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Caregivers Who Have Lost Someone
What hurls you back? When you are over it. When you know you are healed, and living life again.
Is it seeing someone else with the year of birth of your parent? Is it a same weather day as the day they died?
What's your deja vu?
I wish they didn't happen.
When I see a veteran. Especially a Korean War vet and or hat.
I was at the store the other day next in line to check out, and then walked an older gentleman with the exact same neck brace that my dad wore for 2 1/2 years. I blinked, looked away, looked back, and he was still there. Not really sure why, except all those memories of when he broke his neck came flooding back.
It was all I could do not to just leave the store right then and there. A lot of people may not understand it, and that’s OK. They don’t have to. It’s a very personal thing what can trigger and someone.
Then I thought, OK, well at least that first is over with, trying to make light of it. Yes, birthdays or anniversary dates those can do it also.
Pop tarts, Twinkies, prayers and hugs to all-
Always be VK
What hurls you back?
For me it’s seeing couples together having fun, or just
holding hands. Seeing her favorite cookies, (Oreo's) when I am shopping. Buying
my own clothes. She always did that for me. Thunder storms at night, and lying
in bed listening to the rain. Frozen pancakes she loved them. And sometimes just
a smell can bring back memories.
Had to go to the ER with my child this weekend too, all is well, but sitting there in a different hospital still evoked the many trips made from AL.
I know I have strawberry poptarts in my cupboard, but at this metabolic stage of my life I will have to settle for sniffing them, VK. Halotop ice cream, here I come.
For my mom, rose gardens.
For my Dad, cowboys riding a horse.
Every darn* time.
What's your deja vu? I wish they didn't happen.
It's only been a month so EVERYTHING is my deja vu. I don't mind as I try to work though this. Why do you wish they didn't happen? Isn't it nice to remember?
The back of a older man with his suspenders criss-crossed.
A license plate number that is similar to what Dad had..
RockyM, It is nice to remember. Healed, you mostly remember the good things.
But every now and then, something hurls me back to a sad spot/bad spot. It is this I am talking about - the sound of a pulse oximeter, seeing the birth year of your parent, passing the bank of the parking lot where you sat and cried because of the amount of money you had to take out to pay the nursing home; and getting a splash of cold water that they are dead.
It's a temporary thing - just a shocker when you've rejoined life again.
KingBoo, I see what you're saying. It's strange, but the rough times for me seem to be much less since she passed still in stage 5. I think the toughest part was constantly fighting to make sure she had the right care. Also, dealing with the multiple phone calls three years ago was intense. Both my parents always talked about the silver linings so I grew up putting a positive spin on the worst of the worst. We also joked a lot so when things were bad, there was always an after the fact story that made that crappy situation sound funny.
Maybe at 6 weeks now, I haven't had enough time to pass. Like I said, everything reminds me of mom.
Red Rose tea, anything related to bingo, a deck of cards, cream puffs, matzo crackers, certain songs can make me lose it. Can't wait to get out of this tailspin and start remembering the good things. I want to smile when I think of my mom. This is a bitch.
PS: KML I'm sorry your sister deserted you when you need her.
Watching Jeopardy and the Andy Griffith Show. I would have dinner with my dad when he was at home and we'd watch these programs together. Those are sweet memories. Later when he was in the care facility, we'd watch these in his room, which I tried to set up to look like his living room from home. We carried on the tradition of watching these programs together.
Holidays in general bring me back to the times we were all together, happier times, I wish I would have appreciated everything more than what I did at the time.
Another hurl back moment happened yesterday. In front of a group of people my sister-in-law casually handed me an envelope with a comment "Here, I found this in a stack of papers while sorting through some boxes. I thought you would like to have it." She had been cleaning out my still living mother-in-law's closet. I turned over the envelope and was immediately reduced to tears as I recognized my mother's beautiful handwriting. It was a note she had written to my mother-in-law. I couldn't read it standing there so I put it in my purse to read in private and quickly pulled myself together.
My sister-in-law made a big deal of acting surprised that it would upset me. It's hasn't been 6 months since Mom passed. Geez! Give a girl a little warning!! What could have been a nice gesture left me feeling sucker punched.
I guess having not lost a parent, my sister-law didn't realize the impact it would have. I have read the note and it did help me remember that before dementia took my mom away, she had many shining moments.
Seeing an old couple holding hands or just sitting together talking and laughing, oblivious to the world around them.
What brightens my day is to see a young couple doing the same, and hoping they find the love of their life as I have.
We are lucky this day in age to have so many pictures and videos of our LO's at our disposal. Though only two months in, when I see either, I simply lose it. I have a video of my mother in the hospital with a cast on her broken wrist; waving at me with that hand saying I love you. It brings me to tears every time I watch it. But she looks so cute and it reminds me of how much she loved me and the tremendous love I have for her. I can't wait till I only think happy thoughts when I see pictures and videos of her. Praying for all of us to get past the wicked pain and remember happier times. I know the pain never really goes away; but I pray for it to be more bearable for all of us.