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phone solicitor & compassion
Posted: Saturday, August 12, 2017 7:31 PM
Joined: 7/8/2017
Posts: 143

This guy has been calling... Asks for my LO...  'not available, can I take message?"  "No, I'll call back."   This has been going on for a month-ish.

Finally he called & I could see it was a favorite charity.  He asked for my LO. 

L O N G  pause...   "I wonder," I say, "if _____ charity would consider removing us from your call list: my husband had dementia..."

I expected resistance.  I expected it was impossible.... What I got was instant cooperation!  I felt the person calling understood the meaning of our situation and that he felt compassion. 

Compassion makes me weep.  I haven't received a lot of compassion in my overall life and some how it validates the pain I feel in a way that allows me to cry.  In the past I "never" cried in public but I have a sort of reverence for how tears function for our bodies and I'm a "fan" of tears now..... 

Kindness makes me cry...  The contrast between the "world of hurt" I inhabit and that one instant of 'connection/love/compassion/sympathy' where another person touches my heart in a good way always leaves me in tears....   You see, life goes along so regularly, mostly I don't even notice hardships, obstacles, annoyances -- we've all soldiered on, I'm sure!  But when something happens that "gives me a break" when some kind act burbles into our lives, I can only cry, and croak, 'thank you."

Posted: Saturday, August 12, 2017 11:26 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 961

Angel_Wolf, What a great post ! I am normally inclined to hang up on telemarketers and the like before they can hang up on me, but you reminded me that in spite of the typical boiler room lack of ethics most of us get most of the time, there are real people at the other end of those phone lines, and they do have real feelings, and sometimes... sometimes, one of them will ignore their book of rules and just be a human being. I suspect that most folks manning the phones do so because they need to put food on the table, and not because they enjoy irritating the general populace. I further suspect that they do not wake up each morning energized and thrilled to be going to their jobs.

I wonder if the voice on the phone had his day made better by you, too. I know that I have.




Jim Broede
Posted: Sunday, August 13, 2017 9:16 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 4766

I try to force phone solicitors to abandon their scripts. To tell me something personal about themselves. And where they are calling from. And if they ask for James. I tell them I’m Jim at the moment. And that when I’m in Italy, I’m Giacomo. And in the Czech Republic, I’m Vaclav. And I might ask them for their name. All sorts of things. I take charge of the conversation. And the subject matter. If they don’t cooperate – that’s their problem. They have the option. To continue the conversation. On my terms.  Or hang up. --Jim


Posted: Sunday, August 13, 2017 10:20 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1643

Oh, dear. Angela. Yes, we are stretched from all our chores tight as a balloon right before bursting. The tantalizing offer of mercy makes the balloon burst. Tears ensue.


Compassion fatigue, it hits us with a vengeance. After all the talk about limitless love, we find there is a limit and we indeed do have a limit on how much we can give, love, do.


This is how it hit me yesterday. I was at an event and friends arrived. My talk was like a torrential rain coming out of my mouth.  I talked of nothing and everything, the world. The persons with whom I spoke remembered from one sentence to the next, an unfamiliar feeling to me, and so allusions to what was said before turned to jokes and laughter, an absolutely normal conversation, a forgotten sensation for me, normally surrounded by persons in the perpetual present.


Early this morning I reflected on how my words might have seemed to others. Lonely, isolated as we are in our tasks, just the offer of a listening ear was enough for the verbal onslaught to ensue. That was when the tears came for me when I understood that I was surrounded by people and yet utterly and completely alone.


Here within this reading space with you the reader there is a certain communication. Now within this moment, the only moment where action can happen is the only moment available to us and yet the memory of the past is the only sustenance. We are the keepers of that flame.


Posted: Sunday, August 13, 2017 12:54 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096

I love this thread.  That's why I am here.  We keep it "real" here.  I love that! 

Yes Angel,  I agree about the tears and have said many times that tears are a good thing.  They release bad toxins from our body and also pent up emotions.  I cry a lot and I don't care.  That makes me human.  I have a heart. 

And yes, there are definitely good people out there and we never know when we will run into one, but when we do, my, what a blessing.  This is a good reminder also that we should all try to give a smile, a kind word, or a helping hand when we can.  Who knows....our little act might make someone else cry with gratitude.  What a blessing, to be able to do that for others.

Thanks so much for sharing this Angel.


Posted: Sunday, August 13, 2017 5:26 PM
Joined: 6/10/2017
Posts: 312

Dear Angel Wolf,  you put so beautifully that which I have a hard time expressing.  Tears have not come easily for me, either.  But through the kindness of people on this message board I have found myself weeping uncontrollably and that is a good thing.  I have tried to be strong and to hold it all in for so long and now the is a very good thing!  

Fondly, Eileen

Posted: Monday, August 14, 2017 10:14 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4303

You need to cry sometimes. Not crying and bottling your pain and emotions is not healthy. Go at it and have a good ole gut sobbing cry. Cleanse the soul. I believe in healing tears. Some of us are shamed as children for crying and it sticks. It's had letting go of that old shame. It takes courage to cry in front of someone. 
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