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I hate you every day.
Posted: Monday, May 7, 2018 12:17 AM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 1184

This week I won the absolutely not-at-all-coveted I Hate You Every Day Award. Hooray? Can anyone else relate?


Posted: Monday, May 7, 2018 12:58 AM
Joined: 7/17/2017
Posts: 400

Hi, Lickety . Are you referring to yourself being hated, or the fact that you hate Alzheimer's?  I can relate to both wholeheartedly!!  On one hand, from the looks I get from caregivers if I don't always play the doting daughter and show up twice a week, and on the other hand, hating that my mommy dearest is in this state.
Posted: Monday, May 7, 2018 6:57 AM
Joined: 12/21/2014
Posts: 564

Hi LG - love your blog and hope to find more spare time to read more!

My mom has never said, "I hate you everyday" but she has had her moments.

"I'm not your mom" I think has to top my list.  If she isn't my mom, WHY am I doing this?  

I just have to keep reminding myself it's really not my Real Mom saying that.  That was my Other Mom. LOL.

My biggest frustration is my DAD.  Mom has had AD for 4+ years and I was told she is at stage 7.  Cannot do any ADLs.  I moved in with parents at the beginning of March because dad simply can't deal with the increasing care she needs.  For me, taking care of my mom is easy (well, other than losing sleep on a more consistent basis). But Dad does NOT have AD - however, he is very set in his ways, hard of hearing, has back pain issues, is not fond of change, I could go on and on.  I know my being here is a disruption to his way of doing things, an "invasion" of his space but I also know he appreciates the time and effort I'm investing.  I'm sure my Real Mom appreciates me as well - or at least she would, if she knew it. 

Posted: Monday, May 7, 2018 8:18 AM
Joined: 3/11/2018
Posts: 546

Isn't your mother just precious? LOL Yes she is, but whew, what a thing to say right? 

I remember writing "I hate mom" on something as a kid, making sure to put it out where she would see it. They do so remind me of children sometimes. 

Corazon 3
Posted: Monday, May 7, 2018 9:16 AM
Joined: 8/30/2017
Posts: 1

Iam new to this group and unfortunately just missed a meeting this morning?

Where do you meet?

Mom was diagnosed two years ago with AD and I need to find some friends for her, social groups, she hates living here because she has no friends and nothing to do. I have signed her up to help in the thrift shop, knitting group, rosary making groug, Rennaissance on the 9th, Bingo with H2U but we go one or two times and she says it is boring for her. 


Posted: Monday, May 7, 2018 9:32 AM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2366

Love the TShirt..I Hate You Everyday  Love MOM...lol
Posted: Monday, May 7, 2018 9:47 AM
Joined: 3/11/2018
Posts: 546

Hi Corazon, 

I don't know anything about meeting, as far as I know this is just an online forum. Maybe others know more about any in person meet-ups. But welcome! 

Posted: Monday, May 7, 2018 9:48 AM
Joined: 6/7/2016
Posts: 111

Thanks for sharing!  I enjoyed your blog too!

I'm the primary caregiver for my MIL and she often tells me, "I thought you were supposed to help me but you are so mean!" Sometimes she knows I'm her daughter-in-law, and at other times I'm just "the help." It's hard. I love her and want the best for her, but she can no longer reason or understand all the "why's" of what I do for her. She gets angry when I just try to help her to the bathroom, get her dressed, bathed, and to a meal. Then she sees me as the bad and unreasonable person. I just get so tired.

Thank you again, for sharing!

Posted: Monday, May 7, 2018 10:55 AM
Joined: 4/9/2018
Posts: 66

Good writing! I'll have to check out the rest of your blog. At least you haven't lost your sense of humor. I agree -  the expressions of emotion that remain when so much else is lost is so interesting and also disconcerting. I don't need a shirt like that yet, but I could wear a "You need to keep your nose out of my business, Love Mom" shirt.
Posted: Monday, May 7, 2018 4:37 PM
Joined: 8/24/2016
Posts: 141

just read your post, and my mom is the same, when she's mad she can still put all her words together and hit you where it will hurt, rest of the time her conversation is basically a word salad. I think there may be some wiring that allows the "flight or fight" response to still operate when more advanced reasoning has vanished.
Posted: Monday, May 7, 2018 4:39 PM
Joined: 10/21/2016
Posts: 2877

Bwahahaha.  Keep posting to remind us to visit your blog.  My favorite:

With dementia the faster you accept

 that there are worse things coming down the road,

 the easier it is to gun it over the little speed bumps

  and not let 'em ruin your day.


 Unless you say otherwise, I'm going to borrow this!!!

Posted: Monday, May 7, 2018 4:46 PM
Joined: 5/3/2018
Posts: 1

How funny. Thank you for giving me the giggles and pull out of the dark place I have been recently. I tried to click on the" I hate you..." link but it seems to not be active. Appreciate your cute funny self!!! Lol
The Goat
Posted: Monday, May 7, 2018 7:31 PM
Joined: 3/9/2018
Posts: 40

Read your blog with much interest. Nice to know I'm not the only one who was saddened by the fact that my mother forgot my birthday this year - watching and becoming more aware of her memory loss is devastating.
Posted: Monday, May 7, 2018 8:19 PM
Joined: 4/29/2017
Posts: 111

LOL...Loved your blog post.  So now i'm wondering which is worse?

The "I hate you every day" award or the one my mom has given me...(looking at me in disgust of course)...drum roll...."BOY YOU ARE GETTING FAT!!!!"

I say, "Yep...it's from all the stress this last year!"  Or now I find the humor an I stick my butt out and pat it and say to her..."MOM...LOOK...look at my fat butt!" and I chuckle.

Keep in mind, I'm by no means what would be considered a larger person and I've really only gained about 7 lbs.  I suppose on my 5' 2" frame that can tend to show.

I think I'll keep my award....I can lose the weight and she will have to come up with another one.  Although...I did also get the "I'll never forgive you for this" award a few times!

Posted: Tuesday, May 8, 2018 3:45 PM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 1184

HAHAHAHAHA! Maybe we should start a new thread... "What would your t-shirt say?"
Posted: Tuesday, May 8, 2018 3:49 PM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 1184

Romiha, my dad was the same way, and I often think about him checking in on us (he died two years ago) and futzing about how we do things now, and especially about his daughters pets being in the house! He's blowing a fuse about it wherever he's at!

I am sending you much patience. I didn't get to battle out the changes with my dad 'cause he died before I could be of help. So there's that to take some consolation from, especially any time he's giving you some grief.

Posted: Tuesday, May 8, 2018 4:06 PM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 1184

I tell 'ya, the best strategy my sister and I employed to become better caregivers was to give up being devastated about anything. Being sad and heartbroken all the time like we were at first just dragged us down. If you can let it go, and start enjoying who they are instead of who they were it may be helpful. Everybody is different so my advice may just be talking smack to your situation.

Regardless, I wish you much patience!

Posted: Tuesday, May 8, 2018 4:11 PM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 1184

Thank you EVERYONE for taking the time to read the blog post! And for sharing your stories of less than wonderful care partner days. It reinforces what I tell myself on sleepless nights "There's 500 other caregivers out there right now going through the same thing!"
Posted: Tuesday, May 8, 2018 4:13 PM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 1184

Jjaz - You are welcome to use it! It's a bit ironic that a good piece of advice is how the grass will definitely not be greener soon!
Posted: Tuesday, May 8, 2018 4:52 PM
Joined: 3/11/2018
Posts: 546

LicketyGlitz wrote:
HAHAHAHAHA! Maybe we should start a new thread... "What would your t-shirt say?"
You're my favorite until I'm speaking to your sister!  Love, Mom

Posted: Tuesday, May 8, 2018 5:00 PM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2366

"Well!! Then I'll just go home!" love mom
Posted: Tuesday, May 8, 2018 7:31 PM
Joined: 1/12/2018
Posts: 11

I’ve just joined the I hate you club...I used to get the cold shoulder or some other reaction but now I’m hated. I get the daily morning call to remind me of how bad I am for what I have done to her ( my mom). She is in prison and it’s my fault. I’ve stolen her car ( sometimes I did it while she was sleeping). No matter what happens to her it’s always my fault......I feel special!!

We are not alone friends!

Posted: Wednesday, May 9, 2018 7:33 AM
Joined: 5/9/2018
Posts: 87

I have heard "I am not your Mother", "you are not my daughter", "I never thought you would be like this" and a few others.  I don't take any of this personal.  My mother is not in any type of facility but I prepare myself for these things when I try to discuss.  I know she is just lashing out since she thinks she is losing her independence.  Doctor no longer wants her to operate a vehicle - what does he know - he doesn't know me (she has been seeing him for 15+ years).  The other day she threw her pocketbook on the ground (like a child) and even said sh*t which my mother NEVER would say.  I understand at these times, she is not herself.  Wants to go home (get a dog) and try to live on her own.   Problem is that when she was at home, she had a track record of not cleaning, not eating well, not doing wash and sleeping most of the day.  I believe folks should do whatever they want but that is not a life.  Not to mention, the worry I would have of her falling (she has an answer for everything - I have a phone and can call YOU if there is a problem).  I am tired of living by worrying.  I guess I will have to hear "I am not your Mother" many more times before long.
Posted: Wednesday, May 9, 2018 10:15 AM
Joined: 3/8/2018
Posts: 825

LicketyGlitz wrote:
HAHAHAHAHA! Maybe we should start a new thread... "What would your t-shirt say?"

Mine is "I need you more than work needs you"


and on the back: "She (the aide) does nothing for me"

Posted: Saturday, May 12, 2018 3:08 PM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 1184

You guys gave me such smiles and chuckles all week long with your replies! I wanted to thank you with this post...

Dementia T-Shirts!


Posted: Saturday, May 12, 2018 6:01 PM
Joined: 3/11/2018
Posts: 546

Funny! I can just imagine the looks I would get wearing those around town....
Posted: Sunday, May 13, 2018 12:20 AM
Joined: 12/26/2015
Posts: 182

Oh my isn't it amazing how they can't wipe their bums but can throw together an insult that cuts to the core? 

My mom told me once, as she tried to storm out the yard gate and I was attempting to stop her - "I used to love you, but not any more!" and similarly, "I used to think you were nice but now I know ......" insert ominous knowing glare... 

Posted: Sunday, May 13, 2018 7:44 PM
Joined: 7/2/2014
Posts: 108

I usually get, what in the hell is wrong with you?
Posted: Thursday, May 17, 2018 2:18 PM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 1184

Hahaha! C D, brightside - those are brilliant! I "made" the t-shirt and added them to the comments: https://www.stumpedtowndementia.com/blog-1/dementia_tshirt
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