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Caregivers Who Have Lost Someone
MISSING MY LOVE
My Dear Husband died the week before Xmas. It feels like he just disappeared into thin air. I cared for him at home for several years and then had to place him in a MC facility.
I visited him every day for two years and put my heart and soul into making his Quality of life the very best that I could. As long as he could still walk I took him out to duck ponds and parks or whatever he could cope with. even as he declined to where he couldn't walk anymore he was still HIM. Always maintained that special personality. The house seems so empty even though he hasn't lived here for two years. It is just that he is nowhere, and that is so hard to wrap my mind around. I try to keep busy but still have too much free time almost like i'm out of a job.
The thought of being alone the rest of my life makes me feel sad too, My family were very good I have no complaints but I seldom here from them they have moved on with their busy lives but I am still here lost in this empty spaceand the person who would have comforted me is gone.
I am so sorry you feel this way. My DH is in MC has been for little over a year. I visit him every other day he seems to be declining very slow. I think when the time comes he is no longer around I will probably feel lost.
You were a good caregiver by making sure he was as happy as he could be for as long as he was alive. I am sure you know you need to live your life now and take care of yourself, I am sure that is what your DH would want you to do. Be happy get involved be a volunteer. I volunteer for Red Cross and it really helps me to know I can be of help to others.
Now is the time for you to take care of yourself. Hugs Zetta
Hello April. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband. I lost mine December 30th. It's still so hard for me to say it. I feel your pain, your grief, your lonliness, and your yearning to be with him once again. At times it doesn't even seem real to me, but sadly it is. I hope you will find peace and healing with each passing day, that is what I pray for every day for myself. Take care,
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I'm sorry not to have responded sooner but every time I come on these boards I start crying again, it's as if it forces me to relive the loss and I feel so sad . It sounds as if you have made peace with your husbands passing . I am wishing more peaceful days for you.
Oh Vivi You expressed exactly how I feel I so yearn to have him back.
Sometimes it seems as if he is still here making funny comments in my mind.
I was working out in the back garden and was mentally lamenting to myself that the blue spruce we received as a wedding present looked ratty with lots of dead branches and I could hear him in my mind, chuckling and he said " don't worry about it I never liked it anyway." and I started to laugh because he had wanted to trim off the bottom branches and I was horrified and wouldn't let him. Some days he still feels close but much of the time like he is getting farther and farther away. Try to keep busy I find it helps. find somewhere to volunteer on a regular basis. I you have places you have to go it gets you moving in the morning and breaks up the day.
Hang in there I am sending caring thoughts your way.
April I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you're dealing with. All I can do is pray that every day it will get just a little easier for you. (and the rest of you who lost your spouses). I hope you find peace.
Hello April. It has been awhile since I visited this site, mainly because it takes me back to the very sad days when I was caring for my Robert. I was wondering how you spent the one year anniversary of your DH death and how you are doing now. I cried all day on Robert's because it made me realize once and for all that no, he is never coming back to me. I still am not in a place where I want or feel like beginning a life without my Robert. Frankly, I don't believe I will ever be ready to do that. I hope you have found some peace somehow. Take care, blessings to you,