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regrets
jfkoc
Posted: Sunday, July 8, 2018 11:32 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 14939


The concept of regret has come into my thoughts this morning. Bottom line thought is that if I truly do "my best" I will not entertain "guilt" but will experience regret because  with more information I would have acted differently.
Jo C.
Posted: Sunday, July 8, 2018 12:58 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 8819


Judith, that is absolutely brilliant and I take your wisdom to heart and reshaping my thinking.  Thank you for sharing that; there is a huge difference between unwarranted guilt and regret as you have framed it.

J.


ruthmendez
Posted: Sunday, July 8, 2018 7:31 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 995


I hope I don't suffer with guilt.....I can imagine I'll have some regrets....I'm wondering if we all end up having some regret?
jfkoc
Posted: Monday, July 9, 2018 10:00 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 14939


My biggest regret is that what I know now I did not know then....
chrisp1653
Posted: Monday, July 9, 2018 4:41 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 961


jfkoc, unless you were to flatline in your learning curve, then it stands to reason that if you knew then what you know now, you would still know more now, and so possibly endure the same regrets. I like to think that if I can look back and say, with honesty, that I made the best decisions I could with the information I had, then even though I may have regrets as to the outcome, I accept it as a matter of life, and move on. On the other hand, when I have spoken, or done some act, out of anger, or malice, then  my regrets, and even some guilt, are more deeply entrenched. However, it's still a part of life, and I accept it and try to use the experience as part of my growing into a better person.
jfkoc
Posted: Monday, July 9, 2018 7:10 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 14939


that is exactly what I mean
ruthmendez
Posted: Wednesday, July 11, 2018 10:49 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 995


Share a guilt: That I didn't have more patience for my dad earlier in his disease.  That I was unkind.

Share a regret: That I didn't educate myself more.


jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2018 1:07 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 14939


oh, Ruth....does anyone have the real amount of patience it takes?
chrisp1653
Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2018 1:33 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 961


jfkoc - probably not. There isn't any way to quantitatively work out how much patience is needed. I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, it's a series of steps, as I lose my patience, mentally berate myself, set a new goal, and discover new levels of comfort. That's just for today, of course, since tomorrow will find me with new issues to contend with. It's pretty much never ending.
Last Dance
Posted: Friday, July 13, 2018 8:25 AM
Joined: 5/2/2013
Posts: 210


Regrets & Guilt go hand in hand, and is just another thing that tears at our heart and mind as we enter stage 8. As jfkoc said I will not entertain "guilt" but will experience regret because with more information I would have acted differently.

The sad part of all of this, is that I have learned more since Linda passed away then when I was taking care of her. Maybe it’s because I have more time to be on this board, or more time to just sit and think about what was happing at that time. Everyday day I tell myself that I was a good care giver, and I did the best that I could. However because I tend to be a perfectionist my best should have been 100% not the 98% that it was. The sad part about life is that we tend to think about our mistakes and not about our accomplishments.
Jim Broede
Posted: Monday, July 16, 2018 10:57 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 4766


jfkoc wrote:
My biggest regret is that what I know now I did not know then....

I don't regret learning the truth. --Jim


Jim Broede
Posted: Monday, July 16, 2018 3:40 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 4766


Last Dance wrote:

Regrets & Guilt go hand in hand, and is just another thing that tears at our heart and mind as we enter stage 8. As jfkoc said I will not entertain "guilt" but will experience regret because with more information I would have acted differently.

The sad part of all of this, is that I have learned more since Linda passed away then when I was taking care of her. Maybe it’s because I have more time to be on this board, or more time to just sit and think about what was happing at that time. Everyday day I tell myself that I was a good care giver, and I did the best that I could. However because I tend to be a perfectionist my best should have been 100% not the 98% that it was. The sad part about life is that we tend to think about our mistakes and not about our accomplishments.

Best to turn mistakes into learning experiences. Then they no longer qualify as mistakes. --Jim


just exhibit Love
Posted: Monday, July 16, 2018 4:52 PM
Joined: 12/6/2011
Posts: 522


Judith

Yes my friend...We Live We Learn.

Namaste

Love Rosie


 
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