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Spouse or Partner Caregiver Forum
Has anyone actually called the cops on their LO after they have been violent with them?
My husband's children don't want anything to do with their father. They tell me to call the cops on him. Does that actually work? Do the cops keep him? A doctor at the hospital told me they will just bring him there, and then they will call me to come get him? Anyone know if it's true?
Also, we have no insurance, no money, no way to pay for any of these things people suggest. Can't pay any doctors (hence going to the ER), any meds, any daycare programs, any memory care facilities, any other care givers, etc. Completely, utterly broke.
Just posted a reply on your other thread. I never called the police because of violence but a few times Charles did take off (not wandering). One time our neighbor brought him home and another time he came back with me. The other time I was talking with the Alz. Org. and they did call the Police. Our neighbor had tried to get him into his tractor cab to bring him home and he was afraid Charles would get violent. The Sheriff's Depty came, got Charles into his car and called an ambulance to take him to the VA. We stayed in the ER most of the night until he calmed down and I brought him home either much later that night or in the morning. They didn't think I should but it was fine.
Is your husband a veteran? If so, he could be taken to the VA without cost. Sorry I can't be of more help. If your husband is showing violent tendencies, be sure you have a safe place you can go - lock your self in a room either inside the house or some place outside where he can't find you. Also keep your phone with you in case you do have to call the police or someone (a neighbor) to help. Be sure you have all the firearms and ammunition out of the house. Also hide the knives, scissors and any other sharp objects. This would help but almost anything can be used as a weapon. Please be careful if he is showing violent tendencies.
Does he have a diagnosis? With a diagnosis you can apply for medicaid for long term nursing home care, or memory care. If his dementia is not that far advanced for memory care or nursing home care contact your local council on aging. It may be called something different where you are, but its an agency that will be able to point you in the right direction to access services. The local one where I live has a daycare program that has the fees based on income, so it could cost you very little or nothing.
If you find yourself in an emergency situation with his violence call 911. They will take him to the hospital. Request a psych eval. You do not have to take him back home if you feel you are in danger. Insist on a psych eval. I am in Fl and they will do what’s called Baker Act him. Which is involuntarily commit him for 2 weeks in a psych hospital to evaluate and prescribe meds to help control violent episodes. Check in your area for geriatric psych hospitals and if there is one request he be brought there.
Also search for memory care or nursing homes that accept medicaid payments, go visit as many as you can find. Once he is approved for medicaid you can place him in one of these facilities.
You do not have to risk your life. Be proactive, find your resources, and be ready have him committed to keep yourself safe if it comes to that.
Less than a month later, he called 911 and said we were abusing him. APS was called, and they kidnapped him (no court order, so it was illegal), and falsely imprisoned him in the hospital (didn't let him go home, and wouldn't let me place him in foster care during the investigation, the result of which was "abuse allegation unfounded"). That was illegal too. Again, no geri psych exam. However, when he became belligerent in the hospital, they put him on an antipsychotic, for their benefit. No one cared about my safety. After he was finally allowed to go to foster care - after the determination that abuse allegation was unfounded - he became upset that the care giver was taking him back to the care home from day care instead of to my house. So the doctor upped his antipsychotic med dose. I found a psychiatrist, with no help from anyone, and got his Rx changed to a different med. APS finally said he could come back home to me, but he died before I finished preparing to bring him home. He was only 65. He'd been diagnosed at age 64.
This is extreme, and horrifying, but one poster dropped her mother at an ER and told them she was unable to care for her. Hospitals don't through impaired people onto the street, most of the time, so she became a ward of the state.
If you lr husband is over 65 you can apply for Medicaid. If he is younger you can apply if you live in one of the THIRTY THREE states that have expanded medicaid for all in need--although some of them have silly restrictions and more red tape than others. Looking at you Kentucky.
Not sure whom you were asking, but re my husband: He was started on risperidone. Hospital doctor first threatened to call security. I shudder to think what security would've done to a man with dementia. At care home, doctor suggested calling police. My husband wasn't even threatening anyone, "just" yelling. It's ironic that APS thought the care home could handle him so much better than I could, yet all they could think of at first was calling the cops. After I got him to a psychiatrist, she began switching him to depakote.
Hospitals don't through impaired people onto the street, most of the time...
True, most of the time. But not very long ago, a woman with a mental illness was thrown out of a hospital, in the middle of winter, wearing nothing but a hospital gown and socks. An observer helped her, and she was taken back inside. Eventually she was taken to a homeless shelter. The person who advocated for her took a video and posted it online. Her mother saw it, and that's how she found out where her daughter was, because she'd been reported missing.
One article I read says "hospital dumping" is an ongoing problem.
dolor, at first I was glad he was finally put on something, till I read about it. I talked to his neurologist about it, and he said essentially that in his opinion the pros outweigh the cons. Afterwards I talked to his psychiatrist, and she said she'd wean him off and start substituting the other med.
As for hospital dumping, well, when a hospital does it, they won't admit wrongdoing (lawyers apparently tell entities to admit nothing), and I guess they get away with it till they get caught. It's sickening.