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5 kitchens down, 0 to go
Chris F.
Posted: Monday, April 16, 2018 5:13 PM
Joined: 12/29/2015
Posts: 72


3 yrs. ago, I packed Mom's kitchen for her move to IL 300 miles away so she could be closer to my brother. I kept a few items she'd no longer need. 15 mos. ago, I packed Mom's kitchen for her move to IL close to me. I kept a few more items she'd no longer need. 9 mos. ago, I packed her kitchen for her move to a different IL apt. that she really wanted - prettier view. I kept some more items she no longer used. 2 1/2 mos. ago, I packed her kitchen for her move to AL. Most of her things came home with me.

 
Today, I packed her kitchen for the last time and brought everything home with me. She will move to memory care on Friday when she's discharged from rehab. I don't get very sad these days because everything is going so damned fast. There's just no time to sit and feel sad. For this, I'm grateful; however, today was a tough one for me.  She's actually very excited about moving to MC because she knows she'll need more help. 
 
It's me that is having the problem. 

gubblebumm
Posted: Monday, April 16, 2018 5:28 PM
Joined: 7/12/2017
Posts: 710


Do not feel like to need to keep al her old stuff, if its usable and you use it okay, but if its not, donate, toss whatever...don't think you need to hold onto things for her...and it is bitter sweet
ExpressoTime
Posted: Monday, April 16, 2018 5:34 PM
Joined: 3/11/2018
Posts: 366


I understand...I spent 4 days with my mother last week. I brought home her favorite recipe card. It was something she made quite regularly to take to other people's houses. When I brought up that recipe, and handed the card to her, which she read, she had no recollection of ever having made that recipe, her favorite recipe! I cleaned her kitchen top to bottom a month ago. Those pots and pans sit idle for a couple years now...and well they should. 

Memories live on in us, Chris, and it is our job now to dirty those pans...get cooking  


SelEtPoivre
Posted: Monday, April 16, 2018 5:46 PM
Joined: 3/8/2018
Posts: 279


Hi Chris,

I have three sets of china (!!) that belonged to three great-aunts. I use them for special occasions, and always feel like they’re part of the holiday/celebration when the “good dishes” are brought out.

Keep what you love, and use them. Mom will be there in the kitchen alongside  you


Chris F.
Posted: Monday, April 16, 2018 7:42 PM
Joined: 12/29/2015
Posts: 72


gubblebumm wrote:
don't think you need to hold onto things for her...and it is bitter sweet
I wrestle with this, but I do have a favorite charity and take some pleasure in knowing her things will help others. Thanks!
Chris F.
Posted: Monday, April 16, 2018 7:46 PM
Joined: 12/29/2015
Posts: 72


ExpressoTime wrote:

Memories live on in us, Chris, and it is our job now to dirty those pans...get cooking

LOL - Yes, Ma'am/Sir!!! Maybe, when her time comes, we'll break out the old pots and pans and make some of our favorite recipes form our childhood that she made. Have you tried making the recipe for your mom? I wonder if she might remember?
Chris F.
Posted: Monday, April 16, 2018 7:50 PM
Joined: 12/29/2015
Posts: 72


SelEtPoivre wrote:

Keep what you love, and use them. Mom will be there in the kitchen alongside  you


Thank you - I love the idea of her being alongside me, even though she'll be critiquing my every move. Ah - the good ole days - my mind will make up what she'd be saying, "Just a pinch of salt, otherwise it won't rise correctly" or " you don't want to let it sit for too long, or else..." such good and fond memories.

Thanks everyone. I'm getting out of the doldrums and back to business. Just had a speck of sadness that wouldn't go away until I attended to it. Have I mentioned I LOVE this forum!?!?!? <3


just exhibit Love
Posted: Monday, April 16, 2018 8:07 PM
Joined: 12/6/2011
Posts: 522


Chris

The joys and sorrows we go through..

Joy: Your mom is excited about moving to MC

Sorrow: it's you having the problem

Take care my friend and know you meet your mother's needs and this you can give because you Love her.

Namaste

Love Rosie


Rockym
Posted: Monday, April 16, 2018 9:28 PM
Joined: 1/17/2016
Posts: 708


Chris, I know how you feel.  Three years ago I packed my mom up and moved her to a beautiful AL 15 minutes from me.  When she had a stroke and needed a high level of care, I packed her again and moved her to another AL.  She had a small kitchen in both of these with a refrigerator and a microwave.  It was warm and comfortable.

When mom's memory and her physical disability combined was making it difficult for the AL to care for her properly, I moved her again to an MC only.  No more kitchen, no more microwave and no more refrigerator.  She couldn't use them anymore anyway.

It is sad when we see the progression and have to handle the higher needs.  I'm thankful I can do this for her and I'm sure you feel the same.  By the way, I do still have the ice cream scoop from my childhood home that is probably 50 years old.  Some items live on.


MN Chickadee
Posted: Tuesday, April 17, 2018 7:57 AM
Joined: 9/7/2014
Posts: 395


Save a few things that bring you fond memories or that you particularly like and send the rest out into the world for others to make memories with. 

You're right, things often don't allow time to sit and grieve and think like we want. Take care of yourself. Your mom sounds like a special lady. 


Karen in Cleveland
Posted: Tuesday, April 17, 2018 8:37 AM
Joined: 5/31/2017
Posts: 43


Just a vent . . .

There are at least 8 people who live locally who could look in on our 91 year old aunt with dementia who just entered a nursing home in January.  If we all shared in the responsibility, it wouldn't all fall on me. 

The last time that her closest local relative visited was March 10th - he does not sign the visitor's log, but I could pinpoint the date of his last visit based on a response to a text message I sent in March. 

 So I conducted an experiment - I mentioned nothing to the 'family' about our aunt/cousin even though I noticed changes in her behavior as well as physical changes.  She continually became worse - almost non-responsive - in a very short period of time. I advocated for her in the NH and saw that she was comfortable and even spent a couple of nights with her.  She was hospitalized yesterday, so I let them know.  Of course I'm being flooded with promises of hospital visits.

I know I cannot control anyone else's behavior and I'm trying to keep my cool, but it is so hard!

 

 

 

 

 


 
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