Everything did not happen at once. I had to learn to take care of myself as well during this time, both physically and emotionally, and spiritually.
But.I have come out a better person for it !!!! I hope I can be of help to you. Keep in touch on the LGBT discussion board but as someone else suggested, don't be shy about sharing your questions and needs on the "caregivers" forum which is more active and has posts throughout the day, everyday and has a chat room in real time. HOPE THIS HAS BEEN ANY HELP TO YOU!

writervicki
Posted: Wednesday, July 29, 2015 5:14 PM
Joined: 7/26/2015
Posts: 26


I'm so sorry to hear how difficult your Mom is. My mother was a sweetheart but she did have times when she would lash out and become very angry and hurtful. It helped us a lot to ask people - anyone, folks from church, relatives, or just friends of ours - come over to visit. It acts as a kind of buffer and gives you a bit of space and peace. I know how tough it is to care for someone day in, day out. For me I started to feel like my world was getting smaller and smaller and my own place in it less and less important. But hang in there. You're not alone!

HarveyD
Posted: Monday, October 11, 2021 5:11 PM
Joined: 8/19/2020
Posts: 1


Totally feel you. non binary bi here. She hated me since the day she adopted me at 2months. She hated me as I aged and she darn* sure hated my adult lifestyle. Now after leaving NC  at 18 and returned after living in Central America at 46, one year prior to the diagnosis and covid in March 2020…I am trapped next door to her and 86 year old father. I am the only support they have. Golden child brother lives 3 houses away but could care less. So I feel you my friend, deeply. I am repulsed and physically jump away when she touches me. I try daily to put all the trauma aside and do 100 but omg it is hard. This is my first ost so I sent you and I’m it’s not knowing what it actually is, was trying to DM.
 
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