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Caregivers Who Have Lost Someone
Mom and Dad passing 5 years ago, 4 days apart
Probably no one here knows me, those that might remember might pop in and see this, but I needed to write this time as I battle the memories of "the end" for both my parents.
It's been 5 years yesterday (July 10) that mom passed. The treatment by my sibs was horrific.
Seeing my dad on a stretcher next to moms casket was physically spinning, literally.
His last words to her were "I'll see you soon"......and 7 hours later (July 14 1AM) he passed.
He died the day of moms funeral. Such timing....dad.
I wish I was at the point that I don't remember these 4 days, but I still do, they haunt me. I wish the "memories" of them would over shadow this time, but they don't yet. Maybe next year.......
There were quite a few of us who lost parents at this time, don't know if any ever come back now after all this time.
If you do, I hope things are a lot better you, I really do. I am ok during the rest of the year, but I am still haunted by these 4 days.
I sure remember you. The anniversaries of their passing inevitably kick up all of the memories surrounding those days. For you, it is so especially hard, both parents so very close in time. It's surreal and I can't imagine getting through that time. So traumatic. I would imagine this time of the year will continue to be difficult, maybe in lots of time it will soften, but I can't imagine it goes away.
I remember someone who I have coffee with pretty much every week. She's a completely upbeat person, never seems to be in a bad mood, she's never quiet, she's quite lively all of the time, talks a lot. One Sunday she was very quiet, very subdued, I was concerned that she might be sick. She told me the next week that she was that way because it was around the time of her brother's death. He had died 15 years prior, but the effect on her was still there, still strong around the anniversary of his death.
I think during this time, the best you can do is to be extra good to yourself, treat yourself really well. Remember who they were, the good times and the good memories. Light a candle for each and watch it flicker, whatever brings you comfort. Be with good friends who understand and care about you, they can be a second family.
Hi KML, Very nice to hear from you! Hope you are ok, over all? I wish I had a few friends to help but I don't. Not sure what I can do for myself. Thought about bringing out some pictures of them when they were happy and younger....maybe I still will, since I have a few more days to go. All year long I remember good things, I talk to both of them still, out loud now and then and I find comfort in that during the rest of the year, but this week is still a mental battle with myself. Traumatic, oh yes. Don't know how I got through it, except one foot in front of the other. Just didn't think these memories would still be so strong and I can be back there in flash, and all those feelings surface again.
Sigh. Just a tough time.
I've been going to the movies and reading. I find both of those things take me away. Maybe treat yourself to a spa day.
Something that I've donefor a few years is card making and I totally lose myself in that, so hobbies are great, old ones and new ones. Taking a class somewhere and learning something new, it just helps to focus on something else for a while. The thoughts and memories don't go away, but we can put them aside for a bit, just to get a reprieve from sadness even for a short time is good.
Also, I've been getting DVD's from the library and watching different series like British ones, just provides a good distraction. From the library it's great, there's a good variety, comedies, mysteries, and they are free and I find myself looking forward to watching them.
Getting outside and walking in a park helps lift the spirits, too. Sometimes I need a lot of distractions
These anniversaries of the loss of our parents are very hard. I lost my parents over 20 years ago. Mother passed away 13 months after daddy. That was so hard but four days apart must have been terrible. I still talk out loud to my parents sometimes, too.
I lost Charles, my husband, a little more than 30 months ago. It has been and still is so very hard to be alone after 44 years together. What your dad said about seeing your mom soon rings true with me. I've said that to Charles. I think that's the way it should be- that we should go together.
I remember reading your posts even before I joined.
I'm sorry it's taken me this long to reply.
I can relate to reliving those last few days. 22 years ago today was my moms last good day. She came home from the hospital on the 31st.
It's been a year a a half since my dad joined her.
My heart goes out to you...and I hope you're having better days now.
Yes, we learn to adapt, but they are our parents. Those who gave us life.
I think reliving those days is very common, but it doesn't make it easier.
I don't know if you remember my posts, but my dad loved poptarts and Twinkies. Are used to write on the caregiver door about those things and have his picture on there.
So this morning I am sending you the biggest cyber hug, and an endless supply of pop tarts and Twinkies
Always be VK