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Posted: Monday, June 19, 2017 10:40 AM
Joined: 4/13/2017
Posts: 21

Hi all, my mom has moderate Dementia. She has a caregiver Monday to Friday that comes two hours in the morning and gets her ready for Adult Daycare. She gets home around 4:30 PM and I get home at 5:00 PM from work. I monitor her that 1/2 hour through my phone, because I installed a camera in my home. Even though I take care of my mom after 5 and on Saturday & Sunday it gets very overwhelming for me, since I myself suffer from depression. I was on disability last year 10 months because a severe depression hit me. I finally came out of it, but sometimes I get very overwhelmed with this situation with my mom and I fight everyday to not get sick again. I am writing to see what I can do to make it a bit easier. She gives me a hard time to eat almost everyday. Anything I make is no good, she doesn't like or want. The other thing is what can I do to her or with her when she is home on the weekends. I usually have her watch cartoons. She is at the stage where almost everyday when she gets up her bed is wet. There are days she doesn't sleep; so either do I. I just need to know what I can do to help her and help myself or where I can go to get that guidance.  Thank you in advance.


Posted: Monday, June 19, 2017 2:08 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 4168

I'm sorry you are in this position and I hope you can remain well. Getting rest is important, so if you have to use medication to get your mother to sleep at night-so be it. She should be under the care of a geriatric specialist who can get her on the right medications to help her in both her sleeping and waking hours. I never had to do this, but if my mother was unable to sleep due to agitation-I'd even try edible marijuana products if you live in such a state.

 As for eating-see what she will eat and give her that with some additions that you never tell her about, So if she likes cookies and ice cream-feed her that but put protein powder in the cookies and ice cream. She only likes mac and cheese? Put pureed veggies like corn, green beans in it. There is a great cookbook geared to children who are picky eaters-find it on Amazon.

When my mother was more active I used to give her coloring books to color or magazines to cut out the coupons. Seed catalogs are fun, as well as online clothing catalogs. To get her active, try a walk around the block or even sitting on the porch or deck. I bought a chair swing and mom and I sat on it daily in nice weather for years. Good luck ans take care!


Posted: Monday, June 19, 2017 5:40 PM
Joined: 3/7/2012
Posts: 2076

First off let me welcome you to the message boards 41arden. I'm glad that you've found us. Whenever possible please take some time to look over the entire website. You will find helpful information. I would also encourage you to look into Solution - as there is useful information there.

As you know being rested is vital - everything goes down hill if we're not rested. Adding on your mom's behaviors and you are overwhelmed. Since you mentioned you've suffered from depression in the past, this has to be on your mind. Since you have a caregiver help your mom, would they be available to possibly help you out for a few hours on Sat or Sunday? 

Have you contacted your local ALZ Chapter? If not please do so, or call the national number 800-272-3900. Hopefully your local chapter will have some group programs you both might be able to attend. They will have other information that should help you.

Caregiving is challenging even in the best of circumstances. You know how difficult this can be, but with the correct tools in place I think both of you would benefit. Sometimes we get so busy being a caregiver we don't just sit with our loved one. Possibly in the evening or morning - just sit and look out the window together. Maybe hold her hand, which would be reassuring to the both of you. The physical touch can be so soothing, I believe you both would benefit.

Again welcome to the message boards.



Posted: Monday, June 19, 2017 5:53 PM
Joined: 12/26/2016
Posts: 17

My advice is based on my experience.  Seems like I spent a lot of energy trying to get dad to behave like a normal persons should do.  Now I ask before I try to get him to do what I think is best,  what I said the purpose here?  We need to let whatever happens happen.  We are not going to prevent all catastrophes etc.  sounds like you are doing a lot.  Depression is when we really feel no hope.  And we have these ideal expectations. 

There is no hope in this disease but there is hope that you will be ok.  

Mimi S.
Posted: Monday, June 19, 2017 8:09 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 6219

Hi 41 Arden

You are overwhealmed and need relief. 

Please call our help line and ask to speak with a Care Consultant. With tat personyou can explore how to get some time off.

Posted: Wednesday, June 21, 2017 1:16 PM
Joined: 4/13/2017
Posts: 21

Thank you very much for your advice. I will surely use it. Thanks again.
Posted: Wednesday, June 21, 2017 1:34 PM
Joined: 4/13/2017
Posts: 21

Thank you very much! I will surely take your advice! Thanks again.
Posted: Wednesday, June 21, 2017 1:36 PM
Joined: 4/13/2017
Posts: 21

Thank you for your advice!
Posted: Wednesday, June 21, 2017 1:41 PM
Joined: 4/13/2017
Posts: 21

Thank you! I will make the phone call!
Posted: Wednesday, June 21, 2017 11:51 PM
Joined: 4/12/2012
Posts: 127

you are lucky that you have this working for you....for now. to help make things easier, i would pick my battles. let her eat what she wants, and give her small portions, just like a toddler. you need to give her depends during the night so you dont wake up to a waiting mess, laundry can be overwhelming for anyone. plan now on how you will handle that 30 minutes she is alone. as she progresses it wil not be safe for her to be alone, she can wander outside.
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