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Overwhelmed caring for Mother of Alz
Currently overwhelmed with the responsibility of caring for my Mother with Moderate Alz. She has lived with me and my husband for several years and over the last year has become a lot worse. I have several siblings, but are really no help. The enormity of caring for my Mom and not letting her down, is so stressful. Watching her slip away, and not be able to find her words and get emotional is beyond hard. Her symptoms have become a lot worse over the year. She is desperately trying to hold onto her independence but unable to do simple tasks.
My sisters only call when they want or need something...which weights on my heart even more. They have asked to borrow money from her...which upsets me...because later on, she doesn't even remember lending them the money. My husband and I care for her completely, and don't take a dime from her...so this puts stress on our marriage when she gives them money. I feel like I am constantly put in the middle....sympathizes with her as a Mother, ticked at them for actually asking their 70+ Mother for money, and then I feel bad for me. (It is a cycle I am exhausted from. I stay in contact with my siblings for my Mother. She has always been the peace, love and happiness lady...and since she lives with me, its hard for me to cut ties with them. (as much as I would like to) I feel like I would be punishing her. I now check her checking account daily, and keep an accounting to make sure they are not taking advantage.
I just feel so lonely. My son just left for college, and now should be a time when I would have time with my husband. Unfortunately, I don't feel comfortable leaving for a weekend...or even having a date night. I am a under 40, and feel like I am climbing Mt. Everest alone. This is the first time I have ever posted anything or joined a support group. I just was hoping maybe there was someone else out there that might be going through the same things....or maybe has some advice.
My Mother never saved for any events like this...so she only has SS. So I know my options long term are extremely limited. If anyone has advice on care options out there when patients do not have the means to pay for memory care or long term care facilities...I would be grateful.
Welcome to our world, Sam. I am so glad you found us.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is important to protect Mom's current assets, so talking with an elder care attorney is good. Also, look into respite care for your Mom so that you can get away for a weekend occasionally. And most important, start looking at the potential of nursing care for Mom at a facility that will take Medicaid payment. Medicaid will help pay for the needs of indigent patients. Your elder care attorney can give you more information.
I am new to this site. But I have to agree with the others. You have your mothers bear interest at heart. You need POA if you don't already have it. And the money you give to your siblings is money you will need later to care for her. You can get sitters now to help give you a break now and then to get much needed time with you spouse and family. You can't sacrifice your family for your moM. There are Comprimoses and solutions. Don't be afraid to say no to anyone that does t have your mothers best interests at heart.