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Judith, that is absolutely brilliant and I take your wisdom to heart and reshaping my thinking. Thank you for sharing that; there is a huge difference between unwarranted guilt and regret as you have framed it.
Share a guilt: That I didn't have more patience for my dad earlier in his disease. That I was unkind.
Share a regret: That I didn't educate myself more.
Regrets & Guilt go hand in hand, and is just another
thing that tears at our heart and mind as we enter stage 8. As jfkoc said I will not entertain
"guilt" but will experience regret because with more information
I would have acted differently.
I don't regret learning the truth. --Jim
Best to turn mistakes into learning experiences. Then they no longer qualify as mistakes. --Jim
Yes my friend...We Live We Learn.
Not dementia specific, but I've tried to live my life as free of regret as I could. My father always wanted to be his own boss, but ended up working for his former partner. He always wanted to travel, but never left the country (or the I75 corridor for that matter). I can't count the number of times in the twilight of his life he bemoaned his lost opportunities to live his life to the fullest. I didn't want to spend my senior years loaded down with "I wish we had...." Instead, I'm loaded down caring for someone with the burden of AD. At least I have the memories of all we did together. The house may never be paid off, my estate is not going to allow my children to retire early. I just think how much worse my life would be if we had scrimped and saved to enjoy our retirement to the fullest. Travel is out of the question. At some point soon I'll be faced with liquidating my assets to pay for extended memory/nursing home care. That wouldn't be different if I had an extra quarter million in the bank. What would be different is I wouldn't have a bank of memories of good times to sustain me through these difficult times.
"Gather rosebuds while ye may"!