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4 times and out
Posted: Wednesday, July 27, 2016 1:05 AM
Joined: 9/4/2014
Posts: 418

July 29th on my birthday I'm going to try again to spread Gerda's ashes, I have went out there on the ocean  three times and could not, I think I can do it now. 

I'm picking my birthday instead of hers, I wanted her birthday to celebrate her life with me, mine can be a little downer cause she not here, it's been 15 months and I still can't get into life like it was before.

I read the forums but just cannot comment, I hope everyone is getting back into life, I never knew it was this hard for soooo long, 

I don't see my daughter s much and when I do it is not smoth like before,my granddaughter is my biggest support but she lives 450 miles away,it's funny how everyone disappeared this last year.

My heart goes out to you all, I don't know what I would have done without you, thank you  ,Thank you from the bottom of my heart, bless you all.


Posted: Wednesday, July 27, 2016 9:21 AM
Joined: 2/15/2014
Posts: 169

ashes are sitting on my living room table,  gave some to my grandson, for a special place they went to together and I know he would approve.  I could not go with them, too hard.  I have some for his daughter to take to NY his home town,  I took some on a cruise because he loved to cruise,  I could not put them overboard.  I don't know when I can.  He wanted his ashes to be mixed with mine.  I will do it when I can.  I like the idea doing it on your birthday rather than hers.  I will be up North on a cruise for my birthday,  too cold, he hated the cold.  I was glad we choose cremation, I would have hated for him to be in the cold, it would have bothered me.  Getting back to life is hard.  I tell people I was his caregiver the last few years, I was no longer his wife.  He had been in a wheelchair for 15 years.
Sea Field
Posted: Wednesday, July 27, 2016 9:25 AM
Joined: 8/5/2012
Posts: 1872

Joel,  it is so good to hear from you.  I have wondered how you were doing.

I don't think it is unusual for us to not be ready to spread our LOs ashes for some time.  I'm sure there is a wide range.  Some may be ready right away.  Others may take months or years.  And still others may choose to never spread them.  There is no right or wrong.  There is only our own individual choice and experience.

I will be thinking of you on the 29th.  Sending birthday wishes and warm e-hugs as you return your beloved  Gerda's ashes to the earth.


Sea Field
Posted: Friday, July 29, 2016 10:50 AM
Joined: 8/5/2012
Posts: 1872

Joel,      thinking of you today.  Sending birthday wishes your way.  Whether or not you spread Gerda's ashes today, hoping that you are sustained by the fond memories of the love you both shared.

Blessings, Cynthia

Posted: Sunday, July 31, 2016 2:10 AM
Joined: 9/4/2014
Posts: 418


I just did not make it, I also decided to keep some of Gerda's ashes so she will be close, it's just not the right time yet,thank you for the birthday wishes, I'm going to the beach tomorrow to go body surfing. I know she will be with me in sprit.

Thanks again for all the kind words and support.  


Posted: Sunday, July 31, 2016 9:29 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20920

The right time. My, how that varies. I may never be ready to let go.
Posted: Sunday, July 31, 2016 10:23 AM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 14215


 I'm sure it's different for everyone.  I imagine if Charles had been cremated I would never have been able to let go to his cremains  - or all of them anyway.  With burial, it was over and I didn't have to deal with spreading the ashes so, for  me, that was easier.

Everyone has their own timeframe and that's as it should be.  My niece was cremated and Sarah kept her mother's ashes for years, then finally did spread them. 

Joel, hope you enjoy the body surfing today - sounds dangerous to me, but, of course, I can't swim.  

 I think you'll all know when it's time or if it's not. 

Posted: Monday, August 1, 2016 12:52 AM
Joined: 9/4/2014
Posts: 418


I have been swimming in the ocean for 46 years, I hope I can till I die, it's my heaven,my wife loved it as much as I did, sure miss her, for everything, I hope your doing good an settle down a pinch, I miss her like you miss Charles, just a big void in our lives.

 Take care.     Joel

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