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My mom stopped bathing
Posted: Saturday, November 4, 2017 5:46 PM
Joined: 11/4/2017
Posts: 4

My mom was recently diagnosed with Dementia. She currently lives with my father, who is her caretaker. He is slowly losing his patience with her. She hasn't bathed in weeks She used to not go a day without taking a shower.. She tells us she just took a shower, but we know it is not true. She yells at my father when he asks her nicely to clean herself. I have also tried to talk to her and she yells at me too. I don''t know what to do. She sits in her chair all day and either sleeps or watches TV. Any suggestions would help.Thank you
Mimi S.
Posted: Saturday, November 4, 2017 7:32 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 6631

Welcome to our world, Rose. We're so glad you found us.

What type of dementia was your mom diagnosed with?

Your father is doing his best but it is frustrating for him. Are there financial assests for Assisted Living?  If so, begin looking. Those who have made the move, szy te sooner the better.

There are no Federal nor State regulations, so lli carefully.  Ask under hat conditions be asked to leave.  Find a place with a locked or Memory Care Unit on site.  Look for several scheduled activities daily in all of physical, cognitive and social activities.  Get a written list.  How are residents dressed?  Several sleeping in wheel chairs in the hall?  Odor?  Would she eat the meals?  Check state for violations. Major or minor and how was it corrected.  Ask abut staff training and updating. Do the names Teepa Snow and  Naomi Feil mean anything?

If that is not possible. Is there Adult Day Care?  Hire caregivers.  Watch some Teepa Snow videos with dad. Anything in each that would help? Discuss it with dad and demonstrate by what you do.


Good luck.  Stay with us.

Posted: Saturday, November 4, 2017 9:14 PM
Joined: 11/4/2017
Posts: 4

She is in the beginning stages.  She is not a threat to herself just yet.  My father is able to leave her home for a little bit while he runs errands.  I am not looking to put her in a home.  She isn't that far gone.  I am trying to find ways to get her to clean herself.  I am in the process of looking for an aide to come to her house.  My dad isn't to keen on it.  I am trying to tell him that it will alleviate some of the burden from him.
Mimi S.
Posted: Sunday, November 5, 2017 8:41 AM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 6631

Just a short reply to the: No home, she's not ready yer.

There is a huge controversy over this. Some want their LO to stay home until it's no longer possible, with help, to care for them.

Others, and I'm one, believe that a Well chosen continuing care community is the better choice because care and activities are provided above and beyond what can be provided in the home. Socialization, which is often scarce at home, goes with the residence.  

Showering is not a daily necessity.  Often choosing the best time of day, having a hand held shower head,  possibly covering mirrors will help.    Bribery goes a long way: We'll go for some ice-cream right after your shower.  Do check out showers in Solutions.

The aide is very important. Possibly you can find one that will do the shower and also do planned activities with her. Are there things mom used to do that dad never liked? Perhaps some of these could be adapted for today.

Thanks for replying.

Iris L.
Posted: Sunday, November 5, 2017 11:56 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 15457

There are many threads on the General Caregiver's message board about showering.  Your dad may have to get into the shower with her.  Or it may be time to begin the use of adult baby wipes, which can be purchased in a drugstore or made at home by watching youtube videos.  There is information on the main website about showering and daily caregiving.  There is a great Spouse/Partner message board if your dad wants to meet with other husbands in his position.  The 36 Hour Day book is a great resource.

Iris L.

Posted: Saturday, December 2, 2017 12:05 AM
Joined: 3/7/2017
Posts: 7

Hi Rose, this generally happens when one is diagnosed with dementia. And it is really very difficult to handle the daily routine of the people suffering from dementia. According to me, you have two options. Either you can choose a home carer to handle her daily routines or else you can opt for communities like dementia care Morris NJ ( who provides the proper care of the patient suffering from Alzheimer's  along with the luxury living facilities. Hope this helps you out.
Laurie Ann 1
Posted: Friday, December 22, 2017 6:02 PM
Joined: 12/22/2017
Posts: 2

Where does one find a home care giver? I'm so new to this that I don't have a clue.
Horse Lover
Posted: Saturday, December 23, 2017 5:51 PM
Joined: 11/4/2017
Posts: 122

Most likely your doctor's office can refer you to someone.  I have a friend who does home health care and she lets the doctor's offices know when she has new openings.

Horse Lover
Posted: Sunday, December 24, 2017 9:17 PM
Joined: 11/4/2017
Posts: 122

Roe 244.  I have an idea that might be worth trying.  For those of us who have been diagnosed with AD, the alzheimer's association suggests that we make daily/weekly/ and monthly schedules with a check of list for each day.  If you can sit with her and make a check off list to "help her" get through her day, taking a shower could be something that she would check off as she finishes it.  If she hasn't checked it off of the list, you can show her that it isn't checked off and she still needs to complete that task for the day.  You could also include the times to take medication, when to eat, when to rest, etc.  I hope this helps.  Keep us posted.
Posted: Thursday, January 11, 2018 1:28 AM
Joined: 11/21/2015
Posts: 165

Roe224, my parent had caregivers come to the house to do the routine things. It keeps the family battles to a minimal.  One caregiver was so sweet she would tell my parent how much better they would feel after taking the shower.   She strategically placed shower time behind a toilet time routine, after the lunch routine.  Coaxing my parent by saying she wanted to start a load of laundry and needed to get a full load to run the wash machine.
Posted: Friday, June 8, 2018 3:56 AM
Joined: 6/8/2018
Posts: 2

Hello I am an new this this group but my mom has had this issues for more than 3 years. She was in the SNF after a tumor in her right frontal side near the temple And it was surgical removed in December 2015,  Benign...but the year before and maybe just a bit earlier she was diagnosedwith it she started avoiding take I gave bath. Now she was haveing issues due to other diseases she has going  physically. But yeah she would give her shower o cue in a while. Now I see the connection I didn’t see then, I have her home for the time being, and she is still impossleto sponge bathe. No amount of bribing helps...but she will if she has to go somewhere. So I see my mom had possibly had UD before her diagnose of tumor. She was pretty good a shower a week like clockwork every Sunday before 2014 until mid 2015 I was not conscious of it as I was working full time so didn’t see it u til someone told me, helps to know there are others that have and are going through this. Now to get her to think about getting on a bathing  schedule.  Easier said than done lol
Mimi S.
Posted: Saturday, June 9, 2018 9:32 AM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 6631

EKL...Welcome to our world. I'm so glad you found us.

Any one is welcome to post anywhere, but you might get more answers if yu repost on the Caregivers site.

Discussing anything with your mom is a waste of tie. Most folks, just prepare the shower assemble whatever is needed, make sure the water temp is OK, then just extend an arm and lead er there. I f she asks: it's time for a shower.  Figure out the time of day that is best.  Sometimes, covering mirrors will help.

Posted: Saturday, June 9, 2018 3:12 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 15759 general I will say that being creative and flexible wins the game. This goes for everything!!!! One must get on the page with the person with dementia and find the way around Robin's barn. Your mother is changing and the journey will be easier if you keep up.

Your mother believes she has showered so how to get her to take another shower. Your father getting in with her could work. Let's shower and then have some cake might work. You have to figure out what works.

Teepa Snow has a lot of information to share online. There are others online. Again, one has to learn this stuff.

I encourage you  to also post on the two caregiver boards...lots of sharing there.

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