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Hurled back
King Boo
Posted: Wednesday, June 6, 2018 2:57 PM
Joined: 1/9/2012
Posts: 2731


What hurls you back?  When you are over it.  When you know you are healed, and living life again.

Is it seeing someone else with the year of birth of your parent?        Is it a same weather day as the day they died?

What's your deja vu?

I wish they didn't happen. 


jfkoc
Posted: Wednesday, June 6, 2018 3:31 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 15328


touching a starched and pressed dress shirt
Veterans kid
Posted: Wednesday, June 6, 2018 7:00 PM
Joined: 10/17/2014
Posts: 1195


When I see a veteran. Especially a Korean War vet and or hat.

 I was at the store the other day next in line to check out, and then walked an older gentleman with the exact same neck brace that my dad wore for 2 1/2 years. I blinked, looked away, looked back, and he was still there. Not really sure why, except all those memories of when he broke his neck came flooding back.

 It was all I could do not to just leave the store right then and there. A lot of people may not understand it, and that’s OK. They don’t have to. It’s a very personal thing what can trigger and someone. 

Then I thought, OK, well at least that first is over with, trying to make light of it. Yes, birthdays or anniversary dates those can do it also.

 Pop tarts, Twinkies, prayers and hugs to all-

Julie

Always be VK 


MPSunshine
Posted: Wednesday, June 6, 2018 8:01 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1769


The mail that still arrives with his name.
MPSunshine
Posted: Wednesday, June 6, 2018 8:02 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1769


As though he could open it.
Vivilynn
Posted: Wednesday, June 6, 2018 10:53 PM
Joined: 8/15/2017
Posts: 198


Seeing a man dressed in all denim, that's all my Robert wore. I dressed him in it for his burial.
Last Dance
Posted: Wednesday, June 6, 2018 11:34 PM
Joined: 5/2/2013
Posts: 218


What hurls you back?

For me it’s seeing couples together having fun, or just holding hands. Seeing her favorite cookies, (Oreo's) when I am shopping. Buying my own clothes. She always did that for me. Thunder storms at night, and lying in bed listening to the rain. Frozen pancakes she loved them. And sometimes just a smell can bring back memories.


George K
Posted: Thursday, June 7, 2018 5:45 AM
Joined: 12/16/2011
Posts: 2747


When I see a couple walking hand-in-hand; when I see another woman with the same hair style and color; when lilacs bloom; when the sun shines, when the sun doesn't shine; when I set the dinner table for one.  I guess I'm not over losing my wife yet.
King Boo
Posted: Thursday, June 7, 2018 7:13 AM
Joined: 1/9/2012
Posts: 2731


Thanks for sharing all.  We'll never all get over it, I guess, but I didn't know the healing could split open again so sharply.  
I saw several people this week with my parents month and year of birth, one even with the exact birthday.  It started as a pity party "not fair!" and kind of evolved from there.

Had to go to the ER with my child this weekend too, all is well, but sitting there in a different hospital still evoked the many trips made from AL.

I know I have strawberry poptarts in my cupboard, but at this metabolic stage of my life I will have to settle for sniffing them, VK.  Halotop ice cream, here I come.


harshedbuzz
Posted: Wednesday, June 13, 2018 1:40 PM
Joined: 3/6/2017
Posts: 894


The smell of Old Spice.



jfkoc
Posted: Wednesday, June 13, 2018 1:42 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 15328


Bay Rum
TheirLittleGirl
Posted: Friday, June 15, 2018 3:07 PM
Joined: 12/23/2016
Posts: 56


For my mom, rose gardens.

For my Dad, cowboys riding a horse.

Every darn* time.


Rockym
Posted: Saturday, June 16, 2018 8:40 AM
Joined: 1/17/2016
Posts: 762


What's your deja vu?  I wish they didn't happen. 

It's only been a month so EVERYTHING is my deja vu.  I don't mind as I try to work though this.  Why do you wish they didn't happen?  Isn't it nice to remember?

 


daughterwhoworks
Posted: Thursday, June 21, 2018 1:54 PM
Joined: 8/3/2017
Posts: 132


The back of a older man with his suspenders criss-crossed.  

A license plate number that is similar to what Dad had..  

 

    


King Boo
Posted: Tuesday, June 26, 2018 10:35 AM
Joined: 1/9/2012
Posts: 2731


RockyM, It is nice to remember.  Healed, you mostly remember the good things.

But every now and then, something hurls me back to a sad spot/bad spot.   It is this I am talking about - the sound of a pulse oximeter, seeing the birth year of your parent, passing the bank of the parking lot where you sat and cried because of the amount of money you had to take out to pay the nursing home; and getting a splash of cold water that they are dead.

It's a temporary thing - just a shocker when you've rejoined life again. 


Rockym
Posted: Wednesday, June 27, 2018 8:28 PM
Joined: 1/17/2016
Posts: 762


KingBoo, I see what you're saying.  It's strange, but the rough times for me seem to be much less since she passed still in stage 5.  I think the toughest part was constantly fighting to make sure she had the right care.  Also, dealing with the multiple phone calls three years ago was intense.  Both my parents always talked about the silver linings so I grew up putting a positive spin on the worst of the worst.  We also joked a lot so when things were bad, there was always an after the fact story that made that crappy situation sound funny.

Maybe at 6 weeks now, I haven't had enough time to pass.  Like I said, everything reminds me of mom. 

 

 


Jules315
Posted: Sunday, July 8, 2018 9:44 AM
Joined: 6/11/2017
Posts: 23


I was hurled back on Friday at my uncle's funeral when the song "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling" was played. He was my mother's brother and one of my favorites. It's been a tradition to play this song at family funerals. All of a sudden, in my mind I was at Mom's funeral 5 months ago. Needless to say, my Irish eyes were crying.
KML
Posted: Monday, July 9, 2018 2:19 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2093


Meyer lemons in the store, my parents had two meyer lemon trees that were wonderful.  Flannel shirts, remind me of my dad.  Watermelon, my mom was the best watermelon seed shooter.  Whistling, my dad could whistle like a bird.  So many things.  Right now, on the negative side, my sister who has discarded me from her life, it hurls me back to when I had a family and a history.  Now, everyone in my original family is gone.  My sister was the last link.  Now I have just photos and memories.
Skittles412
Posted: Monday, July 9, 2018 2:45 PM
Joined: 5/14/2018
Posts: 94


Red Rose tea, anything related to bingo, a deck of cards, cream puffs, matzo crackers, certain songs can make me lose it.  Can't wait to get out of this tailspin and start remembering the good things.  I want to smile when I think of my mom.  This is a bitch.

PS: KML I'm sorry your sister deserted you when you need her.


Tay46
Posted: Monday, July 9, 2018 4:31 PM
Joined: 9/18/2013
Posts: 236


Seeing a mother and a daughter out shopping together.
KML
Posted: Tuesday, July 10, 2018 2:21 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2093


Watching Jeopardy and the Andy Griffith Show.  I would have dinner with my dad when he was at home and we'd watch these programs together.  Those are sweet memories.  Later when he was in the care facility, we'd watch these in his room, which I tried to set up to look like his living room from home.  We carried on the tradition of watching these programs together.

Holidays in general bring me back to the times we were all together, happier times, I wish I would have appreciated everything more than what I did at the time.


Jules315
Posted: Sunday, August 5, 2018 9:15 AM
Joined: 6/11/2017
Posts: 23


Another hurl back moment happened yesterday. In front of a group of people my sister-in-law casually handed me an envelope with a comment "Here, I found this in a stack of papers while sorting through some boxes. I thought you would like to have it." She had been cleaning out my still living mother-in-law's closet. I turned over the envelope and was immediately reduced to tears as I recognized my mother's beautiful handwriting. It was a note she had written to my mother-in-law. I couldn't read it standing there so I put it in my purse to read in private and quickly pulled myself together.

My sister-in-law made a big deal of acting surprised that it would upset me. It's hasn't been 6 months since Mom passed. Geez! Give a girl a little warning!! What could have been a nice gesture left me feeling sucker punched.

I guess having not lost a parent, my sister-law didn't realize the impact it would have. I have read the note and it did help me remember that before dementia took my mom away, she had many shining moments.


Rockym
Posted: Sunday, August 5, 2018 8:39 PM
Joined: 1/17/2016
Posts: 762


I'm almost at 3 months and still lose it from my mom's notes, to her pictures, to almost anything that reminds me of her.  Strange how I was sad 12 years ago when dad passed, but mom's passing seems entirely different.  Oh well, I suppose we are fortunate that the reminders do this to us... it means there was lots of love there.
George K
Posted: Monday, August 6, 2018 5:16 AM
Joined: 12/16/2011
Posts: 2747


Rockym, not only does it mean there was a lot of love there, it means there's still a lot of love here.  There's a definition of grief that states: "Grief is love with no place to go."  I think that's the issue with me, I have no physical ability to express my love for my wife any longer; there's no one to hug, no shoulder to squeeze, no hair to run my fingers through, no one to hold hands with as I walk around the yard to view the flowers, no one to cook for, and no butt to pat.
jb crick
Posted: Tuesday, August 7, 2018 12:43 AM
Joined: 8/2/2016
Posts: 404


Seeing an old couple holding hands or just sitting together talking and laughing, oblivious to the world around them.

What brightens my day is to see a young couple doing the same, and hoping they find the love of their life as I have.


Skittles412
Posted: Tuesday, August 7, 2018 9:31 AM
Joined: 5/14/2018
Posts: 94


We are lucky this day in age to have so many pictures and videos of our LO's at our disposal. Though only two months in, when I see either, I simply lose it. I have a video of my mother in the hospital with a cast on her broken wrist; waving at me with that hand saying I love you. It brings me to tears every time I watch it.  But she looks so cute and it reminds me of how much she loved me and the tremendous love I have for her. I can't wait till I only think happy thoughts when I see pictures and videos of her.   Praying for all of us to get past the wicked pain and remember happier times.  I know the pain never really goes away; but I pray for it to be more bearable for all of us.

-Kat


MPSunshine
Posted: Sunday, August 19, 2018 3:07 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1769


Today I was hurled back many times as I was going through boxes to select items to take to my new school as a teacher and I ran across, among other things, an old photo of my mom with my child as a newborn, held so lovingly and with such care, with such a broad and tender smile on her face.
Because she's my mom!
Posted: Sunday, August 19, 2018 3:49 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 737


When I see others her age who are so lively and involved. I am hurled back, and mourn all the times and things she and our family were unable to experience because of the AD. I cry when I think of all it took from my intelligent , loving, active, creative and talented mom.
His Daughter
Posted: Monday, August 20, 2018 11:18 AM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2165


Hearing the theme song whistle to the Andy Griffith show.  It was Dad's favorite show.  I bought all 8 seasons on DVD.  Together we watched every single show, in sequence, for all 8 seasons.  I'd put a roast in the oven for dinner, and we'd marathon Andy all night until we went to bed.   I'm so glad we shared those shows together.
jfkoc
Posted: Friday, August 24, 2018 2:08 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 15328


today....black Alpha spider convertible
Rockym
Posted: Friday, August 24, 2018 2:15 PM
Joined: 1/17/2016
Posts: 762


Yesterday, after a lot of tough stuff, song comes on by Aerosmith "Same Old Song and Dance," which made me smile, but then a 1994 blue Chrysler Concorde drove by.  The car was mom's old car that she sold to my cousin and then after my cousin's kid did something disrespectful, the car was totaled within a week.  The 28 year old cousin wasn't in it, but I think my mom was pissed off.
 
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